


Under the North Star

by 15EmRose21



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cute Ending, Domestic Fluff, Drama & Romance, Family, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Historical, Hurt/Comfort, Long, M/M, Original Character(s), Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:21:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 66,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22426237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/15EmRose21/pseuds/15EmRose21
Summary: Tino Väinämöinen lives in the farthest reaches of Lapland, scraping together a living and keeping himself sane through painting. He ran away from his past, but cast himself into loneliness and darkness. But his quiet living is interrupted, when a Swedish giant Berwald Oxenstierna comes into his life and gradually pulls Tino back into the light. But eventually Tino's past catches up to him...
Relationships: Denmark/Norway (Hetalia), Finland/Sweden (Hetalia)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 54





	1. Here is my Earthly Home

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, and welcome to my SuFin fic! This is the first fic I'm publishing in AO3, I mainly use FFN but I decided to come here and try this site out. I have already published this fic at FFN, and there are going to be quite a lot of chapters so be prepared XD  
> Few things about this fic: The time period it happens in is around 1830-1840, but I don't have a specific year decided. The country is Finland, and I have kept the fic as historically accurate as possible. Finland at this time had pretty recently been conquered by Russia and the Finnish people were having it pretty rough under the new rule. It was illegal for someone to be without a job or ties of any kind to either a person or a piece of land, so if put in very simple terms, it was illegal to be a homeless person/unemployed. I'm explaining this, because the fic is mostly told from a peasant's perspective and these things are not addressed but good to know to get the best possible experience.
> 
> Also, the chapter titles are translated lyrics from a song called Olen Suomalainen, which loosely inspired me to write this fic~
> 
> Now please enjoy my fic, I know it's long but I'm pretty proud of it :) 
> 
> I don't own Hetalia, I only own my own imagination

The forest stood silent and still, all Tino could hear was the sound of his snow shoes hitting and breaking the snow's crisp surface and his own breath, hot and heavy from exertion. It was like all living creatures had left the world deserted, and Tino couldn't blame them. It was mid-winter and the temperature hovered around -35 degrees Celsius. Everyone with some common sense were inside, enjoying whatever warmth they could squeeze out of their fireplaces and saunas. Yet here Tino was, walking(or more like scrambling) through the scarce pines, dressed in his thickest, warmest winter clothes. Still somehow Tino managed to be cold, his hands and feet and face felt frozen. And he loved every second of it, he felt alive, he felt like he was...here. As vague as that sounded

Full moon lit up the night, and there wasn't a single cloud in the starry sky. Tino didn't have a single light source of his own, he didn't need any. He could see perfectly well, and what he saw was beautiful. The world around him was dyed silver and blue and black, and Tino could see every single star. He could name some of the constellations, but only the big dipper, Sagittarius (since it was Tino's sign he had learned it) and Libra (his mother's sign). And then, of course, there was the North star. That was what Tino was following. In its direction was his destination, a place Tino had been wanting to visit at night for so long now. And he still had some ways to go

Tino didn't know how long it took him to reach the top of the tunturi he had been climbing, it sure felt like forever. And when he did Tino was winded and exhausted, but at least he was a bit warmer. Tino could feel sweat slowly dripping down his neck and face, he would surely feel even colder after it cooled and froze. So Tino had to act fast.

Tino straightened and quickly jogged (or, yet again, scrambled but faster this time) forward. The actual top of the hill wasn't wide and was completely void of trees. So, it only took Tino a few minutes to reach the other side, and when he did Tino couldn't help but gasp silently in awe. Before him spread a landscape, that was breathtaking in its simple and raw beauty. Low hills of snow rolled like waves in an endless sea of snow. Few small pines reached out from the ground here and there, their strong branches heavy from all the snow they were carrying. In the horizon an even bigger tunturi could be seen, rising to meet the one Tino was standing on right now. And all of it was coloured black and blue, white and silver by the bare light of the full moon and stars, and the night sky topped it all, a dark void filled with more light than the sun itself could ever create. Tino's eyes were so wide those very stars were mirrored in them, the blue with a violet hue twinkling even brighter than the Pole star. Out of pure respect for nature Tino slowly pulled off his hat, freeing his now sweaty light blonde locks. Some of them stood on end because of static electricity, something the Finn would've been embarrassed about had he been among people. But he wasn't. Tino was all alone, and he couldn't have been happier about that. This wouldn't have been the same had someone been with him. Tino was able to give all his attention to this otherworldly view. And that was exactly what he did. Tino slid off his backpack and dug into the front pocket. He pulled out a single sheet of thick paper and a charcoal, and he got to work. Tino spent almost two hours sketching the view before him, ignoring the cold that slowly seeped its way into his very bones. It didn't matter now. All that mattered was witnessing and immortalizing this view. If he didn't Tino would have to wait for the next full moon, and even then, it might be cloudy. Tino didn't want to risk it. So, he took his time, sketched every single detail, and only left when he was satisfied with his work, or as satisfied as an artist could get. Tino stood up, much happier than before. He couldn't wait to get back to his cabin and pull out his paints and easel. This painting was going to be sensational.

***

To say that Tino was a hermit wasn't quite right. He enjoyed some company when he could get it, he just didn't purposefully seek it out. He didn't need or crave it, or that was what he told himself. Tino could have a good, civil conversation, and when he did, he smiled pleasantly. But as soon as the group of people grew to include more than 5 people Tino voluntarily blended into the background and sneaked away to seek some peace and quiet. No, Tino wasn't a hermit, but he still chose to live like one.

Tino was well-known in the small village he had settled into, in the Northern reaches of Lapland. The village mostly lived on lumber, and mining during the warmer months. Almost all the residents were bound to the land and its local owner, who lived in the largest house, that towered over all the others. Nearly no one could leave once they entered, and they welcomed anyone decent who could work with as little pay as possible. In this day and age everyone took whatever job they could, because staying homeless and jobless was illegal. And anywhere was better than prison.

Tino was mostly known because he hadn't been born in the village or even in the other villages near it. No, Tino had come from somewhere else, probably far away. From where, no one knew. Tino had never told anyone and most probably wasn't planning to. He had just shown up 5 years ago, a thin young man with a haunted look and an empty smile, only carrying with him a worn backpack and the clothes on his back. Tino had been given a small log cabin by the local landowner at the edge of the village, one that was surrounded by tall pines. All he had to do to pay for housing was to chop down some trees every month for lumber and sell them, and occasionally do odd jobs at the village. Tino accepted, and there Tino had stayed with no signs of leaving the village, or even asking for a better house. This puzzled the residents of the village, and all kinds of rumours circled in the community. But in the end the villagers let Tino do what he wanted. As long as he didn't cause any trouble, did his work and acted civil they didn't complain. Besides, after the first few months of circling and awkwardness Tino turned out to be pleasant enough. All the mean rumours disappeared, and only the ones speculating Tino's origins were left. Some said he was a runaway son of some wealthy merchant family. Tino was pretty enough to pass as a girl, after all (at least when he wasn't all dirty and disheveled after working double shift in the mines or having spent a day in the forest cutting down trees) and he talked all proper and had good manners. Some said Tino was a lover boy, looking for his sweetheart, and the sadder version of this rumour stated that Tino had actually lost his sweetheart and came here, because this was where she was from. The most popular theory was, that Tino was on the run from the law, and as to what he had did differed depending on who was doing the telling. The theories never went too crazy, since no one could imagine the small, warm Tino killing a man. Nevertheless, no one knew for sure where Tino had come, and Tino didn't do anything to confirm or deny any of the rumours. He acted as nice as was necessary, worked just enough to eat, but never got too close. And after three years most of the rumours had died, and Tino blended into the village like he had always been there. And that was exactly what Timo wanted.

***

Tino was very careful to only use the bare minimal amount of paint necessary for his paintings. Paint was extremely rare around these parts, only merchants with the most eccentric selection sold it. Tino had already used up all his green and brown paint, yellow was running out and blue even more so. That was what happened when you only painted paintings about nature, the earthy colours disappeared first. And Tino didn't dare paint anything else, not again.

Thankfully Tino was able to mix his own black paint out of charcoal, tree sap and a bunch of other ingredients. It had taken forever to find the right mix and amount of ingredients, but it was worth it. Now Tino could paint as many black and white images as he wanted, which was why he had mainly focused on painting nighttime sceneries. Honestly, Tino almost preferred it this way. It was hard to try and find good times to sketch when the curious eyes of the villagers were on him, and Tino was an insomniac so he had plenty of time during the darker hours to wander the forests and plains in search of beauty in unexpected places.

Tino dipped his paintbrush into the black paint, and with few last strokes he was done. Before him was the very scenery he had witnessed few weeks prior during the full moon. It wasn't as beautiful on canvas, it would never be, but it still made Tino's heart ache with its raw beauty. 'I did it as much justice as mortal hands can', he thought. But Tino wasn't praising his own skills when he thought this, he thought of himself as merely a tool, so the beauty of the world around him could be immortalized. He thought it was an honour God had chosen his hand to bring such beauty to the world. It humbled Tino, his skills weren't his, they belonged to something bigger than him.

Sudden knock on his door made Tino jump, and he had to stifle a squeak. A visitor? Why? No one ever visited Tino, he lived far away enough for people to not bother coming all the way to his cabin, their business could always wait. So, either this was important, or…

He couldn't have been found, could he? Already? It had only been five years! Tino needed more time!

But despite the panic quickly rising in his chest Tino swallowed heavily and stood up from his stool. He quickly hid the painting under his bare, simplistic bed and rushed to the door. He had a small foyer in his cabin, that separated the front door and the entrance to the main part of the cabin. Tino had made a curtain, that he could pull before the entrance, so the main room couldn't be seen from the foyer. That was exactly what Tino did now, because he hadn't been able to clean up his easel. Tino couldn't let anyone from the village know he painted. Although if the one on the door was who he thought it was that wouldn't matter…

With fear and uneasiness Tino cautiously opened the door and peeked out, not opening it all the way. That wasn't all that strange, you could never know what type of people roamed around these parts. Especially in the winter, when people were cold, hungry and desperate.

When Tino saw that the one behind the door was the landowner he was relieved only for a second. Because why would the landowner come all the way here, personally? Well, not completely personally, after a second glance Tino saw he had an attendant with him. Nevertheless, Tino was still suspicious, but opened the door nearly all the way. This was the man that allowed him to be here, after all.

"G-Good evening, Mr. Hålberg. How can I help you?"

"Good evening Tino. Well, you see, I came here to inform you of a…minor change in your contract."

Well, if that didn't sound ominous then Tino didn't know what did.

" I-I see. What kind of change, if I may ask?"

"Of course you may, my dear boy. You see, I will have a second tenant on this land starting next month, a Swede who has come here to do a job for me. He will live in the other cabin just a kilometer from here, and he'll be using the lumber as well. So, the number of trees you will have to cut down will be halved!"

Well, that was relatively good news, cutting down trees was tiring and Tino wasn't exactly the strongest man around. But from the way the attendant nudged his employer told Tino that wasn't all. And what do you know, the landowner cleared his throat and continued.

"But the amount of money you make from the trees will also be halved, while your rent stays the same. I'm sorry, my boy, it will be tough for you for a bit. Please understand, it's all just business. We can't cut down too many trees and deplete our resources, now can we? Don't worry, I'm sure the villagers will-"

At this point Tino zoned out, because he was making some mental calculations. The trees he cut down barely covered his rent, and the rest of the money Tino made got him just enough food, and the rest Tino put into the savings he had for a rainy day. But now Tino would have to dip into his savings in order to survive, since this probably counted as a rainy day. That meant…that Tino could no longer buy paint. Hell, he couldn't even buy the materials to make his canvases. Tino would have to improvise in order to be able to keep painting. He wondered if he could make green paint out of pine needles…

"Tino? Tino, my boy?"

Tino blinked, and focused his gaze on the landowner, who look mildly concerned but mostly irritated at being ignored. Tino muttered an apology and spoke with a patient tone.

"Hmm, yes, I understand. Thank you for informing me, sir. Um, may I ask how long this arrangement will last…?"

"Oh, it shouldn't be more than a year. Depends on how capable the man is. I hear his skills are impeccable."

Tino nodded with a small smile on his face but didn't comment further or the landowner would just keep gossiping. He didn't really care what kind of job the man was coming here to do, but he probably needed wood for it if he was to share the wood Tino cut down. And if Tino really wanted to know later he could ask the man himself, since they were going to be living on the same property.

"I see. Um, was this all the business you had with me? I was in the middle of my evening chores…"

"Yes, yes! I completely forgot that you peasants always keep so busy! Have a good one then, Tino! And thank you for your understanding!"

Tino gave the man a polite smile and a bow and slowly closed his door, but the moment he was sure the landowner couldn't possibly hear him through the door Tino let out a deep, tired sigh and slumped against the door. Tino was just barely getting by already, this made matters very complicated. 'Thank you for your understanding', my ass. If Tino didn't understand he would have no home and no work, which was illegal. Everyone needed to be legally tied to something or someone, whether that was a farm, a plot of land, or prison.

Tino, with heavy steps, shuffled into his cabin, which was growing chillier and chillier as the night settled in. Tonight, Tino couldn't go out, he needed to think and come up with a plan with which he could survive for the next year.

Leave it to life to never let anything be easy…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Few word translations:
> 
> Tunturi: A large hill/mountain that can be found in Lapland. I prefer to think of them as large hills, because Finland doesn't officially have mountains. We do have one, but I don't count it because its peak is on Norway's side of the border XD
> 
> Please leave a comment telling me what you thought, I always enjoy reading opinions and critique if you have any :D


	2. I Sing About Life

Tino wasn't stranger to suffering and hardship, and neither was anyone else in this village. Or rather anyone else who was alive. Because Tino thought that life was hard for everyone in one way or another. And that was why he took this adversity with the same patience he had taken everything in his life. Tino carefully formulated a plan in his head. He had enough savings to compensate for the first three to four months, but after that he would have to start taking on extra work. Thankfully it would be almost May by then, and the air would start becoming warmer and the snow would start to melt. Spring and summer arrived slowly to Lapland, but they did eventually. And when they arrived Tino would have more job opportunities. He could hunt small animals, pick berries and herbs and sell them to the villagers for cheap, he could use young willows and birchbark and weave baskets and sell those as well. Tino could patch clothes and blankets, feed farm animals and brush horse coats, or herd the reindeer before they were set free to do summer grazing in the plains. The villagers would rather buy small practical things and services like that cheap and not bother with them themselves. That would take time away from doing work that actually brought in money and kept them alive. Tino was going to be busy, but he was going to stay alive. He had to, for as long as he could.

With those practical but positive thoughts in mind Tino kept on living his life in the village. Nothing changed for now, the new tenant hadn't arrived yet and Tino still had trees to cut and jobs to do. Naturally Tino still kept worrying, because this sudden disruption to his steady, bland routine had roused some old fears he had had when Tino had just arrived in the village. Every night had been a living nightmare, as Tino hadn't been able to sleep and had just stared at the front door, afraid it would be bashed in any minute and they would come for him. It never actually happened, but Tino's fears had been enough for him to develop a nice little case of insomnia. It had paired well with his pre-existing paranoia, and together they had made Tino a nervous wreck. Thank Lord for menial labour, because Tino had been able to distract himself from his fears with it. Tino had cut more trees than he could count (although Tino could only count to 10), mined until his hands bled and painted until he couldn't see the canvas through the haze of sleep deprivation. Tino was better now, his fears had calmed down after the first uneventful year in the village, but they would never permanently leave him. Not until Tino either died or his fears became reality. Tino didn't know which he preferred. So, he just kept on living for now, hoping eventually things would make more sense.

Tino rolled a pine trunk in the snow towards a sleigh, that was being pulled by a sturdy reindeer. Both its and Tino's breaths formed small fog clouds in the air, but the reindeer was definitely warmer than Tino was. It had only been few hours and Tino was freezing, despite doing some hard physical labour the whole time. This freezing feeling was different from when Tino was walking through a forest at night, this cold felt crueler and, well, colder, because Tino hadn't chosen it. At night Tino had something to look forward to, and every sight, sound and feeling in the world around him inspired him and lifted his spirits. But now Tino was just sawing and pushing and working. There was nothing for Tino to enjoy, except maybe the company of the reindeer. It wasn't Tino's reindeer, he just borrowed her whenever he had to transport lumber, but she was a very nice reindeer and Tino liked petting and brushing her. She had no name, since it was just used for physical labour, but that was just wrong in Tino's mind. Every living thing deserved a name. As a child Tino had even named all his non-living possessions. His boots had been named Tatukka and Patukka, and his mug had been named Slurpsis. And due to this naming habit of Tino's he was unofficially calling the reindeer Kukkamuna, which meant flower egg. Because the reindeer had a pattern on its forehead that reminded Tino of a flower, and it had taken Tino a while to get the reindeer to come out of her rather thick shell. Like an egg. Get it? Anyway, Kukkamuna mainly acted so nice around Tino, she was rather shy around everyone else.

Tino rolled the heavy tree trunk on the sleigh and Kukkamuna stirred and panicked a bit, feeling the added weight. Tino hushed her with a calm voice and petted her soft nose after slipping off one of his mittens. Kukkamuna quickly calmed from the familiar, gentle touch and nuzzled her nose against Tino's hand, making the young man smile.

"That's a good girl. Now come on, that's it for today, let's take these to Urho."

Tino took Kukkamuna's reigns and started leading her out of the forest and towards the village. Tino and Kukkamuna both struggled to move forward in the snow, and occasionally Tino had to stop and help Kukkamuna by either pulling on the reigns or pushing the sleigh itself. Tino could feel sweat rolling down his neck and back and as it cooled it made him shiver. Tino just wanted to get his work done for today so he could retire to his cabin for the day. Maybe even warm up his sauna later and try and banish some of the ice that had settled in his bones. Tino wondered if he still had some vodka left over…

Soon the pair were able to get out from the deeper snow banks and onto the path that ran in the snow. It wasn't a road per se, but many people rode through there with their carriages and sleighs so it was a kind of temporary winter road through the snow. Now Tino could jump on the sleigh as well, confident Kukkamuna would be able to pull the sleigh on her own. And she did, even going as far as to jog, which made the bell she had around her bridle jingle. The sound made Tino smile, he felt like he was atop a magic sleigh when his journey was accompanied by such a cheery sound, that bounced off the surrounding trees merrily./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"The village came into view and Tino steered to the right, heading to the Eastern edge. Urho lived there, an old man that landowner Hålberg left in charge with pricing and selling the lumber forward. Urho's house was the second largest in the village after the Hålberg estate, and his lumber warehouse was even bigger than that. That was where Tino went, and Urho was just coming out from the warehouse when Tino stopped before the tall, wide building. Tino waved, small smile on his face, and Urho waved back with a serious expression. Men didn't smile a lot around these parts and Tino probably shouldn't have done it either, but old habits died hard.

"Good afternoon, Urho. This is today's shipment, I'll bring the rest tomorrow. Got to give good old Ku-, I mean, this old girl a break."

Tino greeted as he stepped off the sleigh, and patted Kukkamuna's side affectionately. She was panting hard and shook herself, sending frost and melting snow all around her. Tino had to stifle a giggle when the cool droplets hit his face, that would've been unbecoming of him before the other man.

"Afternoon, Tino. Ain't nothin' to it, 's long as ya deliver. Yer 'bout the only one who can handle this one, anyway. Now, I hear ya ain't gonna bring me 's much come next month? Ya gonna get by well enough?"

Tino's smile disappeared, and he had a serious face to match Urho's as he nodded. Word really traveled fast here, Tino had only heard about his contract change few days ago and he hadn't told anyone yet. Tino was sure the landowner had been gossiping again.

Urho looked at the young man sympathetically and tried to give him an encouraging pat on the shoulder. It was quite awkward, men around these parts or anywhere else didn't really do any consoling all that often.

"Don't ya worry 'bout a thing, Tino. We ain't gonna let ya get thrown to the wolves. Hell, I'll feed ya from my own pocket if it comes down to that."

Tino gave Urho a small smile, the man had only recently warmed up to him so this offer meant a lot from him. Tino nodded again, and returned the shoulder pat. Tino's wasn't nearly as awkward, compassion was his second nature. But he kept it brief so Urho wouldn't feel like his masculinity was threatened.

"I will keep that in mind, you have my utmost gratitude. But for now I will be fine. And who knows, perhaps the new fella will be generous enough to share."

Urho frowned a bit at Tino's positive remark, and shook his head slightly. When he spoke his next words the man's voice was lower and tone wary and suspicious, as if someone was listening.

"I wouldn' count on that. The bloke's a damn Swede, I wouldn' trust them bastards with a single branch from my lumber. Better ya just keep to yerself, ya are good at that."

Urho didn't say the last part of the sentence as an accusation, but Tino's paranoia took it as such. And it made him internally flinch. But besides that, Tino had to admit that Urho had a point with the rest of what he had said. Foreigners were never good, whether they were Swedes or Russians or any other kind. During these tough times the people of Finland only believed in each other(and even then just barely), and all that spoke either Swedish or Russian shouldn't be trusted, especially if they were a noble. Tino had had his fair share of encounters with unpleasant foreigners.

"I'll also keep that in mind. Thank you. I should be going now, the day's work is not done yet."

Urho nodded in complete understanding, he knew Tino had to work even more than normal to keep himself fed. Although it was strange how much money Tino spent, food was expensive but not that expensive. And Tino always seemed interested when a merchant with unusual merchandise came around, but no one ever saw what the man bought from those merchants. Urho wondered if he should make up a rumour about that fact to share amongst his friends when the next sauna night came around.

"Have a good one, Tino."

With that Tino departed, on foot this time. But Tino wouldn't have to walk for long, only until the village, where he had some job assignments to complete. Hopefully Tino would be able to finish early, he had a new painting in the making and the man wanted to get it done before he would have too much work to do and have no time for painting.

***

The village in which Berwald's latest assignment was was even poorer than he had imagined. Not the worst he had seen though, since Berwald had been to the bleakest places on God's green earth due to the nature of his work and charitable disposition.

The village was small, it only had 60 or so residents. The houses were all huddled together in a relatively small area, and the houses were so old that they were basically leaning on each other for support, and the wood had long since become worn and grey after withstanding forces of nature for generations. The rooves needed some thorough patching, and so did some walls and windows. The carpenter in Berwald wanted to pull out his tools and do damage control as he rode through the village on his sturdy finnhorse, that he had received soon after crossing the border to Finland. Berwald didn't want to attract too much attention, and his pure bred, expensive-looking horse would've done that. And yet the residents still stared at him cautiously, which didn't surprise the man. Berwald looked like a Finnish person with his blonde hair and blue eyes, but he had glasses, which were expensive and thus a rarity around here, and he was dressed in colourful clothing. Well, colourful as in not a shade of brown or grey(dark prussian blue, in this case). But Berwald was pretty sure that wasn't entirely why he was stared at. Even though the man himself didn't see it people often told him he looked intimidating or downright scary. Perhaps it made sense, because these people looked upon him like Berwald was a murderer. It hurt, the man admitted that. But Berwald was used to it, sadly.

It didn't take long to trot through the village, and Berwald arrived to the manor of the man who owned this land, and basically the people on it as well. Berwald had never been fond of this practice, it was almost slavery, but he wasn't in a position to criticize. At least not yet.

The manor was much bigger and newer than any of the houses in the village, the contrast was almost comical. But it was also a very good example of the state of the country itself, including both Finland and Sweden. Villages like this were common in Sweden as well, after all.

Berwald slid off the horse, and an attendant ran up to him from the door. He spoke to Berwald in clumsy Swedish that the man could barely understand. He would probably never get used to the Finnish accent.

"Tack för att du kom. Vi har väntat på dig." ("Thank you for coming. We have been expecting you.")

Berwald grunted in affirmation and nodded. It was good that his employer had been informed beforehand about what Berwald looked like, it saved a lot of time and no one thought he was a thug or a thief.

A stable boy appeared and took Berwald's horse, and the attendant beckoned for Berwald to follow him, followed by more clumsy Swedish.

"Följ efter mig, tack." ("Follow me, please")

And so Berwald did, having to take shorter steps so he didn't go past the much shorter attendant. The manor was, unexpectedly, much smaller on the inside. It was probably due to how the rooms had been positioned, the inside seemed cramped and had a lot of wasted space. Berwald thought it was a shame, the outside of the manor was well done, probably designed by a skilled architect. Maybe the inside had been changed at some point from the original design…

Berwald was in his thoughts and thus didn't even notice the attendant had lead him to large double doors at the end of the hallway. Berwald only snapped back to reality when the doors were thrown open and a booming voice sounded from the room.

"Mr. Oxenstierna! Äntligen!"(Mr. Oxenstierna! Finally!")

The man spoke better Swedish than his attendant, which was to be expected with a surname like Hålberg. But the Finnish accent was still evident, and had the man not said only one word Berwald wasn't sure if he would've even understood him. The man, Toomas Hålberg, walked over to Berwald and gave him an enthusiastic handshake before Berwald had even stepped into the room.

"Kom, kom! Kom och sitt här!" ("Come, come! Come and sit here!")

Berwald was lead to a big armchair and nearly forcible shoved down on it. Mr. Hålberg sat opposite of him, with a polite smile on his face.

"Hur var, um, din resa? Gjorde d-" ("How was your trip? Did yo-?)

Before Mr. Hålberg could talk more Berwald lifted a hand to make him stop. The man was clearly struggling with finding the right words, and Berwald was barely understanding him.

"F'nnish is f'ne. 'm nearly fluent."

Mr. Hålberg blinked in surprise, at both the Finnish that came out of Berwald's mouth and his low, menacing voice. But the surprise was soon replaced by a delighted smile.

"Well, that makes things much easier! Please do forgive my clumsy Swedish, my grandparents were the true Swedes. I inherited this land from them."

Berwald nodded, not bothering with words. He understood Finnish better than spoke, and his accent was quite heavy.

"How on Earth did a Swede learn Finnish? Our humble little language must not have the best reputation, I assume."

Berwald took a moment to think about his answer, or how he could answer in as few words as possible.

"M' mum was F'nnish. She ta'ght me."

Mr. Hålberg nodded, not quite satisfied with the answer, but he didn't push any further. He'd have time to find out more things about this intimidating Swede during the time he'd spend here.

"Marvelous! Well then, I hate to get straight to the point, but we are wasting daylight. You already know you were called here to fix up the village a bit for me. The people here are miners and lumber workers, not carpenters. They need someone to tell them what to do and how to do it. I can't have more and more workers die every winter, it's not good for business. The worst weather is yet to come, but it will come soon, so I need you to get to work as soon as possible."

Berwald nodded, getting straight to the point was good, he didn't like wasting time and he liked it even less when human lives were at stake. Although this man's attitude towards his workers dying made Berwald angry. After all, these were people they were talking about, not just tools or assets. But unfortunately Hålberg's way of thinking was common, especially among nobles and merchants.

"I'd like t' g't settled 'nd started soon, too."

Berwald answered curtly. He noticed Hålberg's brow twitching slightly, probably in annoyance. Perhaps the man was used to more sociable individuals.

"A man of action rather than words, I like it! In that case let me show you where you will be staying. It's also where you will get the wood needed for the repairs, and tools will be provided by me."

Hålberg stood up as he explained all this, and Berwald followed in suit. The man lead them out of the double doors and back towards the front door, blabbing on and on as he walked. Berwald was starting to fear his ears were going to fall off by the time this job was over.

"You will be sharing the land with another tenant of mine, a strange young man, let me tell you. Tino is his name, but he never told me his surname. That is quite suspicious if you ask me. In any case, he is the one who cuts down the lumber on that land, but you probably won't see much of him. Likes to keep to himself, that one. A nice lad overall but just doesn't seem right to me. If you ask me-"

Berwald was only half-listening to the man, his brain starting to hurt from the constant chatter. He surely hoped the young man that Hålberg was talking about wasn't as talkative. And if what Hålberg was telling Berwald was true then he probably wasn't. Berwald didn't mind sharing the land with someone, he was here to work, not make friends. Well, not like Berwald could make friends even if he wanted to…

"Mr. Oxenstierna? Are you listening?"

No, Berwald had not been listening, but he didn't say it as he again concentrated on Hålberg. He saw the man's eyebrow twitch again, and now Berwald was fairly certain it was a sign of irritation. Berwald in turn raised his other brow slightly, a question evident in his expression.

"This man will show you to your residence. Unfortunately, I'm not able to join you, I have some urgent business to attend to."

Berwald nodded, that was just fine with him. The guide in question was the same attendant from earlier, and he seemed much quieter than Hålberg. Hålberg smiled politely again, but his smile was tighter and more forced this time around. He bowed a bit and went back inside. The large doors slammed shut unceremoniously, which Berwald found a bit childish.

"Um, ska vi-"

Before the attendant could continue with his abysmal Swedish Berwald shook his head at him. The man looked horrified for a moment, probably scared that Berwald was angry or something. Berwald ignored the familiar feeling of hurt and tried to speak as non-threateningly as he could.

"F'nnish is fine."

The attendant looked surprised for a moment, before nodding quickly and trying not to stare at Berwald too much.

"T-then…shall we go?"

Berwald nodded, and like magic the stable boy appeared with two horses, one of them the finnhorse Berwald had been given. Berwald hadn't yet named the horse, but he thought that perhaps he should, since it seemed that it would become his companion for a long time.

Berwald and the attendant didn't waste any more time, as Hålberg had said, the sun was already setting. Sometimes Berwald forgot how quickly the night came during the winter months, especially this far North. The two trotted towards the village, the attendant explained the house was outside the village limits, on the other side of the area from the manor. Berwald didn't mind the ride, it took them through the village again and he could survey the damage again and plan what should be mended first.

They were almost to the edge of the village when suddenly someone ran to the road, so quickly that it startled both horses. They whinnied and Berwald's rose to its hindlegs, trying to battle the sudden threat, whatever it was. Said "threat" was a man, a rather meek-looking and dirty man, who looked at the horse with large eyes. Berwald was about to yank on the reigns and do something drastic to help the man, but the man on the ground did something surprising. Instead of falling to the ground in fear or yelling he instead took distance, his expression calm and…strangely warm. He shushed the panicked horse, whose front legs were now back on the ground, and approached it slowly and carefully. Berwald was about to warn the man, since this horse had almost bitten him a couple of times, but instead of aggression the horse answered the man's approach with meekness and curiosity. The smaller man gently touched the horse's nose, murmuring quietly in Finnish.

"Yes, there's a good boy. That was my fault, I'm sorry for scaring you. It's over now, there we go…"

Tino did the same to the attendant's horse, though it looked like both the horse and the rider might've needed some consoling. The poor man looked scared half to death.

"Tino! For heaven's sake, where's the fire?!"

The attendant was talking to the man currently calming down his horse. The smaller man, Tino apparently, looked embarrassed and sent the attendant a small apologetic smile.

"I'm so sorry, Raini. I was trying to hurry back home before the dark sets in. I didn't see you."

The attendant, Raini, huffed a bit but didn't seem angry at Tino anymore. Rather, he returned the smaller man's small smile, visibly calmer now. This confused Berwald, before this the attendant had only been a nervous wreck, so seeing the man get this relaxed in such a short time was disorienting. This Tino person had quite the gift. Berwald now looked back at Tino and was slightly startled to see that Tino was looking back. Now that Berwald looked at the man more closely he could see that under the grime he was quite the beauty. If that was even appropriate to think about another man. Tino's eyes were an unusual shade of blue, his facial features were delicate(if not a bit sharp from being malnourished) and tufts of pale blue hair could be seen peeking out from under the man's hood.

Tino flinched when Berwald looked him in the eyes, and paled a bit, probably in fear. For some reason Tino's fearful reaction to Berwald's appearance hurt the man a bit more than usual. After the scene Berwald had just witnessed he had hoped that this man would've been bit more, well, fearless. But naturally it was different with a person.

"Oh, Tino, this is the man that's going to share your plot of land with you. Mr. Berwald Oxenstierna."

Both men looked at Raini and then back at each other. Fear vanished from Tino's face, and was replaced with…nervousness? Berwald couldn't quite tell, and as he narrowed his eyes a bit in the evening dusk trying to see the other man's face better Tino flinched again and fear was back on his face.

"I-I see. Um, nice to meet you, Mr. Oxenstierna? Or wait, can you, I mean, he even understand me? I was told he was Swede..."

Berwald blinked, the way Tino pronounced his last name was surprisingly correct, compared to how wrong Raini and even Hålberg said it. But Berwald didn't dwell on that, and instead grunted a greeting back. He didn't bother answering Tino's worried ramblings, since the answer would be evident if Berwald just answered him.

"Ple'sure."

Flinching seemed to be a favoured past time for Tino, since hearing Berwald's voice made him do it yet again. Berwald wanted to sigh, but that would probably make Tino flinch more, so he abstained from it.

"Hey Tino, our route goes by your cabin, do you want to ride with us?"

Tino, clearly worn and tired now that Berwald looked at him more closely, brightened a bit and nodded. He walked over to Raini's horse and with the other man's help hopped onto its back, settling behind Raini. Berwald frowned a bit to himself, why was he slightly disappointed that Tino had chosen to ride on Raini's horse? Of course, he would, the two were clearly friends, and Tino probably wouldn't want to ride with the Swede considering that Tino was definitely terrified of him.

Raini urged his horse forward again, and Berwald followed behind them. And all the way to Tino's cabin he couldn't help but steal glances at the smaller man's back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just fyi, Urho, Hålberg and Raini are all OCs. This fic probably won't have many other Hetalia characters, since I want to keep the story as historically accurate as possible. And Finland during the 1830-1840 period didn't have many other nationalities within its borders aside from the countries it shared its border with. So expect Ivan(the great Russia) to make an entrance at some point. Although Raini is heavily influenced by Raivis aka. Latvia, as you can see from the name. It happened very much accidentally, but keep in mind that this character is NOT Raivis. He is Raini.
> 
> Also yes, Kukkamuna is Hanatamago. This time in reindeer form. I just see Tino as a friend of all kinds of animals, thus the horse whisperer routine. I wanted Ber's and Tino's first meeting to be one where Ber sees Tino's kind side first, to give him a kind of idealized image of Tino(at first, he will then be slowly disillusioned)
> 
> Please leave a comment or critique, I'd love to hear your thoughts~


	3. If The World Only Knew

Tino was certain that he had a new problem besides his insomnia and paranoia, when his new neighbour's menacing scowl followed him even into the brief dreams he was able to get. The very first time Tino had made eye contact with the large man his glare had brought familiar fear into Tino's already fragile heart. How could anyone look so scary?! Tino had only ever met one person who was able to look so scary, and Tino never wanted to meet that person again. Although Berwald looked scary in a very different way from that person…

Nevertheless, it had only been few days since Berwald had moved onto the same plot of land as Tino, and although they had only met twice Tino had already developed an irrational fear of the man. The second time they had met Tino had been cutting down trees closer to Berwald's side of the land, the scary man had wandered close with the same intention and as soon as the two had seen each other Tino had made a hasty retreat with Kukkamuna in tow, all the while trying not to seem too obvious. Tino knew he had been incredibly rude, but Berwald made him remember some unpleasant things, and…the man was just too scary! Could you really blame Tino?!

Well, yes, yes you could. Easily. Tino's fear was irrational, even if Berwald looked scary. Because besides his outward appearance Berwald hadn't said or done anything to justify Tino's fear. The poor man was on the receiving end of Tino's flinches and horrified looks and he had no idea why. Tino shouldn't, no, couldn't go on like this. He had to at least try to talk to Berwald. At some point. Maybe. If they happened to see each other.

All these thoughts had distracted Tino from his painting, and before he knew it a faint shape of a human face had formed on the canvas. The moment Tino realized this he froze in terror. With swift movements he turned his brush around and stabbed the canvas with the sharp wooden end, and Tino didn't stop stabbing until the canvas was torn apart and no images, much less a human face, could be seen. Tino's breathing was quick and shaky and he dropped his paints and brush, when strength suddenly left his arms and legs. Tino sunk to the floor before the easel, cradling his head in his hands. It took all Tino's willpower not to hyperventilate, and a familiar darkness lurned at the edges of his vision. How long? How long has it been since…?

No, Tino didn't let himself think about it, it never did his already unbalanced mental state any good. Tino just spent a few minutes collecting himself, and then he rose, his legs shaky like those of a newborn deer. He looked outside the window, the night was falling, but the sky was clear. Tino knew exactly what he needed right now, he needed some friendly darkness and the light of the stars. So without a second thought Tino threw on his thickest winter gear, grabbed his snow shoes and lantern and headed out.

***

The cabin was absolutely freezing, and Berwald had to fear his winter coat in order to keep warm even when the fireplace was at full flame. If this was one of the better kept houses then Berwald didn't even want to think how cold the villagers must've been in their cabins(if those atrocities could even be called that). His services were needed more than he thought, and Berwald was sad and angry Hålberg hadn't done anything about it before. Berwald was horrified of the thought about what would've happened had the landowner decided to try and make his workers withstand one more harsh winter.

Speaking of being horrified…Berwald's neighbour was just that towards him, unusually much so. Berwald wanted to tell himself that he was used to it, that he didn't care, but the small man's terrified expression caused a rather large pang of hurt inside Berwald's chest. Just earlier today Tino had all but ran away when he had caught a glimpse of Berwald. Berwald wondered what he had done to deserve such treatment. Sure, he might've looked scary, but so scary that Tino would go out of his way to act like he did? The smaller man had seemed kind to Berwald…

Berwald had been gazing out the window while in these thoughts, and suddenly he saw a small flash of light in between the pines. Berwald frowned and squinted. There it was again, an unmistakable lantern light, slowly making its way through the woods. Berwald could tell the light was quite far away, but light carried on a dark night like this. Who on Earth went out in such a cold weather, and at night no less? The only other person who lived around here was Tino…

Berwald suddenly felt very worried, had something happened that had driven Tino out into the night? Or had someone broken into the other man's cabin? All kinds of thoughts raced through Berwald head, each more horrible than the other, and before Berwald realized what he was doing he had dressed in his thickest winter gear, grabbed his gun(courtesy of Hålberg) and skis and rushed out the door. Berwald quickly slid towards where he had last seen Tino's lantern light. Hopefully he wouldn't be too late.

***

The moon wasn't bright enough to give Tino enough light this time, so he had begrudgingly brought a lantern with him. Its light took some of the magic away, and the pines around Tino that were hit with the light looked menacing, like giant prison cell bars.

In a way this place was just that. A prison that Tino had chosen for himself. It was far from a real prison cell, but as restricting mentally. Which was why Tino was in search for beauty in the middle of darkness like this. Tino had always been proud of his ability to find light in the bleakest of situations, to see the beauty where no one else could see it. That ability had diminished greatly these last few years, but if Tino could still find inspiration in the night like this he was certain he could regain his ability. Tino wanted to see the good again, he wanted to find the beauty. In himself, in other people, and…in Berwald. At the moment it all seemed to come back to the latest target of Tino's fear and paranoia. And somehow Tino felt, that if he managed to overcome this fear, then maybe…maybe everything would make sense again.

Tino could feel couple of small tears slowly make their way down his cheeks. They were hard to ignore, they left burning trails in their wake on the chilled skin. Tino didn't bother wiping them, the tears would freeze soon anyway, and he would soon arrive in a place where he could let more of them out without shame or the fear of being heard or seen.

A small clearing suddenly opened before Tino, and he knew he was in his destination. In the middle of the clearing there was a dead mountain pine, its bare and almost white branches spread in every direction. On those branches there were still Christmas decorations from when Tino had put them there just a month or so before. The decorations were all handmade by Tino, mostly out of bark, pine needles and cones and leftover scraps of fabric. The pine had been his impromptu Christmas tree, since the villagers didn't have a habit of celebrating Christmas and Tino hadn't found a spruce that would've been the right size. Now Tino didn't have the heart to take the decorations off, they brought him strange comfort, the same comfort he used to feel as a child when Christmas had been the highlight of the year. It still was in a way, but now Tino didn't have the luxury to celebrate it the same way.

Tino made his way to the pine, and he hung the lantern on one of the lower branches. Now the light from the small flame was creating beauty, the decorations and the tree were bathed in warm, orange shade, and Tino spent few minutes looking at the sight. More tears burned at the corners of his eyes, but before Tino let them fall he put out the lantern. The darkness enveloped him, and before Tino's eyes could adjust he let his tears fall. The bitter cold attacked the small droplets with vengeance, it felt like the winter was wiping away the proof of Tino's sorrow. He didn't know if it was comforting or if it caused him even more despair.

Tino fell to his knees and the snow immediately began chilling his legs. But Tino didn't care. He hugged himself and let out sobs, that shook his whole body violently. At this point Tino didn't know what made him cry, there were too many reasons to pinpoint just one. So he just let the sorrow ravage his body and soul, hoping that he could still keep on living with what was left afterwards.

"…T'no?"

At first Tino didn't react to the voice, he thought it was in his head, that his nightmares had finally decided to break out of his mind and into the real world. But then Tino heard snow shifting and someone approaching and he froze. Tino's sobs and tears stopped so fast it surprised even Tino himself, but what surprised and terrified him even more was the sight he saw as he quickly turned the lantern back on and turned around. Berwald was standing at the edge of the clearing, his eyes wide and a gun gripped in his other hand. He looked out of breath, but even more so he looked scary. And the dim light from the lantern didn't help. It created dark shadows on Berwald face, and when he slid just a bit closer on his skis Tino jerked backwards violently, his back hitting the pine. The lantern swayed a bit, the movement of the light was the only thing moving for a long moment, as Tino and Berwald stared at each other.

"…'re…ya okay…?"

If Tino had been paying any attention to Berwald mannerisms and voice he might've noticed, how the man was trying to make his voice as soft as possible, his demeanor as meek as possible. But Tino's own thoughts and fear were too loud. All he could see was the gun in Berwald's hand, and Tino's paranoia did the rest.

"P-Please don't shoot!"

Now it was Berwald's turn to flinch and jerk back a little. He had no idea a man of Tino's stature was even able to let out such a loud sound. The smaller man was absolutely petrified with fear, streaks of tears slowly freezing on his face. Berwald frowned, and surprisingly he felt frustration and even anger. Not towards Tino, the other man was clearly in a state where Berwald couldn't blame him for his words or actions, but towards his own face. Why in blazes had he been given a face that could make children cry and animals scamper away with their tails between their legs? It was getting ridiculous.

With a swift movement Berwald lifted the hand he had the gun in and threw it away. Tino looked at the gun, his eyes wide, and then at Berwald, who was now kneeled in the snow, several meters from Tino still but not coming closer. It made Tino feel infinitely better, but he was still afraid. And feeling kind of nervous and awkward, now that his head had cleared a bit. This was very much a position where he didn't want to be seen in, not by his friends and much less his new scary neighbor. But Berwald's face didn't give any emotions away, even though it still looked scary. If Tino had been closer he could've read Berwald's eyes, but the lantern wasn't bright enough and honestly Tino wasn't ready for Berwald to come any closer.

"B'tter?"

Tino flinched at Berwald's voice, but now he did notice that it wasn't as intimidating as it had been during their first meeting. Berwald was speaking barely loudly enough for Tino to hear, and he was clearly making visible effort to soften his tone. Tino could appreciate that effort, and it also made some of his fear dissipate. Tino nodded a bit and let himself relax against the pine.

"What's wr'ng?"

Tino blinked, he hadn't been expecting that question and certainly didn't know how to answer it. 'What isn't wrong?' would've been an easier question to answer. Everything in Tino's life was wrong one way or another. But he wasn't about to tell that to the man, they couldn't even be called acquaintances and Tino was still afraid of Berwald. So, it took Tino a while to think of an adequate answer, because even if this situation was bizarre, he didn't want to be rude and remain silent when spoken to.

"I-I…needed some fresh air, I guess? A-And it's a beautiful night, wouldn't you say?"

Tino answered, his voice shivering a bit. He tried to sound at least a little cheerful but failed miserably. Tino did gesture around him, towards the pine, the snow and the starry sky. The moon was starting to climb high enough to provide more light, so Tino could see more clearly even outside the lantern's light.

Berwald looked puzzled for a moment, or at least Tino thought so. He wasn't quite able to tell in the dim light. But Berwald did look around as well, probably trying to see why Tino thought the night was beautiful. Tino didn't blame Berwald if he didn't see it, few could. The minds of people were usually so set on survival only that sparing thoughts for aesthetic was hard for them. But…suddenly Tino got a really strong urge to try and make Berwald see the beauty of the night. And he couldn't do it like this.

"J-Just…wait a moment?"

Tino said carefully, this time managing the smallest of smiles. But it was a good start. Slowly and carefully Tino stood back up, his knees weak from physical and emotional exhaustion, and he reached for the lantern. He took it in his hands and put it out. Immediately darkness fell yet again, but this time Tino wasn't afraid of it. Because it only took few moments for the moon light to fill in the blanks in both their visions. It was far from the light of the full moon, but it was enough. Tino looked towards Berwald, and he could see the man still kneeling in the snow. He didn't have a hat on, and the man's blonde hair was like a lighthouse in the dark. It was…surprisingly beautiful. A part of Berwald could be beautiful. That was a comforting thought, and that combined with the darkness made Tino feel braver.

"Look up, do you see what I see? Isn't it beautiful?"

Tino didn't bother checking if Berwald followed his suggestion, instead looking up towards the sky himself. The stars were clearly visible, and the milky way was right above them, like a flowing river of light across the sky. The crescent moon peeked from between the pine branches, pale and small but beautiful. For a moment Tino forgot that he had company, and an uninhibited smile spread across his face. Yes, this was exactly what he needed to calm his weary mind. Tino could almost feel his worries and fears slipping away, slowly but surely. But at the same time, he knew they didn't go far. Just far away to give him some peace of mind.

"Mm. 'Tis be'utiful."

Tino's eyes snapped back to Berwald very fast, when the other man finally spoke up again. To Tino's surprise the other man was also looking up towards the sky, and even in the dim light of the moon Tino could tell that the scary expression on his face was nearly nonexistent now. Tino, his fear melting away more and more as the seconds passed, took a small step towards Berwald. The other man didn't notice.

"D-Do you know any of the constellations?"

Berwald didn't look at Tino as he shook his head, keeping his eyes at the stars. Tino didn't know if Berwald was not looking at him because he didn't want to frighten the smaller man, or if he was simply entranced by the stars. And Tino didn't want to know, he was finally starting to feel more comfortable.

"I-I know a few, actually. Um, it can't be seen from here, but on the Northern sky there is a constellation called the big dipper. A-and over there, on the left, that is Sagittarius. The one that kind of looks like a horse with three noses and very long neck. If you follow the handle on the big dipper, there is libra after few skips, the one that is a triangle with two chains dangling from it. And that there is- "

Tino kept on going, explaining about the stars and his thoughts on them to Berwald who might or might not be listening. Tino didn't really care all that much, he just wanted to talk, needed it. And perhaps Berwald really did listen, because he occasionally made a sound of confirmation or affirmation, as if he was telling the rambling Tino he was still there, he was listening.

This went on for almost an hour, and after Tino had completely emptied his thoughts that involved stars or the night in general, they both just left in silence, each in a different direction. But Tino left the lantern behind, waiting for another night when he might need its dim but comforting light.

Little did Tino know that lantern would grow in significance, more than he could ever fathom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing wrong with little bonding, right? Even if it happens when the two are several meters away from each other. Gotta give Tino's broken little heart a break :(
> 
> Fun little Finland fact, the Big Dipper is called Otava here. I'm not 100% certain where the name comes from, I think it's based on an existing water body called Otavainen, which is also featured in our national epic Kalevala. Or at least that's what Wikipedia tells me XD
> 
> Please comment, if you have any thoughts about my work~


	4. There Are Many Lonely Here

That night Tino slept unexpectedly well, and although his dreams were not void of nightmares Berwald's scowl did not haunt him in his slumber. As Tino woke up he felt weirdly proud of himself, like he had taken a small step forward.

He also felt incredibly embarrassed and ashamed.

Berwald had seen Tino at one of his worst moments. It was far from Tino's absolute worst moment, but it was close. Had Tino seriously thought Berwald would just shoot him, with no reason? That was ridiculous…

Tino groaned quietly in his dark, cold cabin. The fire had died during the night and Tino slung his legs over the edge of his low, archaic bed in order to reignite it. Tino could feel the cool floor even through his wool socks and it sent a shiver up his spine. It had always baffled Tino how bad the cabin's insulation was, the warmth escaped from the tiniest of cracks. Tino sighed and quickly shuffled over to the fireplace. He threw in four pieces of firewood and waited for the still glowing coals to ignite the pine. Tino stared at the fireplace dazed, suddenly mesmerized by the small flames that burst from between the firewood. Embers, like tiny stars, danced around the bark that was slowly beginning to burn and blacken, and underneath the glowing coals hummed and pulsed like a living being. It was beautiful…

Tino blinked. He couldn't remember when the last time he had thought fire was beautiful. In his younger days Tino had thought that all the time, but recently, fire was just a convenience. But this fire, this small, rather pitiful fire in his fireplace, it was almost breathtaking.

Tino's face was split with the largest smile he had smiled in a long time and he rushed to bring his easel out. He needed to paint this, he needed to immortalize this fire and this feeling before he forgot. Tino didn't want to forget, not after regaining something he thought he had lost. Tino just hoped he still had enough red paint left…

***

The sun had already been up for few hours when Tino finally exited his cabin. It was unheard of; sunlight was precious in Lapland and one that wasted it was a fool. Well, at least Tino was a happy fool. He had finished his fire painting with frantic fervor, not really focusing on details or technical correctness. His sole goal had been to just express what he had felt, no matter how simple the image would be or how good or bad. Hell, Tino hadn't even looked at the finished painting properly, he had felt too content. He had felt full. Well, only for a few minutes, then Tino had noticed the sun was up and rushed out.

Tino looked around, Kukkamuna was already waiting for him with the sleigh in tow, her owner let her come to Tino's cabin on her own since Kukkamuna knew the way. It seemed like she was scolding Tino with her eyes as he approached her. Tino smiled sheepishly and gave the reindeer a pat on the nose.

"I'm sorry to make you wait girl. Now let's get to work."

Tino and Kukkamuna headed out into a different part of the woods from yesterday, in the opposite direction from Berwald's part of the plot. Tino had assigned spots from which he cut trees, and after he had cut a certain amount, he wasn't allowed to cut any more. And during the spring and summer Tino and the other villagers planted new pines in place of the ones that had been cut down. This made sure that there was enough lumber for decades to come.

Tino tried to be extra fast, since he had already used enough time from his day. But Tino didn't want to say he had wasted time painting, because he felt that he gained much more from painting than from cutting down trees. Mental health was more precious than money, in his opinion. And his improvement showed, Tino hummed as he worked and had a small spring to his step.

Kukkamuna noticed her friend's good mood too, since Tino gave her a lot more pats and compliments than usual. Kukkamuna didn't complain, Tino was about the only human she wanted to get affection from, after all. Only living being, really. Other reindeer were annoying.

By the time Tino had cut down the trees he needed the sun was already starting to set. Tino still had some jobs to do in the village, so he quickly ushered Kukkamuna towards Urho's warehouse. Kukkamuna didn't appreciate being rushed, but thankfully wasn't too difficult. She just stepped on Tino's foot once and begrudgingly jogged along the winter road. Tino just chuckled and hopped on the sleigh. Nothing could bring his mood down today.

Urho wasn't there when Tino got to the warehouse, which was odd. The man sometimes rivaled Tino when it came to overwork. Half of his lumber transporting carriages were gone too, and Tino frowned in confusion. The lumber transportation season started after spring came, what could Urho need the carriages for?

Nevertheless, Tino needed to leave the lumber here, so he got to work. He initially piled it up against the outer wall of the warehouse. Entering the warehouse without Urho's permission and supervision was forbidden, and it was locked anyway. Lumber could be very expensive depending on who and where you sold it to. Kukkamuna waited patiently, eating the lichen Tino had left her on the ground as a reward. Yes, Kukkamuna was very much liking her friend's mood today, especially since it earned her extra treats.

Tino dusted his mittens and wandered back over to Kukkamuna, looking around again in case Urho decided to show up. He didn't, and Tino's confusion just grew. Maybe something was wrong? Tino decided to ask around in the village once he got there, it was unlike Urho to be away from the warehouse during daylight hours.

Kukkamuna still kept a brisk pace as she and Tino headed over to the village, Tino still on the sleigh. It only took a few minutes for them to reach the center of the village, and on the way there Tino noticed how few people were out and about. Really unusual. But he found out why when he arrived at the village center. Most of the residents were gathered in and near the center, all of them wearing their thickest, warmest winter clothing, and their cheeks were so red that they had probably been outside for hours now. The villages were divided in groups, each group doing different tasks. Some were carrying boards and lumber, some were counting and sorting wool and pelts, some were clearing snow off the rooves and roads. But most were gathered on the village square, and Berwald was in the middle of it all, talking to each group with the same old intimidating expression on his face. Tino blinked from where he was standing at the edge of the square, what was happening here?

"Tino! Tino, over here!"

Tino looked over to the person who was calling his name, it was Raini. Tino left Kukkamuna tied to a fencepost and jogged over to Raini. Raini also seemed to be in a good mood, probably because his employer Mr. Hålberg was nowhere to be seen. Apparently, the question was apparent on Tino's face, because Tino didn't even need to ask before Raini began explaining what was going on.

"Mr. Hålberg hired Mr. Oxenstierna to refurbish and fix the houses in the village and teach the villagers how to improve insulation on their houses. That's what has been going on all day, we have been doing inventory and Mr. Oxenstierna has checked the amount of damage. It seems like no one informed you, I'm sorry."

Tino let out a silent "Oh" as he understood the situation, and then looked back to Berwald. So, the man was a builder and a carpenter. Somehow that made sense, the man was tall and sturdy like a tree trunk, much like the material he worked with. A wave of appreciation washed over Tino, because he knew the state of the houses in the village. Some of them were just wood boxes with a roof haphazardly on the top. Very much not suited for the harsh Lapland winters.

"Well, I probably wouldn't have had much time to help today anyway, so I don't mind. But now that I am here, I would love to help. What can I do?"

Tino smiled at Raini, and Raini gave him a small, timid smile back. He gestured towards Berwald, and Tino's smile wavered. He already knew what was coming before Raini even voiced it.

"Mr. Oxenstierna is doing the work division, I'm sure there's something for you to do. We need all the help we can get."

Raini began walking towards Berwald, currently explaining something to a group of large, muscular men. Lumber workers and miners, mostly, they had the most strength out of all the villagers. Tino and Raini looked rather pathetic next to them, both barely over 170cm tall with lean, petite bodies. Tino however did have muscles, they were just hidden under his oversized winter clothes.

As they got closer to Berwald both Raini and Tino looked more and more timid and scared. Berwald was concentrating right now, so his scowl looked even more intense than usual, and he was very much out of his element being an active leader. Berwald preferred being one of the workers, not the one who supervised and assigned roles. But he knew it was necessary, he was supposed to teach these people how to make some basic repairs by themselves, after all.

From the corner of his eye Berwald saw Raini and Tino approaching, but he mostly noticed just Tino. The scene from last night flashed through his mind momentarily, how the man had had frozen tears on his cheeks and a timid smile on his face. And how pretty he had looked in the dim moonlight.

Berwald shook his head, now wasn't the time for that. He told the group of men before him where they should carry the lumber, and then turned over to look at Raini and Tino. Tino was half hiding behind Raini, the sight of that was both kind of cute and hurtful. Berwald had been under the impression that they had shared a moment last night, even if neither of them wasn't going to bring it up. Berwald certainly wasn't, since Tino probably preferred to pretend it never happened.

"M-Mr. Oxenstierna, you remember Tino, correct? H-He just arrived; do you have any work left for him?"

Berwald blinked and glanced at Tino. The smaller man flinched, but to Berwald's pleasant surprise he waved slightly and even tried to smile. So, there was some development between them, that was good.

"Hrm, l't me ch'ck…"

Berwald said and pulled out a checklist he had made in the morning. It had all the tasks they needed to finish by sunset today, and their progression as people reported back. Most tasks were already done, but there was something that wasn't progressing as fast as Berwald wished.

"Nail s'rting isn't f'nished."

Berwald said, remembering to try and soften his tone so it wouldn't frighten Tino. Or Raini for that matter, since he also seemed to be as scared as Tino. Berwald gestured towards a large fabric tarp, that was spread on the ground at the edge of the square. On top of it were various tools, scrap metal and leather. And a big pile of nails, that took over almost one third of the tarp.

"Sep'rate the rusted on's and thr'w 'em away. Pleas'."

It was almost comical how Berwald added the "Please" at the end as an afterthought, his tone slightly flustered. This just showed how Berwald didn't like being a leader, when you got used to receiving direct orders you also unconsciously gave them, and Berwald didn't really like sounding so rude.

Small smile appeared on Tino's face he noticed the slight shift in Berwald's tone. Raini however didn't seem to notice, and just nodded and rushed over to the tarp in order to start sorting. Tino was left without his protective shield, and suddenly he was extremely conscious of Berwald, who was just few meters away from him. Tino tried to ignore the surge of fear that overcame him, and he nodded politely and also walked over to the tarp, keeping his steps even. It would've been very rude to rush away after Berwald hadn't done anything and had even been polite.

Tino sat down on the edge of the tarp next to Raini, who already had a small pile of rusty nails next to him on the ground. Tino also began shifting through the nail pile, already spotting two rusty nails in the bunch. He did wonder why they were doing this, and was about to ask Raini, when suddenly Berwald appeared next to them. Tino stifled a squeak, something Raini wasn't able to do, as they both looked up at Berwald with fear and confusion. Berwald sat down as well, as far away he could from Tino as possible while also being able to reach the nails, and began doing what they were doing, much to Tino's and Raini's surprise. He was looking down, trying to hide how his face was unusually red even though he had been outside for a while now.

"Got n'thing els' to do f'r now. D'cided to help ya."

Raini and Tino both blinked, but whereas Raini nodded quickly and got back to work Tino stifled a giggle instead of a squeak. The way Berwald said those words just now while hiding his face, was…somehow endearing. Just a little bit. But Tino didn't bother holding back the small smile that was now on his face.

"Thank you, Mr. Oxenstierna."

He said quietly and bit timidly. Berwald grunted as a kind of "Don't mention it" and continued sorting the nails, aiming his fierce, concentrated gaze at them. It didn't look nearly as scary now that Tino had caught a glimpse of the man's embarrassed blush.

"Um, if you don't mind me asking, why are we doing this? I imagine Mr. Hålberg would gladly provide you with new materials if you asked…"

Tino inquired carefully, all the while sorting the nails. His rusty pile was growing at a rapid rate, the village's nail reserves were not looking good.

"If I do th't it costs extra m'ney. Th'n the villag'rs gotta w'rk doubl' to earn it b'ck. Wanna avoid th't. This sav's m'ney."

Tino felt his heart warm up a tiny bit. So, this was for the villagers, who were already overworking themselves to the bone. Tino was surprised that Berwald was capable of being this thoughtful, and he was also ashamed of himself for that surprise. He didn't even know Berwald, and just based on his appearance Tino had assumed that the man wasn't compassionate. Even though he had shown the capability to be just that last night, when he had helped Tino calm his turbulent heart.

"Hmm, I see. Thank you for thinking of us."

Tino said with a gentler tone, and smiled. It was the largest smile he had given Berwald thus far, and Berwald looked at it with slight amazement and surprise. Although to anyone else it would've looked like a common glare Tino was slowly learning to read Berwald's expressions. A little. More or less. Okay, not that much, but he could tell that the other man was appreciating the smile.

It was strange for Tino to say "us", when he didn't actually consider himself to be one of the villagers. He was in the same situation as most of them, aside from being in debt to Mr. Hålberg. That was how he kept his workers in the village, he lent them money when they most needed it, and the interest rates were ridiculously high. Tino had been smart enough not to lend any money, which was also why he had to work extra and why Hålberg didn't like him. Tino felt like he floated above the village community, occasionally touching down but also keeping himself separate. That was the wisest thing to do, considering Tino's situation. But even though Tino wasn't bound to this place it felt so hard to leave he might as well could've been. Tino had accepted this was probably where he was going to die.

In mutual silence the three of them sorted nails and after they finished with that, they sorted the screws, and when the sun slowly set, they were able to finish their workload. And somehow Tino felt 100 times more content than after finishing his lumber run.

After Tino returned Kukkamuna to her owner he and Berwald returned to their cabins together, since the same road led them halfway. Each walked on a different side of the road, and they both kept glancing at each other when the other was not looking. And when they arrived on a fork on the road the two sent each other a look, a small wave, and in the evening dusk they separated. The other content, the other uneasy.


	5. So Much Forbidden Love

Much too many paintings had been building up for too long now. That was the inevitable conclusion Tino came to as he looked at the small closet he kept his finished paintings in. Painting was much more than a hobby to him at this point, it was a part of him, something he needed to keep on living. This naturally led to him painting a lot. Like, a lot lot. And that lead to him finishing a lot of paintings, that then he had to stash because he couldn't possibly have them hanging on his walls, someone could see them, and Tino couldn't sell them or give them away, he couldn't let anyone know he painted. Thus, about once every few months, Tino had to get rid of all his finished paintings. And he did that by lighting a pyre and burning them, so only ash remained. Each time it killed a small part of Tino, because he had poured his heart and soul into each and every piece, but he had no choice. It was either that, or risk getting found out and…

Tino shook his head a bit, and sighed. He would do it tomorrow evening, after no one would be in the woods or near them anymore. Tino couldn't risk anyone seeing him burn his paintings.

Tino shut and locked the door to the closet. It was early morning, and today Tino had decided to take a break from lumber work. Partly because he wanted to help with the village house repairs, and partly because Kukkamuna's owner had given her and the sleigh to Berwald to use in the repairs. Like Raini had said, any help was desperately needed. The village only had 20 or so strong enough men to do the heavy lifting, and 30 or so elderly, women and children. The rest were men like Tino or Raini that had no above average strength or special skills that could be used. But even they could serve their purpose, or so Berwald had promised. He had work to do for everyone, because the refurbishing process had a lot of unexpected steps that didn't require muscles or brains.

Tino didn't think of himself as stupid, just simple sometimes. And he was just fine with that, being simple meant he could enjoy the little things. Well, at least he tried, but years of hardship tended to wisen up any individual. But judging from the feeling the fire had given him and the painting he had done just the other day Tino would say he was regaining the ability to be simple.

Tino wrapped himself tightly and thoroughly into his winter gear and set out, right after sunrise. Yet again Tino was in a good mood, despite the painting pyre he would have to do tomorrow. Being helpful always made Tino feel better, nothing was better than being there for others. It made them feel better, and it made Tino feel temporarily whole again. Win-win.

Tino walked along the road, or more like a winding path, and watched the rising sun slowly shorten the shadows of both the trees and his own. Tino smiled a little, the thin, drifting clouds on the sky looked like silk dyed with all the colours of the dawn, framed by the bluest of skies. Yep, Tino was definitely in a good mood, usually mornings saddened him, or made him tired.

When Tino came to the fork on the road where he and Berwald had separated the previous night he looked towards the other man's cabin. There were fresh tracks in the snow, going towards the village. Berwald had woken up before Tino, probably before anyone else, and went to work. Tino could feel his respect towards the man rise. Not enough to counter the fear and uncertainty, but Tino was glad to see the man in another light. Being constantly suspicious and afraid was very tiring, after all, and Berwald seemed like a good man.

It was going to be a long day, and to get some warmth Tino jogged the rest of the way. As he arrived to the village square he was both happy and unhappy to see that he and Berwald were among the first ones to arrive. Tino swallowed, looking at Berwald, who was chatting with one big, burly man and an older woman. Both looked serious, and Tino recognized them. The big man was Hålberg's stable manager, and the woman was one of the village elders. She was the oldest woman, which just showed the life expectancy in the village. She was barely 60.

Tino began walking towards them, and quickened his steps when the woman seemed to get agitated and raised her voice at both Berwald and the big man. On the way Tino dug up both their names from his memory.

"Mrs. Aho, Mr. Kauhanen! Good morning to you!"

Tino said, loudly but not too loudly, as he got closer, and he had a polite smile on his face. Berwald glanced at him, and Tino could swear he saw relief in his eyes. Perhaps Tino had saved him.

"Tino! You need to tell these big oafs what's what as well! They want to begin fixing the houses that are most run down first, but obviously they should start with houses that have children and elderly living in them! The worst cabins only have single young people living in them, they can afford to wait a little longer!"

Mrs. Aho wasn't even trying to keep her voice down, and the entire village square heard her opinion. Opinion which Tino wasn't sure if he should support or not. Kauhanen rolled his eyes, and Berwald looked his usual menacing self. But Tino thought he saw some uncertainty in his eyes, and he was gripping a piece of paper in his hands tightly.

"If we w'it to fix the w'rst ho'ses winter will w'rsen an' their ch'nces at s'rvival lessen. I can t'ach ya how to ins'late yer ho'ses better so ya c'n-"

"Oh speak properly, ya Swede! This hag can't understand a word yer sayin'!"

This time the big man, Kauhanen, exploded at Berwald, clearly frustrated with the man's Swedish accent, which was quite thick. Tino had understood him, but he was clearly the only one willing to listen. Mrs. Aho and Mr. Kauhanen began to bicker with each other, and Berwald looked a bit lost next to them, probably unsure of he should speak again. Tino, who had just been a bystander thus far, frowned a bit, peeved at these people. Berwald was here to help, and his reasoning was sound if the two only bothered to listen. Tino stepped closer to the bickering pair and patted them both on the shoulder, getting their attention.

"What Mr. Oxenstierna wanted to say was, that starting with the worst houses will give their residents a better chance at survival. If we wait to fix the houses the winter will become worse. Don't you remember the last winter? Half of the people who died lived alone, in the houses that are now in ruins. Mr. Oxenstierna will teach you how to better insulate your houses, so the families and elderly can afford to wait until the worst houses are fixed. Does this sound unreasonable to you?"

Tino could be stern when he wanted to, and here he showed off that ability. He said each word clearly and curtly, and he hardened his eyes to show that he meant business. Mrs. Aho and Mr. Kauhanen both looked surprised, that suddenly the tiny, sweet Tino seemed several centimeters taller and a whole lot older. If Tino had been looking he probably would've seen Berwald's eyes widen slightly in surprise as well, the last thing he had expected the smaller man to do was stand up for him.

Mrs. Aho, who had now calmed down, frowned and looked from Tino to Berwald. She huffed, put her other hand on her hip and pointed a finger at Berwald.

"Ya better get to work then, boy! The cold front is just few weeks away!"

As loud as ever, Mrs. Aho made her statement and then joined a group of women, that had been following the situation. She ushered them away, saying they had work to do, and all the women obeyed without any resistance. Mrs. Aho had a lot of pull in the community.

"I'll be damned, that old hag actually listened. Maybe ya should use this pipsqueak as a translator, eh, Oxenstierna?"

Kauhanen laughed loudly at his quip, and gave both Berwald and Tino a pat(or more like a shove) on the back. It was strong enough to make Tino stumble forward, and he laughed a bit nervously.

"That was just the polite thing to do in a heated situation. I'm sure Mr. Oxenstierna can handle himself."

Tino sent a small glance at Berwald, trying to see if he was going to support his statement. Berwald was a grown man, he could fend for himself and his Swedish accent. Well, Berwald did eventually nod, but Tino could swear he saw the man hesitate, actually considering it. That made Tino both afraid and embarrassed, and just a little bit flattered, that Berwald would've wanted him to act as a translator.

"For sure! But sometimes I got no idea what the man is mumbling, so stick around, Tino!"

With that Kauhanen gave Tino another strong pat(aka. shove) and walked away laughing. He was also joined by few other of the stronger men, and each of them grabbed an amount of boards that would take Tino three trips to carry on his own. Tino couldn't help but glance down at himself and curse his small stature.

"Um..."

Startled at Berwald's voice Tino spun to face him, and suddenly realized how close he was to the man. There was barely a meter between them, and Tino's heart sped up from fear, or at least he thought it was fear. Tino took a step back, and then looked at the other man timidly, tilting his head a bit with a question in his eyes.

"Th'nk ya. F'r…helpin' me."

Tino blinked, and smiled just a little. Berwald was blushing ever so slightly again, now the other man couldn't hide it and Tino caught it properly. He wanted to chuckle, but didn't want to make Berwald feel even more embarrassed, so he just shook his head dismissively.

"Like I said, it was only polite, and my pleasure. Now, what kind of work do you have for me today?"

Tino smiled politely, and noticed he was having a normal conversation with Berwald. His fear was there, yes, but it was easier to forget after such a situation, and Berwald's expression was softened by embarrassment. But Berwald was snapped out of it when work was mentioned, and his scowl returned to normal. Tino flinched a little, but thankfully so little that Berwald didn't notice. The larger man was focused on his list, and eventually his eyes stopped on one spot and he pointed somewhere behind Tino. Tino turned around and saw Kukkamuna, fighting her owner's grip on her reigns. Tino sighed a bit, he could guess what Berwald was going to tell him to do.

"Th't reindeer 's one of the str'ngest aroun', but it won' coop'rate. Her own'r told me she list'ns to ya."

Tino nodded, Kukkamuna was indeed strong, and stubborn. He suddenly felt very proud of himself for being able to gain her trust, even if it had taken almost two years. Tino turned back to Berwald and nodded, agreeing to this job. It was one only he could do, after all.

"Leave her to me, boss."

Tino said, joking a bit and doing a small salute with two fingers. This time Tino didn't bother stifling his chuckle, but right after saying what he said Tino felt afraid. What if Berwald didn't have a sense of humour? What if he would get angry, and tell Tino to stop fooling around? What if-?

"At eas', s'ldier."

Berwald answered, mirroring Tino's salute, and Tino thought his eyes were playing tricks on him when he saw a ghost of a smile on the man's face. Tino froze for a moment, awed by this brand-new expression and interaction, and so did Berwald when he saw that Tino froze. The two men just stared at each other just long enough for it to be weird. Tino unfroze first, and blushed in embarrassment. He nodded again and hurried away, towards Kukkamuna and her owner. Kukkamuna had managed to pull the reigns off her owner's hands and was now chasing him around in a small circle.

Behind Tino's back Berwald was blushing as well, and quickly focused back on the list in order to get rid of the image of Tino blushing in his mind.

The rest of the day went as smoothly as it could. Kukkamuna was compliant the moment Tino began handling her, trusting in the only human who had never used hard words or a whip towards her. Berwald was gradually getting the hand of being in charge, and he noticed that as long as he spoke slowly no one complained about his mumbly accent. Aside from Mrs. Aho, who now seemed to have a personal grudge towards the Swedish man. She wasn't the only one, many of the elderly clearly disliked the man for what his ancestors had done to their people. But that was something that couldn't be helped, Berwald was here to do a job, and he couldn't right the wrongs of those that came before him.

Berwald and Tino didn't see much of each other, each of them busy with their respective jobs. Berwald focused on teaching the villagers and helping the men at the sawmill in cutting up the lumber to make more boards. Tino only saw him when he brought more lumber or took some away with Kukkamuna. On top of that Kukkamuna and the other work reindeer were needed in pulling several other resources, such as stones and pelts, from place to place. But each time Tino and Berwald saw each other they first looked away with embarrassment, then looked back, and gave each other a small wave and maybe a small smile from Tino's side. No one noticed, but the two men could feel that some sort of thin bond was forming, they just didn't know the nature of it.

***

The reports were spread on the desk haphazardly, seemingly with no order. But the one viewing the saw order in the chaos. And what he saw was starting to please him. Five years wasn't a long time, but it had felt like an eternity. They had said he wouldn't succeed. They wanted him to, but at the same time wanted to deny him his deserved success. A fist collided with the table, sending several of the reports into the air and to the floor. He looked down at one, it was a map and clumsy writing. It was an old report, one he had ignored before. The claims on it were ridiculous, couldn't be true, so he had ignored it as nonsense. But now he looked at it, picked it up and let his eyes roam the page. It fit the pattern that had formed during these long, long years. If the information on this report was true, then this map was the missing piece. He carefully set the report on the table, amidst the order within the chaos. And it fit. He stood up abruptly, and rushed out the door. He had several letters to send.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a mysterious ending... O_O
> 
> Sorry if some of you guys don't like that Kukkamuna is kind of a tsundere in this one, reindeer are known for their stubbornness and free spirit, so I decided to lean more towards that in her personality.


	6. Paintings Aren't Enough to Tell

It was the night of the painting pyre, and Tino was feeling forlorn and depressed. His mood had been down in the dumps the entire day, although no one seemed to notice, thankfully. Tino smiled like normal, spoke pleasantly and only showed his sad expression to Kukkamuna. But now that Tino thought about it, Berwald's eyes had lingered on him more today. It was as if Tino had been able to sense the man's gaze on him, it was unnerving to say the least. But whenever Tino had looked back Berwald had either been looking away, or quickly shifted his gaze so it looked like he was looking at something near or behind Tino. That hadn't improved Tino's mood in the least, even if his feelings and attitude towards Berwald had shifted for the better the man was still scary. Being stared at by the Swede felt ominous…

But Tino didn't want to think about it now. What he was about to do was nearly sacred for him, a ritual that took a lot out of him emotionally. Tino wanted to give it his full attention. He had all his paintings in a small sled, and he had a rope attached to it. The rope was further attached to Tino's waist, so he could pull the sled as he skied. At times like these Tino wished he was the owner of Kukkamuna, with her pulling the sled the journey would be a lot shorter. But alas, Kukkamuna wasn't here, and Tino couldn't afford to buy her. So Tino sighed and began pushing himself along the snow with the help of ski poles, this time not using his snowshoes in favour of skis. Tino often preferred his snowshoes because he liked to take his time and enjoy the view around him, but he couldn't waste time at that tonight, since he had to quickly get the ritual over with. Especially now that he had a neighbor, who could very well see Tino's pyre, which shone brightly in the dark of the night. Which was why he had waited until it was few hours after midnight, Berwald couldn't possibly be awake at this hour if he indeed was a human being who required sleep.

Tino had a designated place where he performed his pyre, by the Christmas pine. The clearing was large enough for burning a decent sized pyre with no worries of the fire spreading and it was so isolated that no one could happen upon it by accident unless they were very lost. And the place also held a special meaning for Tino, it felt more comforting to do it there.

Tino didn't have a lantern, despite the cloudy night being very dark. He knew the way like the back of his hand, and a lantern would be waiting for him at the clearing. He still remembered leaving it there, and he had been right about the thought of it waiting for him bringing him hope.

The sled was heavy and so was Tino's mind, heavy with depressed thoughts and doubts. If it was up to him, he would really love to keep all the paintings. Even if they damned Tino he felt ready to face his fate. But Tino's fate wasn't in his hand, he had no right to decide upon his future. Tino had made a promise, he had promised to hold on, to live as long as he could. And perkele, he would live, even if it meant he had to destroy small parts of himself in a pyre. A pyre that was closer to hellfire in Tino's mind. Because if it was then at least some of Tino's soul would then already be in hell waiting for him when Death would finally claim Tino.

With these dark thoughts accompanying him Tino arrived at the clearing, looking at the Christmas pine. In his current mood it felt like the thing was mocking him, reminding him of happy days long past that Tino would never reclaim. Everything had been easy then, life and feelings and actions had all been so simple and straightforward. But look at Tino now, a husk of himself. He was sure that his mother was looking down from Heaven with her heart shattered at the sight of her son. Damned to hell both on Earth and in afterlife.

Tino sighed deeply, he shouldn't wallow anymore. He had plenty of time for that, but only tonight for this. Tino untied the rope, stuck his ski poles on the snow and dragged the sled rest of the way to an empty spot on the clearing. Tino shuffled over to the tree and lit the lantern. Despite his heavy, dark mood the feeble, warm light was able to conjure up a small smile on his face. Perhaps the darkness of night, usually Tino's muse, had only worked to worsen his mood tonight. It was a double-edged sword of sorts, after all. Happy to be able to feel something else besides sorrow if only for a little while Tino began unloading the paintings into a pile. There was no need for additional kindling, the canvases had highly flammable fabric, wood and paints on them and would light up with ease.

Almost all the paintings were now in the pile, but when Tino lifted the last one he hesitated. It was the fire painting, his spark of hope, his new start. Tino could still feel what he had felt at that fateful moment, when he gazed upon the painting. And he felt guilt. Wasn't it much too ironic to burn fire with fire? Much too cruel? Besides, this painting…it was special. Even among all these paintings, this one meant something more to Tino. He hesitated more, slowly forcing himself to reach his arms out in order to toss the paintings on top of the others. It was too dangerous to keep even one painting. Tino couldn't risk anything, he just couldn't, he had to live, he had to survive, he…he had to…

With a defeated slump to his shoulders Tino carefully set the painting back on the sled, covering it with a pelt. He just couldn't do it. Not when this painting was such a big sign of change and hope for him. Not when it made Tino feel so much more alive with him just knowing it existed. Maybe someday, when everything made sense again, Tino would burn it. But now, now it was too early to let go.

Tino pulled out a tinderbox and knelt by the paintings. It only took him two tries to get the paintings to catch, and after that the fire spread quickly. Soon there was a roaring pyre before Tino, and he could feel the intense warmth spreading into his chilled body. Tino felt guilty about enjoying this warmth, it was created by a sacrifice that slowly tore pieces if his soul away. Tino could feel tears on his face as he gazed into the fire, watching as his paintings slowly disintegrated into ashes. It was for the best, or so Tino told himself. It did little to dull the pain, but he had to tell himself that. Otherwise Tino couldn't have taken it.

Tino didn't leave until every last ember was dark and cold, and sun was already starting to rise in the horizon. He left the lantern on, because Tino felt that if he knew the small light was still shining by the Christmas pine, he could pull himself through the following days.

***

Berwald dreamed of fire. Not in a bad way, surprisingly, like he normally did. Berwald didn't feel the searing pain of his flesh burning or hear his own screams as smoke filled his lungs. No, Berwald dreamed of the glow of flames, their soft light, and the warmth they spread across his tired body. Berwald was watching a sea of flames in darkness, far below him, but it wasn't raging. The fire was like water, flowing and swaying calmly. It looked so peaceful that Berwald almost felt the urge to dive in and float in the flames, he felt like it wouldn't be painful like real fire. Somehow Berwald knew this was a dream, and the fire below him wouldn't hurt him. And yet, he stayed away, just watching, and enjoying the sights and sounds and sensations. In the flames Berwald could swear he occasionally saw writhing figures; he could vaguely smell the disgusting stench of burning flesh and he could swear he heard quiet whispers and faraway screams. It was like his usual nightmares were trying to break into this space and ruin Berwald's rare calm, lucid dream. But because this dream was lucid Berwald merely strengthened his barriers and kept the nightmares out. They had no place here, and Berwald had the control.

Berwald woke up refreshed, and he only had to turn his head slightly to look out the window that faced the sunrise. That always helped him shed the last remnants of sleep from his mind. But there was something obscuring the sunrise this morning, a big plume of smoke. Berwald frowned and sat up, suddenly wide awake and very alarmed. Was it a fire? No, Berwald could see that the smoke wasn't produced by an active fire, it was faint and already disappearing. It was still suspicious, and Berwald was in his winter clothes and out the door in no time. He skied in the direction of the smoke, and halfway there he knew where he was headed. Berwald's frown deepened even more, and his concern grew. Berwald didn't know what he was going to find at the source of this smoke, but he had a feeling he wasn't going to like it.

Like he had thought, the smoke was rising from the very clearing where Tino had wept and told Berwald about stars. The place where they had had their unspoken night. Berwald had been debating the truthfulness of that night and whether it had actually happened, but now that he once again saw the bizarre decorated tree in the morning light and the dimly glowing lantern Berwald had no doubts. Just like he had no doubts, that the remnants of a large fire in front of him had been left here by Tino. What he had burned Berwald did not know, and he wouldn't ask about it. Berwald had a feeling Tino had many layers, and many secrets. That much had been made clear by their brief acquaintanceship. Berwald was beginning to realize he truly had no idea who Tino actually was.

But one thing Berwald knew. And that was the fact, that he wanted to deepen his relations with this mysterious Finn.

***

Despite Berwald's best efforts little to no progress was made in their relationship during the next week or so. Berwald wasn't the most social of people, and he was kept busy with the renovations to the village. The villagers were simple people with simple knowledge about the world around them, and so it took a lot of effort from Berwald's part to explain everything to them. Especially since only few people in the village could even read, those few being Hålberg, his personal attendant Raini and few other servants in the landowner's household. However, the lumber yard chief Urho could do some more advanced math due to him wanting to do his own accounting, and he was one of Berwald's main helpers during the renovations. The older man was straightforward and didn't speak a lot, so he and Berwald could understand each other on a different level.

Tino mainly stuck with being Kukkamuna's handler, and that also kept him busy. Kukkamuna was absolutely useless without Tino around, rather she hindered the renovations if she was left alone or with another handler. But aside from handling Kukkamuna Tino occasionally distracted and played with the children of the village when they were too much in the way. Tino was quite good at handling children, almost as good as he was at handling Kukkamuna. The children loved Tino and the stories he told them, and the man's kind disposition made him easily approachable and trustworthy. Tino was often referred to as "The Babysitter", since many women of the village payed Tino to watch their children while they worked. Tino didn't mind in the least, he loved children, and they also helped him cheer up. The painting pyre had left him in very low spirits, after all.

Nothing significant happened between the two until around the end of January. The weather was getting increasingly colder just as had been predicted, and the temperature at night was almost – 35 degrees Celsius. The cabins that had been in the worst shape had already been fixed up enough, so they could withstand the cold weather. The residents no longer had to fear freezing to death, even though they couldn't avoid feeling a little cold. The renovations had moved on to family homes, and almost half of all the houses in the village were now initially fixed. Hålberg was praising Berwald to high heaven, even though the renovations were just a temporary fix against the ruthless winter weather. Berwald would have to stay for at least 4 months more, until the snow melted, so he could do some thorough fixes that winter weather didn't allow. Nevertheless, everyone was thankful and slowly warming up to Berwald. Well, everyone except Tino, whose attitude was the same as ever. The smaller man wasn't openly afraid of Berwald, but kept his distance if he could, and flinched under Berwald's gaze. Tino was polite and smiled those small smiles of his but remained closed off. Despite this Berwald still stayed curious and determined, some would say he was a little obsessed. Although it barely showed outside in the form of almost constant glances and occasional tries at conversation(these usually failed). Berwald yearned to have a moment between them that was similar to the one week prior, when Tino had joked and Berwald had effortlessly answered in kind.

Berwald's thoughts wandered to that very moment, as he sat on the roof of a house, watching Tino lift a child on the difficult reindeer's back. The Finn had a wide smile on his face, or at least that was how it seemed to Berwald, as the child laughed in delight and the reindeer seemed disgruntled. The scene almost made Berwald smile, Tino seemed to radiate light around him when he genuinely smiled. Berwald had noticed Tino wasn't keeping his distance just from the Swede, he was like that around everyone(although it was more obvious when it came to Berwald). Tino was just polite and sweet enough to not be rude. But around children it was like Tino's true nature shone through, and he was able to genuinely smile. A strange urge came over Berwald. He wanted to make the Finn smile like that, he wanted Tino to open up around him, he wanted to become the smaller man's rock, he wanted to-

"Hey Oxenstierna, look out!"

Berwald snapped back to reality, just in time to see a board head straight for his head. One of the men on the roof was moving it to a correct position, turning so it swung in a wide angle. Berwald was able to dodge enough to avoid serious damage, but the board's edge cut his temple, resulting in a small wound. Berwald teetered at the very edge of his balance for several moments, fighting to straighten and hoping to win the fight. Unfortunately, laws of nature weren't that kind. Berwald felt the gravity get a hold of his large body, and Berwald rolled down the roof and fell to the ground. Thankfully the houses weren't tall and the snow softened Berwald's fall, but he fell badly on his shoulder, and it dislocated with a nasty sound, that was like a combination of a pop and a crunch. Berwald didn't yell, but he grunted loudly in pain, and slowly sat up while holding his shoulder. He heard people yelling in concern, and then talking as they got close enough. Berwald looked up and was surprised to see Tino was among the first people to come check on him. It looked like the man's defenses were temporarily down, and worry was clear on his face as he inquired Berwald whether he was alright.

"Mm, j'st my should'r. Disl'cated it. 'M alr'ght."

Berwald explained, and hissed as he stood up. He could feel some blood trickling down along the side of his face, but he could tell that the wound wasn't serious. Tino didn't seem convinced though, and neither did the rest of the people(mostly women), who had come check up on Berwald.

"Nonsense! You need to get your injuries treated, we are all depending on you, so you need to stay healthy."

Tino said, showcasing his capability to stubbornness and sternness that Berwald had witnessed a week earlier. The others nodded along, and few of the older women herded Berwald towards a nearby house so they could treat his injuries. The village had no official doctor, but the residents were very used to simple work injuries and could easily treat a dislocated shoulder and a cut. Berwald glanced behind him before he was pulled into the house, in order to get a look at Tino. The way the smaller man was looking towards Berwald with concern and…anxiousness(?) made the Swede's heart skip a beat. Said skip of heart made Berwald frown to himself, confused as to why he had reacted that way. But before he could further analyze his feelings Berwald was shut inside the house and the (painful) treatment began.

Tino was surprised at how shocked he had been about Berwald's injuries. Getting hurt was nothing new here. Helvetti, even death was a more frequent visitor than in most places. Tino had been abrasions, broken bones, countless cuts and bruises and scratches and even a missing finger or toe more than once. So why did a simple dislocated shoulder and a shallow cut get him so shaken? Even when Berwald had looked scarier than usual with his pained expression Tino had not flinched or taken a step back. Rather, he had wanted to support the larger man, despite being much weaker and barely tall enough to reach little past Berwald's shoulders.

Tino kept pondering this for the rest of the day, or at least until the village women released Berwald. His arm was in a sling and there was a small gauze around his head. The sight of that made Tino fill with compassion and concern. But he made sure not to show it too strongly, it would've been much too strange to show how much he cared, and about another man, no less. There were enough rumours about Tino going around and he wanted to avoid adding to them. So, he was subtle about his concern(or at least he tried). Berwald insisted on working for the last few hours of daylight, but he mainly stuck to being an advisor and not doing any actual physical labour. When Berwald tried lifting something or even gesturing too much someone was there to stop him. And Berwald and Tino were both surprised that the Finn was usually the first one to scold the Swede for overexerting himself. For Tino it was like a reflex, an instinct he tried but couldn't fight. He didn't want to see Berwald get hurt any worse, partly because Tino didn't want to get even more confused about why he was feeling this way.

The sun began setting and Tino was given Kukkamuna so he could give Berwald and himself a ride to their respective cabins. As they approached Berwald's cabin Tino realized this was the first time he'd be seeing it. Upon seeing it Tino noted it was very similar to his own cabin, but maybe a bit bigger. And definitely in better shape. It had a stone foundation, whereas Tino's cabin was entirely made of wood, and less worn walls and a sturdier chimney.

"Th'nks fer the r'de."

Berwald said with a curt nod, and slid off the sleigh. When he walked past Kukkamuna Berwald reached out to give the reindeer a pat on the head. Tino opened his mouth to warn Berwald, she was a biter, but when Berwald's hand made contact with her head instead of lashing out Kukkamuna only gave the Swede a glance, and even nuzzled into his hand a tiny bit. Tino gaped at the scene with his mouth slightly agape, his shy and stubborn little Kukkamuna was accepting someone else's touch beside his. Tino felt a little jealous, but at the same time he felt proud of Kukkamuna and…he felt fond of Berwald and his kindness towards animals. That was very strange, and it confused Tino to an extent where he almost forgot to say goodbye to Berwald.

"O-Oh! Um, yes, goodbye, please rest well and be careful."

Tino said shyly while blushing and waved, giving Berwald a small smile. The Swede returned the wave and went inside his cabin. Tino sighed once the door closed and gave Kukkamuna a look.

"Since when have you become a people reindeer?"

Kukkamuna merely snorted and turned around on her own, heading for Tino's cabin. She was going to be spending the night there, it was already too late to return her to her owner on the other side of the village.

On the way to his cabin Tino had time to think about all the strange feelings and thoughts he had had during the day. Being worried or concerned was nothing new to Tino, he was a worrier by nature. But there was always at least little room left for other feelings, that was how Tino stayed level-headed even when things went wrong. But this time worry had completely taken over Tino's entire mind, the only thing he had thought about was Berwald's well-being. That was why he had gone to unnecessary lengths to make sure Berwald hadn't irritated his injuries. Tino was an emotional person so thankfully no one had noticed, but Tino didn't like what had happened to him. What was happening to him. Because Tino was still worried, he was still preoccupied by Berwald's condition. Tino tried to rationalize he wasn't only worried about Berwald, he was worried how his state would affect the renovations going forward. But Tino was fooling no one, much less himself. He was purely worried about Berwald, and that…that couldn't be good.

Another heavy sigh escaped Tino's mouth as he arrived at his cabin. Kukkamuna headed straight for her own spot at the side of the house, where food was already waiting for her. Tino let her go after quickly detaching the sleigh, and then stepped inside. He had to quickly get the fire going to he wouldn't have to sleep in a cold cabin. But Tino paused and froze when he saw the state of his cabin. Everything was in place, that wasn't the strange and chilling thing. What caused Tino to swallow heavily was the broken window, a fist-sized rock on the floor, and the paper wrapped around said rock. Familiar feeling of fear and paranoia gripped him, and Tino couldn't bring himself to step forward.

This really couldn't be good…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Perkele: A Finnish curse word, has no direct English equivalent. But Perkele is basically the ruler of the Underworld, kinda like Satan but Finnish version. Or at least that's the impression I'm under, feel free to look it up.
> 
> Helvetti: Another Finnish swear word, means "Hell".
> 
> Sorry about the cliffhanger, but I felt like this chapter was a bit boring, so I wanted to spice it up towards the end. It also might be a bit rushed at the end. But now things are really going to get started~


	7. Life is Hard Work Here

For the rest of the night Tino avoided the rock like the plague, just letting it sit on the floor amongst the shards of glass. Tino merely covered the broken window with a pelt to keep the icy breeze out, and then he proceeded to sit on his bed and stare at the rock, or more like the paper wrapped around it. Tino knew it contained a message, and that whatever those news were they weren't good, definitely not since they were delivered like this. But Tino didn't want to know what kind of news they were, his life wasn't exactly in a great shape, but it could be a whole lot worse. And that piece of paper could make it exactly that. Tino let out a shuddering sigh and got up to get a fire going in the fireplace. There was so much uncertainty in his mind. That paper could be anything. Someone could be dead, someone could be alive, someone could be near, or someone could be far. Tino didn't like any of those options, depending on who they were in reference to.

Tino glared at the paper, it felt weird to glare even if it was just at a paper. Tino wasn't an angry person, he just wasn't. But this simple piece of paper was evoking feelings within him that Tino had forgotten he even had.

Eventually Tino did approach the rock, if only to clear away the glass shards. And after doing that Tino slowly picked up the rock. The paper was the thick kind that Tino used for sketching, and that alone was enough to tell him a lot. This letter had been sent by one of Tino's friends, hopefully. Only artists used this kind of paper, and Tino's friends knew if they sent a message on this kind of paper Tino would be reassured. Tino was, and quietly hoped the sender was Lukas or Matthias, or maybe even Eduard, although the man was a writer and couldn't draw if his life depended on it. It couldn't be Emil, because he was already far away and would hopefully stay away. Lukas' little brother was stubborn, as teenagers tended to be, but Lukas was even more so plus protective and would go to extreme lengths to make sure Emil was safe. The memory of the two made Tino smile sorrowfully, he missed them and Matthias and Eduard so much.

Tino sat down, slowly yet again, and each of his movements was careful and calculated as he unwrapped the paper from around the rock. Tino let the rock fall to the floor with a thud and a clatter, and his eyes rested on the two sentences that had been written with a familiar cursive handwriting.

'He knows and is coming for you. You have until summer, good luck'

Yes, yes, this was from Lukas, there were no doubts about it whatsoever. The handwriting was unmistakable, as well as the blunt wording and subtle but still present show of concern within the last two words. Seeing the cursive alone made Tino cry from happiness. Lukas was alive, and if Lukas was alive then Matthias and Eduard and everyone else could be alive as well. Matthias would never leave Lukas' side, after all, and Eduard was smart enough to stick with them.

But then the words and their meaning registered, and Tino's blood froze from absolute horror. Memories began playing back in his mind, both the good, the neutral and the bad. All the joy and confusion and, finally, pain. Tino felt nauseous, and he covered his mouth with his hand. There was only one person Lukas could be referring to, and if he was coming then Tino was a dead man walking.

Tino quickly rushed to his door and threw it open rather violently, startling Kukkamuna. Tino emptied the contents of his stomach on the snow, breathing heavily. Tears were still flowing down his cheeks, but they weren't tears of happiness anymore. They were tears of shock, pain and fear. Because everything Tino had been afraid of was becoming reality. But even though Tino was terrified and hopelessness was very much present in his mind there was also room for rationality, for the first time today.

Had this happened just few years earlier Tino would've lost his mind, he would've been overcome by his horror and he would've done things he'd have regretted. But thankfully now he was collected enough to know there was no immediate danger. Tino had until summer, even that man couldn't act however he wanted, his position was too high for that. So Tino had time to plan his escape.

He would not get caught. Not again.

***

Berwald couldn't sleep well that night, occupied by the throbbing pain in his shoulder and his racing thoughts. Said thoughts mainly spun around the Swede's small-statured, mysterious neighbour with a charming smile. Berwald was extremely confused as to why Tino was occupying his thoughts so thoroughly, and while he kept considering and theorizing and denying the evening turned to night and them further to morning. And during those early morning hours a knock resounded from Berwald's door. The man, drowsy and still confused, slowly got up and dragged himself over to the door. Berwald prayed the one on the door wouldn't be Hålberg, because the Swede really had no energy to deal with the babbling landowner right now.

But when Berwald opened the door and he saw who was behind it his eyes widened in shock. It was Tino, the very reason for his sleepless night. The smaller man looked as bad as Berwald felt, Tino's face was even paler than usual and there were dark shadows under his beautiful eyes, and Berwald could bet that under the hat the Finn had on his hair was a mess.

Tino flinched back the moment he laid his eyes on him, and Berwald couldn't blame him in this situation. Berwald's scowl was probably much worse now that he was tired and wasn't wearing his glasses. If Berwald looked in the mirror now even he would be scared. Well, if the Swede could even see himself in said mirror, that is. Berwald had to squint in order to see even Tino properly, despite the smaller man being right in front of him.

"U-Um, good morning, Mr. Oxenstierna. I-I'm sorry to bother you so early in the morning, but…do you know how to fix a broken window?"

Tino's voice was heavy from both fatigue and fear, and he was squeezing his hands together nervously. Berwald blinked a couple of times in confusion before answering, his voice even lower than usual due to sleep deprivation.

"A br'ken wind'w? Ye, but…why? Ya ok'y?"

"Me? Yes yes, I'm just fine! It's just, um, there was an accident and, unfortunately, I'm just hopeless with things like that. I mean, I can do some basic fixing, but I've never had to fix a broken window, and I don't even know where to start, and I thought 'Ber-', I mean, 'Mr. Oxenstierna surely knows how, it's his job to fix things, after all', and I decided, I mean, I thought- Oh, dear, I'm a mess…"

Berwald watched how the Finn slowly unfurled under the weight of his fatigue and anxiousness and he felt very bad for the smaller man. Tino had clearly had as little sleep as Berwald. So, when Tino covered his blushed face with his hands in shame Berwald slowly reached out and patted the man's shoulder, hopefully in a comforting manner. Tino did flinch when Berwald touched him, but when the Finn looked up there was no apparent fear on his face.

"I'll f'x it, don' w'rry."

Berwald reassured, and he could feel Tino's shoulder relaxing. The expression on Tino's face was beyond relieved. Berwald held back a smile, the smaller man was simply adorab-

Berwald stopped himself before he could finish that thought. Seriously, what was with him these days?! It wasn't proper in the least to think another man's smile was radiant, or to have the urge to protect and cherish him, or to think he was adorable. If these thoughts were about a woman it would've been a different story, but Tino was a man, no matter how feminine he looked. Berwald, despite not being particularly religious, had the urge to pray for God to forgive him for these thoughts.

"Let me dr'ss, an' I'll be r'ght back."

Berwald said quickly, before the pause in the conversation became awkward. He was still wearing his sleeping clothes, after all. Tino, also realizing that fact, blushed a bit and nodded rapidly. He quickly turned around and returned to the difficult reindeer, who was following their exchange with observant eyes. Berwald almost felt like it was judging them. She wasn't the only one, Berwald was judging himself as well.

It took Berwald longer than usual to change due to his injured shoulder, and when he finally exited his cabin Tino's cheeks were very red and he was clearly cold. Berwald felt bad, even more so when Tino yet again looked relieved as he walked over to him and the reindeer. The sleigh from yesterday was attached to her, and Berwald climbed aboard after Tino did so.

"Thank you so much for this, Mr. Oxenstierna, truly. The nights are viciously cold this time of the year, a broken window spells serious trouble."

Tino's voice was lighter now, probably because Berwald had promised to help him. Berwald found himself feeling both warm and conflicted. Warm because he was happy to be able to help the Finn and ease his worries. Conflicted because Berwald wanted Tino to call him by his first name, not by his surname. Earlier Tino had nearly called him Berwald, which had made the Swede's heart skip a beat. He wanted to hear his first name from Tino's lips, he wondered how it would sound like. It was just his name, but…it was Tino saying it. And for some reason this small Finn was becoming very special for the Swede.

Berwald sighed to himself, how could Tino's presence be so enjoyable yet so tiring at the same time?

"Um, I really am really sorry that I had to trouble you so early in the morning. I didn't really know who else to ask…"

Tino sounded apologetic and guilty, he had probably heard Berwald's sigh and misunderstood. Berwald began to shake his head but realized that Tino had his back turned to him, since the man was driving the sleigh.

"'S okay, I don' mind."

Berwald simply said, hoping to convey his sincerity through his tone. He didn't know whether he succeeded, since Berwald couldn't see Tino's face, but the Finn's shoulders seemingly relaxed, and he gave a lively nod.

"You are so kind, Mr. Oxenstierna."

Berwald was beginning to hate his own surname.

***

Seeing Berwald in Tino's own cabin, in his safe place, should've made the Finn feel much more uncomfortable. But surprisingly it didn't. Tino didn't feel threatened or as nervous as he should've been. Instead he felt…embarrassed, because his cabin was a bit messy, and still worried for Berwald's arm. The Swede had taken off the gauze from his head, and the still a bit red wound was partly covered by the man's short, blonde hair. As Berwald observed the damage to the window Tino in turn observed the larger man, it was the first time he did so properly. And now Tino hoped he had done so earlier. Berwald's shade of blonde was a bit darker than Tino's, and where as Tino's hair looked silky Berwald's looked almost spiky, and thick and rough. Tino found himself a bit disappointed he couldn't check if it was so, and the feeling made his flush a bit, so he moved on. Berwald's eyes were a strange shade of blue, one Tino had only seen a couple of times. If he remembered right it was called ocean blue, and the colour was captivating. Tino had never seen the sea, but if it was that colour he desperately wanted to witness it one day. Berwald's facial features were masculine and even a bit angular, so to say. He had a strong jawline and brow and a straight nose; it was a face Matthias would've wanted to sculpt. And Tino would've sketched it had he been able to.

When it came to body structure Tino and Berwald were like night and day. Whereas Tino was petite and skinny Berwald clearly was muscular and sturdy, but in a lean way. Tino didn't want to let himself think Berwald was attractive, he knew such thoughts were sinful, but blush spread on his face outside his own will. Tino was already doomed to eternal punishment, so certainly God wouldn't mind if he found the Swede a little bit attractive. But Tino wouldn't let himself feel anything more than superficial attraction, everything beyond that only spelled trouble for them both. Tino didn't want Berwald to have to endure such a fate.

Tino turned his face away in order to collect himself, enough was enough and Berwald deserved much more respect. While Tino was looking away with a flustered expression Berwald turned to look at him and cleared his throat. Tino jumped and looked at the Swede, still not entirely recovered but calm enough to listen to Berwald's verdict.

"Who did this?"

Tino blinked, Berwald's words didn't have a hint of his accent. Each word was pronounced slowly and carefully, and the expression on Berwald's face was even scarier than usual. He was…angry. How could Tino have thought that Berwald's expressions before made him look angry, when his actual angry expression was this evident, this chilling? But somehow Tino knew the anger wasn't directed towards him, and thus was able to keep himself from fleeing. Instead he answered, his voice shivering ever so slightly from fear.

"W-What do you mean 'who?'. I was just a bit clumsy, that's all. I-It was an accident. I, um, broke it when sweeping. The broomstick went right through it."

For a while Berwald didn't say anything, but Tino could guess he wasn't convinced. Tino wasn't surprised, he was a terrible liar. Berwald looked from Tino to the window, and then back to Tino, and the angry expression faded into a suspicious one(now Tino was sure he was becoming better at reading Berwald). How he knew that someone else had done it, Tino had no idea. But apparently Berwald decided to let it go, because he grunted in affirmation and beckoned Tino closer.

"Imma teach ya h'w to fix th's."

And so, he did. It was rather simple, actually. So simple Tino thought he was an idiot for not figuring it out on his own. Berwald cleared away the rest of the glass left on the window pane(the window was separated into four smaller sections, the section broken was the bottom right one). They then measured how big the windowpane was, cut a piece of board the same size and set it in the window. Glass was expensive, or so Berwald said, so Tino said he didn't mind leaving the window like this. As long as the cold draft was kept out. While they were at it Tino firmly ignored all the times when the smallest touch made his heart beat faster. By the time the window was fixed Tino was repeating the mantra 'Never again, never again, never again-' in his mind.

The sun was well on its way up when they finished, and although they both looked ready to pass out there was no time for that. Tino and Berwald hopped into the sleigh and quickly rode to the village, mentally preparing for another day of hard labour and possibly a scolding from the village elders.

***

"You sure he got the message, Norge?"

Lukas glared at Matthias; this was at least the 10th time the Danish had asked that question. Lukas marched up to him and smacked the man on the head with a frustrated huff. Matthias merely pouted and rubbed the spot that had been hit, used to Lukas' abuse. It's not like it had actually hurt anyway, Matthias was extremely tough.

"I have no way of knowing that, you idiot, I told you already! I merely made someone deliver it, didn't do it myself. Now pipe down about it, you're not the only one who is worried."

Lukas, straightforward but usually expressionless, now had a frown on his face. He was doing his utmost best to be the rational and calm one in the group, but found it increasingly difficult as time went on, because he had no Tino around to balance out his emotionless demeanor. They all missed and were worried about the Finn but couldn't approach the man while he was in hiding. Matthias, feeling guilty, stood up from his spot on the couch and stepped over to Lukas. He wrapped his muscular arms around the smaller man and murmured a gentle apology against Lukas' soft hair. Normally the Norwegian would fight against the hold at least a little bit, but the situation being as it was Lukas now needed all the support he could get. Both physical and mental. So he let Matthias embrace him, and even lifted one of his arms in order to wrap it around Matthias' torso.

"The deliverer is trustworthy, if anyone can get the message to Tino it's him."

Lukas said quietly, more to reassure himself than inform Matthias. Matthias nodded, but left it at that, having enough tact to know he should shut up about the issue. Lukas and Matthias had been together for a long time, and although Matthias still sometimes couldn't tell what his lover was thinking(Lukas was quite hard to read) he knew that during times of agitation physical contact calmed Lukas down. Even if the man himself wouldn't admit it.

They had been hiding for five long years now. They had fled from Finland to the West, and although Sweden was mostly safe, they didn't want to take any risks and lived under false identities. Russia had spies everywhere, even within enemy borders. And Matthias, Lukas and Tino and many of their friends were on the Russia's blacklist.

One said friend stepped in the room while Matthias was still embracing Lukas, and although Eduard was slowly getting used to his two roommates and their rare displays of physical affection the sight still made the Estonian blush.

"Geez, guys! We have our own rooms, let's use them, okei?!"

Lukas immediately elbowed Matthias in the ribs upon hearing the third man's voice, knowing it was the Danish's weak spots. Matthias grunted from pain and took a step back, sending Eduard a pained and a little bit pissed grin.

"Great timing you have, eh, Ed?"

Matthias laughed, there was way more than a hint of sarcasm in his voice, enough for Eduard to pick up and for him to get nervous. Matthias was usually friendly but a nightmare when angered. Eduard muttered an apology and hurried off into his room, ready to write all his frustrations down in his diary.

Matthias turned to Lukas, who had his arms wrapped protectively around himself. Matthias sighed a bit, he wanted to hug the man again, but right now Lukas would only push him away. But he did put his hand on Lukas' shoulder, squeezing it, and gave him a reassuring smile.

"Hey, Tino is tough. Tougher than all of us. He will be okay, and he will find us one day. Stol på meg."

Thus far the two had been talking in their respective mother languages, each being able to understand the other, but now Matthias said his last words in Norwegian. Lukas seemed to appreciate it, as he visibly relaxed, covered Matthias' hand with his own and gave it a squeeze back.

"Jeg vil forsøge."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stol på meg : Trust me
> 
> Jeg vil forsøge(this is Danish) : I'll try
> 
> If you know better feel free to fix my Danish and Norwegian, since I merely used Google translate


	8. Climb Uphill With Sorrowful Souls

"Mr. Oxenstierna? Good morning, are you awake?"

For the second time Tino knocked on the door firmly, waiting for it to open with his hands on his hips. The sun was barely peeking over the horizon, but they had a schedule to keep, and Tino was busier than ever. So, he really didn't have time to wake up Berwald every single morning.

And yet that was exactly what he had done nearly every morning for the past month.

Tino, due to living so close to Berwald, had been assigned as the man's unofficial assistant, nurse and driver the day after Berwald had injured himself. The idea had entered the villagers' minds after Tino and Berwald had arrived to the village together in the morning following the roof incident (as it was called). They had seen Tino fuss over Berwald and even scolding the Swede when he had tried to start working like normal. "Of course you can't work with that shoulder, you knucklehead! Please put that box down right this instant or so help me-!"

Tino had tried refusing the assignment at first, obviously, since he didn't think he should be given such a big responsibility. But everyone had been very insistent. Even Berwald had tried to politely decline, but Tino had noticed that for some reason the Swede hadn't been all that enthusiastic in his objections (the traitor).

In the end what convinced Tino was when Kukkamuna's owner gave her to Tino indefinitely for the purpose of fulfilling his role as Berwald's driver. Tino was overjoyed that he now could keep his friend with him all the time. After all, they couldn't make Berwald walk everywhere. He was now the village's savior, especially after the coldest night of the year came and passed just a week after Berwald hurt himself and no one was found dead. Frostbitten toes and fingers turned up, naturally, but the most important thing was that no bodies had to be buried in the frozen ground. The whole village was in debt to Berwald, and they didn't let the man forget it.

It turned out that assigning someone to take care of Berwald had proved to be a good choice, because the Swede was a very physical individual with a surprisingly stubborn attitude. When they were working Tino had to constantly prevent Berwald from lifting something heavy or trying to do work that put pressure on his shoulder. The villagers knew not to mess with work injuries, if you didn't let them rest properly, they would only worsen. Berwald knew that too, but he also hated not being able to use his strength when needed, and he wanted to help. It was a full-time job for Tino to keep an eye on the Swede, and his scolding skills got a whole lot better very quickly. It also helped that Tino's scolding was unusually effective against Berwald, although the villagers were the only ones who noticed it. Tino just thought he never knew just how intimidating he could truly be.

Being in this role had another very positive side effect on Tino. He found himself less and less scared of Berwald as the days went on. Before he had been mostly just watching the man from afar or middle distance, but now he had to stand by his side, and take him around the village with Kukkamuna, and he got to see all the different expressions Berwald made. Tino had seen Berwald's true angry face and now he could see how seldomly the man was actually angry, or even irritated. Berwald had a lot of patience, sometimes more than the villagers deserved. Tino knew the villagers could be narrow-minded and difficult, he had experienced it himself. But Berwald accepted it all with trained patience, he truly wanted to help and thus wouldn't let his feelings get in the way of that. Tino respected him immensely for it, and he was happy that he was able to assist Berwald in any way he could.

So, here Tino was, knocking on Berwald's door in order to take them both over to the village for another day of work. Tino could hear footsteps from inside, but Berwald was rather slow in the mornings, so he knew that it might take a while until the Swede would reach the door.

In Berwald's opinion having the Finn as his personal aid was one of the best things to ever happen to him. Berwald, really not a morning person, had grown to love the daily knock on his door. It always made a small smile bloom on his face. A smile that he would then stifle as he opened the door for the small Finn behind it. Berwald did so now, and despite the impatient tone Tino had had before he greeted Berwald with a smile. At the beginning of this arrangement that smile had still been small and rather timid. But now it had grown to be much wider and brighter and so had the Finn himself. Berwald thought bringing an almost genuine smile out of Tino was one of the greatest achievements of his life. It filled him with content, affectionate warmth, and to see Tino's smile every morning was a blessing. The warmth was slightly dampened by the guilt he felt about these feelings of his, but Berwald was gradually approaching a point where he didn't care. If he was dooming his soul to damnation with what he felt for Tino then Berwald was ready to suffer, if it was for the small Finn that smiled at him. The small Finn who scolded and worried for him. The small Finn that always ready to help him, whether it was in the form of a stern talking-to or a ride to work.

"Mornin' T'no. Sleep w'll? Ya look w'll rested."

Tino rolled his eyes, trying to stay stern, but chuckled nonetheless, amused by Berwald's attempt at redirecting his attention from the fact that they were late. Again.

"Yes, yes, we can exchange pleasantries during the ride, Mr. Oxenstierna. Now we need to hurry, you are seeing Mr. Hålberg soon, right?"

Tino all but herded Berwald out the door and towards the sleigh, and the Finn had to ignore every single butterfly in his stomach every time he came even close to directly touching the Swede.

"I told ya, ya c'n call me B'rwald."

Tino felt his face heat up a bit, that was something Berwald had been nearly obsessed about for a few weeks now. He wanted Tino to call him by his first name, and Tino really felt like he wanted to, but…

"And I've told you, I couldn't possibly. You are essentially my boss, Mr. Oxenstierna, and I have to address you accordingly."

And Tino suspected that his face would explode with heat if he suddenly began calling Berwald by his first name.

"Mh, but st'll…"

The look in Berwald's ocean eyes was nearly heartbreaking, and Tino needed all his willpower to keep resisting the Swede.

"No buts, please. Now off we go."

With Berwald safely in the sleigh Tino jumped to the front and ushered Kukkamuna to go. Seriously, one of these days Tino was going to lose his ability to say no to this man…

March had rolled in and the weather slowly but surely started to become warmer. Tino could already feel, that the worst was long over as the sleigh made its way along the winter road.

Everyone in the village was working their asses off, but Tino was working almost time double compared to them. This was the reason he always woke up so early, before he went to fetch Berwald he cut down his tree quota in the forest, and after they were done with the renovation work in the village Tino did any odd job in the village that could earn him extra money. Tino needed every little coin he could get now, that he had a time limit in addition to lesser income. Tino had until summer to earn enough money to be able to launch the plan he had come up with. It wasn't a foolproof plan, far from it, it was borderline desperate. It was also the only way.

Tino was planning on fleeing the country. You see, in order to cross the border to Sweden, one needed all sorts of documents, that Tino had no way of getting. Especially during such a sensitive time, when Russia and Sweden-Norway were in such a delicate balance. So, the only other way was to pay his way in, and that was expensive. Smugglers knew the risks of illegal border crossing and thus demanded a price that mirrored those risks.

Tino tried not to think how desperate his situation was. Fleeing to one of the most isolated spots in Finland had only earned him 5 years, so if Tino wanted to have any semblance of a normal life he needed to get out of Russia, no matter how crazy or impossible the mere idea was. Tino loved Finland, loved every single forest and lake and hill, even if it currently wasn't acknowledged at its own country. But Tino didn't want his beloved land to become his prison. Tino wanted it to be his grave, one day, but never a prison.

If Berwald or any of the villagers saw the desperate way in which Tino worked, they said nothing. But Tino could occasionally feel Berwald's eyes on him, and now he could tell that the Swede was worried. It warmed Tino's heart in a way that the Finn couldn't allow, that he tried to deny. Tino couldn't afford getting attached to anyone, not now. And that was why Tino stubbornly kept his distance from Berwald. Perhaps Berwald could sense that, because sometimes when Tino called him 'Mr. Oxenstierna' the Finn could see sorrow deep in his ocean eyes. Those ocean eyes, which kept pulling Tino in, even when he tried to fight it.

Tino interrupted the flow of his thoughts to glance back at Berwald, who himself was spacing out behind him on the sleigh. The sight of the gentle giant with a relaxed, sleepy expression made a sad smile rise to Tino's face. It was bittersweet to think, that Tino wouldn't see Berwald ever again in just few more months. For now, it was still just bittersweet. Tino couldn't let it escalate to a point where it would be painful and hinder his resolve. Tino had given himself completely to another person once before, and his current situation was the result.

Tino turned his eyes forward and kept them there, expression now hard. Yes, Tino was never going to love again, no matter how much he wanted to open his heart to the gentle giant with the ocean eyes.

***

A lamp shattered against the wall, as a frustrated man let his rage out at any object in his office that wasn't bolted down. Shards flew in every possible direction, but the man avoided from getting them in his face, for he had already turned around to kick his writing desk. Thankfully the furniture was sturdy, and the writing desk didn't have any dents despite the countless times the man had kicked, pushed and hit it with his favourite weapon (which was a long metal pipe with a faucet at the end of it). Thankfully his rage was quickly sated, as the small but strong rational part of his mind took over. It reminded him that the rejection contained in the letter he had just received was just a minor setback. He could make them see the importance of this mission, he just needed to be just a bit more persuasive, use just a bit more of his influence. It was clear he couldn't move before the winter was over, but Tino didn't know he was coming. His Tino was still oblivious, still waiting for him. Small, chilling smile graced the man's tense features, just imagining his Tino with him yet again made this all worth it. This time he could make Tino see, that being with the man was the only rational option for the Finn. And then Tino would truly be his. Tino would forget his silly paintings and friends and be his.

Only his.

With newly found determination the man pushed his writing desk back in position and began writing a new letter, one containing an offer his superiors could not turn down.

***

Despite his increased workload Tino still found time to paint. Only what the activity meant for him had slowly morphed into something else. Before Tino had done it to maintain his sanity, to remind himself to stay alive, and because he purely loved it. Tino still loved painting, but now he didn't need painting to remind himself to stay alive. Tino could keep himself sane and grounded even if he didn't paint for few days, or even a week. Painting had become almost pure enjoyment with no dark undertones. Something to cheer Tino up if his day had been bleak, because not every day was bleak anymore. Tino felt like he was 13 again, finding painting for the first time, and experiencing the joy of self-expression anew.

Besides Tino's mental state being increasingly better he also found, that he wanted to paint new things besides nature and night. They were both still Tino's most reliable muses and a bottomless source of inspiration. But lately Tino had begun wanting more. The longer he knew Berwald the more he wanted out of his art, out of life. It was invigorating but at the same time terrifying. Because Tino wanted to paint Berwald, or more precisely his ocean eyes. Tino didn't paint people, he still couldn't bring himself to, but somehow, he felt that if he wanted to start overcoming his fear Berwald would be a wonderful subject to start with.

So, tonight (or more like early morning) Tino had dipped his brush into the blue paint in the shade of Berwald's eyes. Or as close to it as Tino had gotten with his current tools. He stood before his easel, an empty canvas before him, and the bristles of his brush were mere millimeters away from its surface. But Tino couldn't bring himself to move. Cold sweat was beginning to slide down his temple, and Tino swallowed. All he had to do was move his hand forward, press the brush against the canvas, and draw a small circle. That's all.

Tino closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Maybe it would be easier if he didn't watch. Tino kept his eyes closed, and with great effort forced his hand to move. He could feel the brush press against the canvas, that in itself didn't trigger anything. So far so good. Next Tino did a small circle with his wrist, yet again nothing exploded and Tino could still breathe. And so Tino continued, eyes still closed. He drew another small circle somewhere next to the other circle. Tino felt like he was moving through tar, his movements felt sluggish, but he had done it. Tino opened his eyes to look, there indeed were two blue circles on the canvas. The beginning of the ocean eyes.

The two small circles made Tino smile widely, he had progressed again. Maybe this painting could be his new fire piece, another reminder of personal growth. With vigor Tino dipped another brush in a new colour and began adding detail to the eyes. He could now see Berwald's eyes vividly in his mind, and even when Tino just imagined them they made him blush.

It didn't take long until there was a pair of eyes on Tino's canvas, detailed and lifelike. For a moment Tino looked at them with pride, so sure of himself, so sure he had overcome his fear.

And that was when the memory hit him with such a strength Tino blacked out, and he wasn't in the present anymore.  
**  
"You have really captured my likeness, Tino."

His voice was soft and sweet, overly so, but back then Tino could only hear it as the sweetest melody, the smoothest silk. Strong arms wrapped around him from behind and Tino smiled happily. He had a brush in his hand, and an unfinished painting stood on the easel, a familiar pair of eyes with a similar colour to Tino's own looking back at the two from the canvas. Ivan's lips pressed against Tino's hair, his ear, his upper neck. Tino sighed quietly and turned around in the larger man's arms, looking up at him with adoration in his eyes. The brush was now put aside and forgotten, Tino much rather wrapped his arms around the large Russian's neck.

"Your true likeness is something I could never capture, it's too beautiful."

Ivan's chuckle was breathy and light, and now his lips pressed against every inch of Tino's face they could reach. And they finished their journey on the Finn's lips and remained there. Ivan's arms tightened around Tino, they were so tight it was slightly painful, but Tino didn't mind. Ivan wouldn't hurt him. Ivan loved him.

Tino closed his eyes, slowly entering bliss, and thus didn't see Ivan looking at the painting behind him with a dark look in his eyes.  
**  
The brush fell to the floor with a clatter, as Tino came back to the present. The memory had all but swallowed him whole, and Tino had had no choice but to let it take him. Before him the canvas was ruined, Tino had stabbed it beyond recognition with his brush, not in control of his actions. That hadn't happened in…several weeks now. There had been no reason to, Tino's life had become bearable, even enjoyable, since Berwald had become an active part of his life. But the memory of Ivan had been too strong, too vivid, and remembering the Russian man always made Tino lose control.

Tino followed the example of his paintbrush and fell to the floor, sobbing violently. Familiar darkness crept its way in Tino's vision, as he stared at the floor with unseeing eyes. Would he ever be free from the ghost of those strong arms around him, or those piercing eyes upon his skin? The things Ivan had done to him had been scarring on so many different levels that Tino felt like he was marked for life, never to escape the Russian's control. Tino could feel Ivan invading his mind, he could hear his childlike laughter and could feel the pain on his head, his side, his chest, his everywhere.

Tino knew he needed to get out of here, when panic began taking over. He needed to feel the cold winter air biting at his skin, to remind him that he was here, and not in the past. Not in Ivan's embrace, Tino was in control, not Ivan.

And so Tino rushed out, barely remembering to grab his winter jacket but forgetting his mittens, hat and wool socks, all necessary in the freezing weather outside. But that was the last thing in Tino's mind, as he rushed towards his familiar safe place. Kukkamuna, in her usual spot at the side of the house, looked after her human friend, her dark eyes large with surprise and worry.

Tino hoped the lantern was still burning.

***

The sun was just about to rise when a thump resounded from Berwald's front door. The Swede groaned sleepily, but he smiled when he remembered who would be waiting for him behind the door. Berwald slowly got out of bed and on his feet, but soon noticed that he couldn't hear any more sounds from the door. No knocking, no hollering or impatient muttering. Berwald frowned, finding it weird. Usually Tino was much more vocal with his morning waking. But just when Berwald thought that another thump could be heard, and…scratching? Now Berwald was confused, why would Tino scratch his front door? Unless it was an animal? Well, only one way to find out. Berwald pulled on proper pants and a shirt and walked to the door, opening it slightly in order to peek outside. Berwald was surprised to see not Tino outside his door, but his difficult reindeer Kukkamuna(Tino had told Berwald he secretly called her that, and Berwald found the Finn's naming sense strange but endearing).

The reindeer let out an irritated and impatient huff and pawed the ground with one of her front hooves. Berwald got an uneasy feeling from her behavior, Kukkamuna's sleigh or Tino was nowhere to be found. Kukkamuna had always seemed intelligent, so it was more than possible that she was here for a reason.

"I'll be r'ght back."

Berwald muttered to the reindeer and disappeared inside to fetch his winter clothes. He put them on in a record time and jogged towards Tino's cabin, Kukkamuna right behind him. Berwald was out of breath by the time he arrived and went to open the front door. But Kukkamuna nudged him towards the side of the house, and that was when Berwald saw the tracks in the snow. They were running tracks and went out into the woods, and there were no tracks coming back to the cabin. So Tino was still out there? Why? Had someone broken in and made Tino flee?

Berwald's immense concern quickened his steps, as he half-jogged half-stumbled through the snow, following Tino's tracks. Kukkamuna ran ahead and soon disappeared from Berwald's sight, probably wanting to find Tino quicker. Berwald was just slowing her down.

Berwald didn't know for how long he followed the tracks, but eventually he saw a familiar sight before him. It was the clearing with the decorated dead pine. And as Berwald got closer he saw Kukkamuna under that pine, laying close to a bundle on the ground. Berwald's eyes widened when he recognized Tino's jacket, and he ran at full speed the rest of the way. Berwald got to the bundle, and he thought his heart would stop. It really was Tino, laying in a fetus position, his golden hair and eyelashes covered in frost. Tino's lips had a blue hue, and Berwald could bet that so did his fingers and toes.

Berwald had never felt such shock and horror, when he thought that Tino might be dead. Berwald fell to his knees next to Tino and carefully, afraid that the smaller man might break, touched his now bare hand to his cheek. It was ice cold, and Berwald blood froze in his veins. He leaned close and listened to Tino's breathing. And a wave of immense relief washed over Berwald when he heard a weak breath escaping Tino's lips. But Berwald didn't let himself be too relieved, the danger was far from over. He quickly took off his hat and put it on Tino. Gently, so very gently, Berwald took Tino into his arms and tucked the man inside his winter jacket, so they could share body heat. Berwald could see that Tino hadn't even worn his mittens, what a foolish thing to do. Berwald frowned, he wanted to wonder why on Earth Tino had gone out in such a cold weather wearing just his jacket, but he could do that later. Now the main priority was to get Tino inside and warm.

Kukkamuna followed alongside Berwald this time as they ran through the forest, clearly worried about her human friend. And all the way to Tino's cabin Berwald cradled the Finn like he was the most precious thing in the world.

Which wasn't too far away from the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw, about the Sweden-Norway term I used in the chapter, that was a real thing. During this time period Sweden and Norway were in an alliance that basically made them one country with their own separate governments. It's strange, I know. In Hetalia terms I think it would be close to marriage. Sweden entered the alliance right after losing Finland, because it wanted to compensate for the loss of a territory, and it was afraid of Russia.


	9. I Sing About Love

All Tino could feel at first was the cold. It wasn't just in his bones, it was in his very soul, and his body wanted to shiver violently. But the frost's grip was too great, and Tino's muscles refused to comply. So, all Tino could do was lay still, trapped within his body, and helplessly feel how the cold's grip got tighter and tighter as an eternity went by. Or at least it felt like an eternity, Tino had no perception of time in this state.

Then…there was warmth.

It was very faint at first, and it helped Tino get an idea of his own body. He could tell the warmth emanated from his backside, and Tino wanted to curl closer. But the cold was relentless, and the faint warmth wasn't nearly enough to drive it away. In his mind Tino prayed to God that the warmth would increase, but when it didn't Tino became desperate and even turned to the old pagan gods his ancestors had worshipped. Tino prayed to Ukko, Tapio, Ahti and all the other gods his mother had told Tino about, prayed them to give him warmth. Tino knew that if the cold's grip got any tighter, he would perish. And Tino didn't want to perish. Not when his life had just started to get better, when Tino finally had hope, when there was Ber-

Before Tino could finish his quiet, desperate musings a strong, almost violent warmth erupted upon his skin. Tino could tell it was on his cheek, and it burned. It felt like fire, and although it hurt Tino still wanted the warmth, he wanted it more than anything. But Tino couldn't scream, not from pain or joy, his body was still not answering and Tino could tell his thoughts were becoming weak and faint as well. That wasn't good, he shouldn't fall asleep when he was so cold.

For a moment the burning disappeared, and Tino wanted to yell for it to come back. He didn't want to be left alone; he didn't want to die! But Tino's fear quickly vanished, when that same intense warmth appeared again, this time under his legs and back, and then soon after his other side. Tino was enveloped in heat and it burned so delightfully. It was like fire. Fire had come to his rescue, it had erupted from Tino's painting and was saving him. Tino's body still wouldn't respond to his command to curl closer, but as he gave the useless command whatever was holding him tightened their grip, pulling Tino closer. Now at ease, Tino finally let his consciousness go. He knew he was safe now, he would live.

He would see Berwald again.

***

Tino showed no signs of waking up or movement, as Berwald lay him down in bed at the Finn's cabin. Berwald had just arrived few minutes ago, there was a large fire roaring in the fireplace and Berwald had put some snow in a pail and was boiling it on the worn-down iron stove at the corner of the cabin. Berwald had made a vague notion about a stand of some kind by the window, but right now he was solely focused on the hypothermic Finn.

Berwald wiped away some damp hair from Tino's forehead, the Finn's lips were still very pale, almost blue, and his skin was cold to the touch. Berwald swallowed, he knew what he should do, but he was also sure that if he did it once Tino woke up the man would be mortified.

But if Berwald didn't do everything in his power Tino wouldn't wake up at all.

Reminding himself of that fact Berwald set to work. He removed Tino's wet and damp clothes, avoiding looking below the man's waist once the pants and undergarments were removed. Berwald could feel a blush on his cheeks, but he couldn't let embarrassment deter his efforts. Berwald took Tino's blanket and wrapped the man in it tightly. Next Berwald looked for and found extra blankets from under the bed, and further wrapped few of those around Tino as well. And now he had to do something that could guarantee that Tino probably never looked Berwald directly in the eye anymore. But it had to be done.

Berwald undressed himself, not completely naked since he left his undergarments on, and lay down next to Tino. He didn't let his bare skin touch the Finn's skin directly, that could have some dire consequences when the hypothermia was this severe. Instead Berwald hugged bundled up Tino close, wrapping them both inside another blanket, and let his body warmth seep into the blankets. This was all Berwald could do for Tino, the man wasn't conscious so he couldn't give him any fluids or sustenance, after all. So, Berwald held Tino close and shared his heat with the smaller man, praying over and over again in his mind, that God would spare this kind soul.

Berwald couldn't do anything else but wait for Tino to recover and wake up, so he let his eyes wander around the cabin. Immediately Berwald's eyes were captured by the strange stand that he had seen by the window. Berwald recognized it to be an easel, one that artists used while painting. Art wasn't new to Berwald, he himself could on some level be called an artist, since he made wood carvings during his free time. He had seen few people use easels like the one in the cabin. But this easel was very worn down, it had many paint stains and scratches and one of the legs had been (poorly) fixed once. Berwald felt the instinctive urge to fix the leg properly.

But then he saw the painting on the easel, Berwald hadn't paid attention to it up until now but when he saw it, he was surprised he hadn't noticed it. The easel was positioned so the canvas was halfway tilted towards the bed on which Tino and Berwald lay, and what Berwald saw was shocking and worrying. The canvas was more or less mutilated, ripped almost beyond recognition. Almost, because despite the damage done to the canvas the image on it was unharmed. It was like the one who destroyed the canvas had purposefully avoided the two ocean blue eyes, that stared back at the onlooker. Berwald was surprised at how intense the eyes looked, and he realized those very eyes looked back at him from reflective surfaces whenever Berwald encountered them.

Tino had painted Berwald's eyes.

At first the Swede didn't know what to think about that, but before he knew it Berwald had hugged the small Finn closer to himself, a warmth spreading within his chest and face. Berwald didn't know the thought process of an artist, but he knew that Tino had seen something within him, or at least within his eyes, to have the urge to paint them. No artist created something without a trigger to start the process, and Berwald was beyond flattered and happy that Tino found him or a part of him worthy to be that trigger.

At some point Berwald began to nod off, as Tino's body slowly but surely warmed up and Berwald wasn't the only one giving off heat. The body heat of another was a strange thing, and since it was Tino's, Berwald could feel at ease. He felt peaceful and right when Tino was within his arms.

With such thoughts swirling in his head Berwald succumbed to emotional and physical exhaustion and fell asleep, his face pressed against Tino's silky hair.

***

Tino didn't know how long he was unconscious, but what he did know was that he had never been warmer than when he woke up. Tino stirred a bit, but in all honesty, he didn't want to move. He was perfectly comfortable right where he was, and Tino wanted to lay in this cradle of warmth for forever. His body was surrounded by comforting pressure, and Tino nuzzled his head against whatever was pressing against his hair with a small happy sigh.

"T'no?"

Tino frowned a tiny bit when a deep voice sounded from somewhere close-by. Actually it was so close that Tino could feel the vibrations in his body, they felt so nice and comforting and as a reflex Tino tried to press closer to the source of the voice, why didn't it speak more?

"Mmh, speak more, please…"

Tino said sleepily, his voice heavy from fatigue and dry throat. But Tino didn't notice those things, he was very tired and dehydrated and malnourished, and he just wanted to stay here against this wonderful warmth and sound. But said source had also began to stir, and Tino let out a small displeased sound when the pressure around his body lessened.

"Th'nk the Lord ya w'ke up."

The warmth suddenly intensified on Tino's cheek, and the sensation made him remember something. It had been very cold before, he had been dying, but he had been saved by his fire, his…

Tino's eyes shot open as quickly as they could in his current weakened state, and before him he saw Berwald. The Swede quickly withdrew a hand he had put on Tino's cheek, and a part of Tino was disappointed Berwald had taken it off. That part was promptly buried under extreme confusion, as Tino's brain tried to catch up.

"W-Where-? What-?"

Now Tino could feel how dry his throat was and how pained his voice was. He coughed weakly as his breath was caught in his throat.

"Foun' ya in the woods. K'kkam'na brought me th're."

In the woods? Why had Tino been in the-?

Then it all came crashing back, the turbulent night, Tino's desperate attempt to ground himself, his trip to the Christmas pine. The lantern hadn't been on, it had burned out a long time ago, and somehow that had brought Tino a whole new feeling of despair and he had just…stayed there. In the snow.

And had almost died.

Tino groaned quietly, he had been so foolish, and his expression was probably mortified because Berwald gently swiped away some hair from Tino's face. Did Tino imagine it, or did Berwald's hand linger upon his skin longer than usual?

Tino looked up at Berwald, and now he actually properly looked. And immediately saw that Berwald, under the covers, had no shirt on. Tino got red all the way from his shoulders to his forehead and tried to shift farther away from the Swede, but noticed that he couldn't. Tino looked down at himself, he had been snuggly wrapped in several blankets. And he could feel that under those blankets he…he was…

He was completely naked. Tino and Berwald were laying in the bed together naked. He knew why, Tino was familiar with hypothermia treatment, but right now that knowledge was nowhere to be found.

Tino's brain basically overheated and he was reduced to a sputtering, embarrassed mess. Tino couldn't look Berwald in the face, but if he had he would've seen how the Swede blushed just as badly but there was also intense affection in his eyes, as he looked upon the Finn.

"'M sorry, 't was th' only way t' get ya warm."

Berwald muttered, his voice deeper from embarrassment. He quickly scooted away and got up from under the covers. Tino was relieved to see that Berwald was wearing his undergarments at least, but not before his eyes unwillingly lingered on Berwald's toned chest. And that definitely didn't help with Tino's embarrassment and he wanted to die.

But before Tino committed honourable suicide…

"Th-Thank you…you s-saved my life…"

Tino said quietly, burying his face in the covers wrapped around him. Tino, under all the embarrassment, was infinitely grateful and happy and…he felt affection that was close to Berwald's in intensity. But Tino would discover all that later, now he was much too preoccupied with not dying from shame.

"Anyt'me.."

Berwald said, his tone gentle, and he got up from the bed. He quickly put on his clothes, he had checked Tino's temperature and it was still low, but getting up at a good pace. Which meant Tino could now intake some warm fluids and easy to eat foods. Berwald told the Finn that, and Tino nodded weakly, still not able to look Berwald in the eye.

"Th-There, um, is honey i-in the cabinet next to the stove."

Tino explained, and Berwald knew what to do with the info without Tino having to explain and he began making some honey water. Warm fluid high in sugar content was perfect recovery drink. Tino didn't try to come out from under the covers. Now that he knew what had happened he knew what he needed in order to recover, and staying warm was the most important thing. Tino desperately tried to stay rational, and that was why he avoided looking at Berwald. If Tino looked at Berwald now that his embarrassment was starting to fade Tino just knew he was going to be overcome with emotions and that would make him act the opposite of rational.

But Tino was only human and occasionally glanced at Berwald, taking in the Swede's form (and missing seeing it without clothes), and he reveled in the bittersweet mix of emotions within himself. Affection was followed by guilt about feeling such affection.

It didn't take long to make some warm honey water. The water on the stove had boiled and cooled a bit while the two of them had been sleeping, it was just the right temperature. Berwald came back over to the bed and helped Tino to sit up against the headboard. Both men blushed upon contact, remembering the intimacy from just moments ago, but Tino's blush was much more obvious. Berwald looked at the Finn with a small smile, Tino was simply enchanting, even in this weak state.

Berwald carefully brought the cup of honey water to Tino's lips, he didn't let the man hold the cup himself because he was still weak and that would mean taking his arms out from under the covers. And that was out of the question.

The atmosphere was serene and warm, as Tino slowly sipped the honey water and enjoyed the silence. At first it had been awkward, but it gradually turned comfortable. Tino watched Berwald, and Berwald watched Tino, both with a small blush on their face, but neither looked away. Tino found himself thinking he wanted to look into those ocean eyes forever, he wanted to lean his forehead against Berwald's and look deep into his eyes and see the man behind them. Tino wanted to know the man behind those ocean eyes, wanted to…be his…

Tino coughed a bit, shame yet again threatening to kill him, and shook his head, signing he couldn't drink any more. Berwald nodded, and after unconsciously swiping some hair away from Tino's face again he left to make something easy and simple to eat on the stove. He found porridge from the same cabinet as the honey and got to work.

Tino attempted to gather some of his composure, his feelings were going haywire. His mind was also in a weakened state and that wasn't good, all the stops and walls he had put up were coming down. Tino had worked hard to keep Berwald away because he knew that once the Swede got close enough…Tino would fall hard.

He hoped it wasn't too late to take distance again. But Tino wasn't stupid. He could tell that he was way past the point of no return.

Tino sighed quietly, and turned his head to look at his cabin. And immediately froze when he saw the easel he had left out, the mutilated canvas still on it. Tino's breath grew heavier, Berwald had seen it. There was no way he hadn't seen it. Why hadn't he said anything? Or was Berwald plotting something? Why did he-?

"'S beaut'ful."

Tino's head turned back to the Swede so quickly his neck popped. Berwald had seen Tino looking at the painting, and was gently smiling at the Finn.

"Ya have a g'ft."

Tino blinked, he couldn't believe his ears. Berwald didn't think that it was strange for a simple peasant to paint? Was it normal in Sweden for members of the lowest castes to paint? That was downright suspicious here, only merchants and the occasional farm-owning rich peasant at the lowest could paint. Not a casteless drifter such as Tino. But most importantly, something Berwald had said bothered Tino, and he frowned a bit.

"B-Beautiful? B-but it's ruin-"

As Tino said this he turned to look at the painting, and noticed what Berwald had already seen. That the ocean eyes on the canvas were still intact, despite the destruction around them. Tino was surprised for the second time, he could've sworn…

"'Re…those my ey's…?"

Berwald's voice sounded hesitant, like he was afraid of the answer, and Tino glanced at him. Berwald kept his ocean eyes strictly on the kettle he was making the porridge in, and even though he tried to keep his face blank his ears were red. Tino smiled, how could such a big and scary-looking man be so cute? That seemed against some unspoken rules.

"Yes."

Tino didn't say anything else about it, and Berwald didn't ask. The Swede just nodded, and tension in his shoulders was released. Tino hadn't even realized the man had been tense. Tino looked at the canvas again, and suddenly felt a whole new kind of relief. Tino had thought this incident had regressed his progress, that he was still mentally as torn as before. But even in his shaken and blacked out state Tino had avoided stabbing the ocean eyes, had wanted to preserve this proof of hope. And that made Tino happier than anything.

Well, almost anything. After all, Tino had been saved and was being taken care of by Berwald.

Berwald also didn't ask about why the canvas was torn. Tino had a feeling Berwald was holding back from asking a lot of questions, about the Christmas pine and Tino's past and now the painting as well. And Tino was eternally grateful for it. Tino couldn't answer any of those questions. Well, aside from perhaps his Christmas pine. Because Tino had a feeling it wasn't just his pine anymore. That clearing was a special place for him and Berwald, so perhaps Tino should tell the Swede about it.

Tino had a feeling that nothing would be the same after today.

***

After taking care of Tino for one full day the Finn was able to convince Berwald to go and tell the villagers where their saviour had disappeared. Berwald was hesitant, he didn't want to leave Tino's side even for a moment. But no matter how sad the Swede looked or how much he made Tino's heart swell with his concern there was no convincing the Finn otherwise. Berwald's wasn't just for Tino, Berwald was for everyone, and everyone needed his help and relied on him. Saying that made Berwald go, because no matter how much he cared about Tino he still did have a job to do. And Tino was in a state where he could take care of himself for a little while. Berwald and Tino had inspected the damage, and although Tino had survived mostly unscathed one of his toes looked to be beyond saving. Tino was sad about it but not surprised, after being so stupid he was beyond lucky to have survived at all.

Maybe God was looking out for Tino, after all. Or perhaps it was the ancient gods, since Tino wasn't exactly the big guy's favourite at the moment.

Berwald took Kukkamuna (who surprisingly let Berwald handle her) and the sleigh and drove down to the village. He explained the situation, though he twisted the story a little. He said Tino had hit his head while handling lumber and had passed out in the snow, and had then been found by Berwald. The villagers were instantly worried, not as much as Berwald had been but Tino was most of their friend. So Tino had a lot of visitors during the following few weeks that he spent recovering. His dead toe was removed and Tino had to go through the painstaking process of treating his peeling skin. Berwald helped and spent as much time with Tino as possible, despite being a busy man he always made sure to spend every morning and later afternoon/evening with Tino. In truth Berwald wanted to stay by Tino's side all through the night, but that would've been too much. Even though if Berwald had asked Tino wouldn't have been against it all that much…

Tino was right in his prediction, that things weren't the same anymore. Berwald and Tino didn't shy away from each other as much anymore, rather whenever they made eye contact, they both prolonged it as much as possible. Even the smallest physical contact lingered and both of them "accidentally" brushed against each other occasionally. It was subtle enough for only the two of them to notice. And both their feelings grew rapidly, so rapidly it frightened Tino. Berwald wasn't frightened anymore, Tino's near-death experience had put his feelings into perspective and only strengthened them.

But the moment they both realized just how serious it was for them was when Tino, a week after he had been saved, called the Swede "Berwald" for the first time.

***

"NO!"

Matthias jumped and looked over at Lukas, his eyes wide and alarmed. Lukas had suddenly stood up from his chair, holding a crumbled-up letter in his hands. The Norwegian was clutching the paper so hard his knuckles were white.

"Norge? What is it?"

Matthias stood up and approached, he knew that letter was about Tino's situation. Lukas had his…"friends" keeping an eye on the Russian bastard that had driven the Finn and the rest of them into hiding. Lukas received regular reports from them about his movements. And if one of the reports made Lukas react like this it couldn't be good.

"Dritt! Faen! Ubrukelige drittsekkene!"

Matthias blinked, Lukas rarely cursed, and if he said three whole swear words adjacent to each other then it was serious. Really serious.

"Lukas! Talk to me! What is it?!"

Lukas suddenly spun around and pushed the letter against Matthias' face, his expression tight and full of held-back anger that he didn't want to misdirect towards his lover.

"This! They miscalculated the date!"

Matthias frowned and read the letter, and as he read his expression grew similar to Lukas'. Though 100 times more expressive. Matthias abused the paper with his grip as well, and clenched his jaw.

Ivan wasn't moving until summer. He was going to come for Tino in a month. And by the time they could get the word out to Tino the Finn would only have barely few weeks to run.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dritt! Faen! Ubrukelige drittsekkene! = Shit! Fuck! Useless assholes!


	10. Luck is Rarely on Our Side

Ivan knew his persuasion would do the trick. His superiors were fools and very easy to manipulate. Ivan was almost disappointed at how quickly they allowed this mission of his, and they even gave him permission to dispatch before the winter would be properly over.

Ivan's smile would've made the bravest of men shiver, as he stepped out of his office, his pipe with a faucet end neatly tucked under his belt, covered by a long beige coat. Ivan's personal assistant, a timid man from the Russian territory of Lithuania, swiftly stepped out of the way when the Russian walked by, an expression of horror on his face. Ivan didn't spare the brunette even one glance, he was much too focused on his current thoughts. His thoughts of Tino.

Ivan wondered what kind of face Tino would make when the Russian would show up behind his door…

***

"T-Tino?"

Tino turned around from brushing Kukkamuna and saw Raini standing there. Raini usually never looked nervous around Tino, they were close enough to be called friends, but now Raini looked as anxious as when he was around Mr. Hålberg or Berwald. Concern overtook Tino's current light mood, and he put down the brush he had been using on Kukkamuna. The reindeer let out a confused and annoyed huff, she liked getting brushed, but let it go when Tino gave her some treats. Tino walked closer to Raini, and didn't miss the flinch that shook the man. Now Tino was concerned and confused, what had Tino done to make Raini react like this?

"Yes? What's wrong, Raini?"

Tino asked with his token small smile, trying to reassure Raini. It didn't work, Raini remained nervous, and instead of answering Tino he grabbed the Finn's wrist and pulled him away from the very public village square and into the shadows between two cabins. Tino's confusion grew and grew, what on Earth was so serious Raini didn't want to risk anyone else hearing it? A familiar fear lifted its ugly head, it was weaker than before because Tino hadn't been afraid in a while now, but it was enough to make Tino go rigid when Raini looked at him with a serious expression.

"I-I apologize in advance if I'm w-wrong, but this is a pretty serious issue, so could you please be honest with me?"

Tino frowned, he wanted to demand what this was about, but Raini was rarely this serious. This was important. So Tino nodded hesitantly, and Raini released his wrist. Raini took a breath, closing his eyes for a moment, and when he opened them again there wasn't hesitation in his gaze.

"Are you and Mr. Oxenstierna…involved?"

Those words stopped Tino's breath, and his face paled. Raini had put it in a vague way, but Tino knew what he was asking. It horrified Tino, he had been so careful about not letting his emotions show through, but of course some would leak through. Tino wasn't the best liar, and although he had become better at it out of necessity it was hard to conceal emotions as strong as what he had for Berwald. There was a blush here, or a quiet giggle there, and that was probably how Tino had spread around clues that the more perceptive people in the village had picked up. Raini wasn't among those people, so Tino knew that Raini had heard this from someone else. And that meant that the word had already gotten around. That could spell serious trouble for Tino and Berwald. Being involved with another man was a serious offense, one that could get you a long prison sentence, or worse, get you sent to Siberia. There was no more death sentence, but some things, or places, could be worse than death. And Tino didn't want that fate to befall Berwald.

Tino had fallen deep in thought as the shock settled in, and Raini had to shake his shoulder to snap Tino out of it. The Finn blinked at his friend, and swallowed. Raini had asked him to be honest, but Raini must've understood Tino couldn't tell the truth if he and Berwald indeed had been involved. They weren't, a fact that made Tino sad but it also couldn't be helped. But just having the rumour going around was bad enough, because people assumed and did desperate things when they didn't understand something. Tino had seen it happen before.

"I promise you, I won't tell anyone if you are. As long as you end it immediately. You're smart Tino, you know better."

Raini sounded desperate, he really did consider Tino a good friend, and he didn't want to see the Finn get arrested.

Tino bit his lower lip, and slowly opened his mouth.

"No…we are not involved, Raini. Not now, not ever. It's wrong."

Saying those words was against Tino's very being, for he had never felt romantic love for anyone but men, but it had to be said. For Berwald's safety.

Raini seemed relieved, and the serious expression in his eyes dissolved like it had never been there. Tino was touched in a way, Raini cared about him enough to do something to uncharacteristic. But that feeling was buried under sadness, paranoia, and the increasing urge to hug Berwald.

"That's good, I just…I just needed to make sure. Mr. Hålberg is saying horrible things, Tino. I've been able to keep him thinking it's just idle gossip, I'm happy I haven't been lying."

A small smile graced Raini's features, something that happened so very rarely, and Tino felt bad for the man. Raini was working in a hellish position in a hellish place, and his circumstances were awful. Raini was shouldering several generations' worth of debts, and his children and his childrens' children would have to work here and even then, the debts would only be halved. Mr. Hålberg basically owned the small man, and Tino's heart broke for poor Raini.

"Rest assured Raini, even the thought of me and Be- Mr. Oxenstierna being involved is ridiculous. It's sin, it should never happen."

Every single word hurt Tino's soul, he was really pushing it. But this kind of stance on this matter was common, what Tino was saying wasn't strange at all. Any minute now Raini would agr-

"Um, I-I wouldn't go…that far…"

Tino's eyes widened in surprise, as he took in Raini's nervous form. Nervous and…flustered? Tino blinked, was what he was seeing and hearing real? Raini didn't share the common opinion about male love? Tino's expression was probably one big question mark, and fearfully Raini kept speaking, afraid Tino was going to think he was disgusting or a sinner.

"M-My…older brother loved…a man. That was why…he ran away from here. W-With his love. I-I took his place as Mr. Hålberg's attendant. Villagers d-don't talk about it, i-it's a taboo subject…"

This was the first time Tino had heard about this, and according to Raini that wasn't strange. The villagers loved to gossip, but even among them some chosen topics were off-limits. If Mr. Hålberg had gotten angry enough about Raini's brother deserting, then no one would dare mention it.

"Th-They…were h-happy. B-Because sometimes love…doesn't see the body, but...the soul. Like God unconditionally loves us all, despite what caste we were born into or what kind of mortal form we carry. O-Or…that is what my brother said. A-And…I agree."

Tino was amazed, as he listened to Raini. Hearing these poetry-like words from his mouth was jarring, but at the same time mind-blowing. Raini was clearly scared to voice them, and Tino was beyond happy that Raini trusted him enough to let him hear them. Tino smiled a little, and touched Raini's shoulder. Raini had let his eyes fall to the ground as he had spoken, and now that he saw Tino's non-judgmental face a huge amount of tension left his shoulders.

"Those were beautiful words, Raini. And I think they have the truth behind them."

The last part Tino said quietly, in a secretive manner, and he looked at Raini with a serious expression. Raini caught on, Tino had never said those words, and they had never had this conversation. Raini nodded a bit, and stood a bit straighter. Tino patted his shoulder, and turned around with a smile, gesturing for Raini to follow.

"Now come along. If I leave Berwald alone for too long I'm certain he will try to lift something heavy again."

Raini chuckled, and followed after Tino. Tino still called Berwald Mr. Oxenstierna in front of the villagers, but now he knew that Raini could hear him call the man with his first name.

Raini was now his ally.

***

A quick knock resounded from the door, two quick knocks and then three long ones and two more quick ones. Lukas frowned(though it was barely discernible), no one was supposed to arrive today, and both Matthias and Eduard were in the house. He stood up from his place on the couch, trying not to bother Matthias, whose head was against his shoulder. The Dane stayed asleep, he was such a heavy sleeper it was ridiculous.

Lukas slowly walked to the door, and peeked through the small hole in it to check who knew their secret knock. What Lukas saw made his eyes widen, and he threw the door open. Someone well-versed in reading Lukas' subtle expressions could've been able to tell his face was a mixture of anger and joy. He pulled the teen, who had been standing behind the door, into an embrace while also smacking the top of his head.

"You idiot! What are you doing here? I sent you away for a reason!"

Lukas said, but he still kept hugging his little brother. Emil tried to answer, but his voice was muffled against Lukas' chest. Emil was almost as tall as his older brother, but Lukas somehow gained extra strength when showing affection towards his only surviving family member. Eventually though Emil was able to move his head away enough to speak.

"Like I could stay away after getting your letter."

Emil muttered with a frown, looking at his brother defiantly. There was also affection in his eyes, but not nearly as much or strong as the one in Lukas'.

"How did you even get here? You're a baby, you shouldn't travel on your own."

Lukas sounded suspicious, and finally let go of his little brother in order to raise his brow at the teen. Emil opened his mouth to argue against being called a baby, but the look on Lukas' face was enough to make him decide against it. Emil was among those that could read Lukas well and he knew his brother didn't want to hear anything that wasn't the answer to his question.

"…I might've…borrowed some money from Helena…"

Another smack hit the top of Emil's head and the teen rubbed the spot with a rebellious pout. Helena was one of Lukas' trusted acquaintances, and he had sent Emil to her when things had begun to look grim back in Finland. Lukas' hadn't seen his brother in nearly three years, Emil was 16 and was starting to look like a man.

But for Lukas he would always be a baby.

"And you will return every single coin after you've worked your ass off to earn them. But now we can't afford to send you back. And I don't want to let you go just yet."

Lukas' tone was final, and Emil nodded, despite wanting to talk back. He was prideful, but if he knew anything about his older brother then it was that he was stubborn. It was a trait that ran in the family alongside pride.

Matthias stirred on the couch, woken up by Lukas' stern tone, and he blinked towards the pair of siblings standing in the doorway. Matthias' eyes widened, and a huge grin split his face. Emil paled, he knew what was coming and he knew he wasn't going to like it.

"Em! Is that really you?!"

Matthias ran to them and pulled both brothers in a crushing bear hug. Lukas sighed and gave the Dane's shin one swift kick, but left it at that. Emil groaned and wiggled for all he was worth, but it was in vain. When Matthias latched on he didn't let go until he chose to.

"Dear Lord, you've grown! Look Lukas, he's almost your size! Awh, but you're still such a cutie~ Just like your brother!"

Emil's cheeks turned crimson from shame. He wanted to die right on the spot, when these words were being said to him while this giant was still hugging him. What Lukas saw in Matthias, Emil would never know, but he didn't miss the vaguely happy expression on his older brother's face.

After few minutes of hugging and Matthias' one-sided blabbing the Dane let the brothers go, but kept an arm around Lukas' shoulders as he grinned at Emil.

"Seriously though, what brought you here? Did something happen to Helena?"

Emil and Lukas both had always been impressed, and annoyed, at Matthias' capability to change his mood in a fraction of a second. One moment he was all sunshine and grins and then the next he looked grim and concerned and ready to pick a fight if necessary.

Emil shook his head, and looked worried as he answered, suddenly remembering why he was here.

"You're in contact with Tino, right? He's in trouble, Lukas told me in a letter. I couldn't just sit still…"

Matthias and Lukas could understand, Tino was as much of an older brother for Emil as Lukas was. Even if Emil wouldn't admit it he cared a great deal for the Finn. For all of the people in their circle of friends. Even-

"Hm? Emil? My word, look at you!"

Speak of the devil, Eduard had emerged from his study, adjusting his glasses as he smiled at Emil. Emil nodded, and Eduard joined their small circle at the door. The rest of the day was spent catching up and discussing the future, theirs and Tino's. And at the end of it Lukas had crafted a letter, that was going to be sent to Tino. It contained a date, time and place at the Northern border of Sweden and Finland. And hopefully, on that day, their mismatched family would become whole again.

***

"B-Berwald?"

Tino's voice was hesitant as he spoke to the Swede. They were returning home, and the day was starting to dim. The long shadows of the pines made Tino's face look uncharacteristically vulnerable, as he carefully glanced at Berwald. The man was sitting by his side at the front, Berwald had stopped sitting at the back of the sleigh after Tino had gotten back to his feet and started doing his assistant work again. It had taken the Finn a week of bedrest to recover from his hypothermia (and emotional wounds, but those only Tino knew about).

"Hm?"

Berwald grunted, and Tino hadn't expected anything else from the man. He had grown to like every side of the Swede, even his scary face and gruff manner of speaking. It all hid so much kindness behind it, that Tino felt truly blessed to be able to know the man behind the scowl.

But Tino didn't let his adoration take over, not now when he actually had something serious to discuss. Tino cleared his throat, small blush dusting his cheeks, and looked forward again as he spoke.

"H-Have you heard any rumour lately? About…the two of us?"

Berwald blinked a few times, he hadn't expected this question. But Tino looked serious, which was unusual when it was just the two of them. Tino had started to smile more often than not when in Berwald's company, after all. So, Berwald answered honestly.

"No. 'S somethin' wr'ng?"

Tino's heart did a small leap, when he heard the subtle concern in Berwald's voice. Tino's heart did that a lot lately, and showed no signs of stopping. Tino wanted to sigh, but they were in the middle of a conversation, and Berwald needed to hear this. They needed to do something.

"Well, um, there are…rumours about us. They say we are…involved."

Tino emphasized the last word, so Berwald would get its meaning. Because sometimes Berwald could be quite dense, Tino had learned that during the time he had known the Swede. It was both a blessing and a curse.

Berwald blinked again, and then his ears turned red when he realized what Tino meant. The Swede also looked forward and nodded slowly, fighting the rising tide of embarrassment within him. Had he been so obvious about his feelings? Usually Berwald didn't even need to try hiding his feelings, because his face just wasn't expressive enough to convey them in the first place. So how was it that they had leaked through just when Berwald actually needed to conceal them?

"I-I see…"

Berwald muttered, and both men were now blushing and embarrassed, and strangely melancholy. Because both thought that the rumour could never actually come true…

"M-My point is that we should perhaps do something to stop it from spreading. Prove it wrong. Perhaps I should stop working as your assista-"

"No."

Berwald said just one single word, but it was said with such conviction and certainty that it made Tino pull the reigns and stop the sleigh. He turned to look at Berwald, he had leaned closer and the intense look in the man's eyes made Tino shiver. Deep within his ocean eyes was suddenly heat, heat and determination and…something else that Tino couldn't quite grasp. Berwald reached his hand out and grabbed Tino's right hand, just holding it when he once more said

"No."

The intensity had died down, and what was left was that strange unidentified feeling and pleading. Tino was confused by this reaction, why was Berwald so desperate to keep him as his assistant, by his side? Tino didn't want to feel any false hope, it must've been that Berwald was merely used to Tino's presence, his help was convenient for the Swede.

Then what is that feeling in his eyes, and why does it look familiar?

No, those kinds of thoughts were forbidden. Tino shook it off and gently detached their hands. Berwald realized what he had done, and quickly took some distance, his ears red again.

So cute…

"O-Okei, um, it was just a suggestion, I don't have to quit. We can come up with something else, don't worry."

Tino didn't want to quit anyway. At this point he felt weird just thinking about not being with Berwald most of the time every day. Tino wanted to see Berwald's bedhead every morning, wanted to see him awkwardly give orders, wanted to see him like this, sitting next to him, just the two of them (and Kukkamuna, who was currently trying not to throw a fit about them stopping so abruptly).

"Mh. But don' quit. I wanna keep ya w'th me. 'S long as possibl'."

Tino's face should've exploded from the amount of blood that suddenly rushed to his cheeks when Berwald said that. Tino didn't even dare to look at Berwald or answer him, and quickly snapped the reigns in his hands, urging Kukkamuna to keep going. Tino had a feeling that something very bad and very good would happen if he looked at Berwald right now, when Tino's feelings were in such disarray.

Berwald wasn't much better off, the blush had spread from his ears to his face and he also tried not to look at Tino, afraid of what he might do if he did. The Finn wasn't answering, but that was just good. Neither of the men didn't want to break the mood that had ascended upon them along with this topic of conversation, and it didn't dissolve until they both fell asleep in their respective beds, thoughts and further dreams filled with each other.


	11. There's Stubborn Folk in This Land

It wasn't unusual for Hålberg to want to see Berwald. The men didn't like each other and there was a delicate balance between them, but Hålberg enjoyed gossiping and he wanted to keep up the pretence that he and Berwald got along. Even though Berwald would never like Hålberg, he was exactly the type of person who made Berwald seethe with anger. And those kinds of people were few and far between. Hålberg thought he was above all the other people in the village, they were just tools for him. He saw Berwald as an equal of sorts, because the man was from Sweden. A land of culture, unlike Finland. The territory of Finland was full of ignorant, stupid commoners who weren't even worth the acknowledgement of the tsar. Finland might as well have been a wasteland, it held as much significance.

Or so Hålberg so often liked to complain, specifically at Berwald. And Berwald always had to sit there, hiding his disgust, because if he angered this man, he wouldn't be able to help the people of the village.

But Berwald was always summoned to Hålberg alone. It was very strange, that this time he had told Berwald to take Tino with him. Berwald couldn't help but remember what Tino had told him just few days ago, about the rumours, and how Hålberg absolutely loathed those who loved the same gender. In the end Berwald and Tino hadn't been able to come up with a good plan to deal with the rumours, but they had tried to act more distant with each other in public. It was for Berwald, he had already gotten used to the subtle touches and lingering looks, he missed them. But it was all for Tino's sake, so he could deal with it.

Berwald had a bad feeling about this meeting though, and Tino also looked nervous next to him, as they waited for someone to open the front doors. Raini opened the door, and if Berwald thought Tino looked nervous then Raini looked 100 times worse. Raini didn't say anything, they all knew why they were here. He just stepped aside and waited for the pair to enter before closing the door. Tino asked something from Raini with a hushed tone, and Raini shook his head slightly as an answer. Tino's nervousness seemed to ease a bit, but he still flinched when Berwald gently tapped his shoulder. When Tino turned around to face Berwald and saw the question in the Swede's eyes Tino merely shook his head a bit, and tried to give a small reassuring smile. It didn't reach his eyes, the nervousness and…fear, was still there. Berwald felt a sudden rush of anger towards Hålberg, how dare he make Tino have this kind of expression.

"It shouldn't be anything too serious."

Tino whispered, but before Berwald could answered they were ushered down the hall by Raini. Few other servants showed up at the doorways along the hallway, and even Berwald could tell they looked at him and Tino with pity in their eyes. The bad feeling only worsened, and instinctively Berwald took a light hold of Tino's forearm. He wanted to hold the Finn's hand, but that would've been highly inappropriate in this situation, and the two hadn't even gotten that far. Yet. Because Berwald felt like he wanted to fix that sometime soon, not being able to ignore the demands of his growing affection.

Tino didn't flinch at his touch, rather he turned his face down for a moment as small blush appeared on his face. Had this situation been less tense Berwald would've relished how Tino looked, but instead he gave the man's forearm a small squeeze before letting go. Because they had arrived. Before them were the doors to Hålberg's chambers. At this point Berwald was sick of seeing those dark wood doors, and now they evoked a feeling of rage as well. Berwald himself was surprised how protective he had grown of Tino.

Berwald squeezed his hands into fists as Raini opened the door for them, mouthing "Good luck" at them before speaking out loud.

"Mr. Oxenstierna and Tino have arrived, sir."

Raini said, barely being able to keep his voice from shivering. Hålberg, instead of his normal rather cheery greeting, merely grunted as an answer. He was sitting in an armchair, facing a fireplace. With a wave of a hand he ordered Raini to go away, and the small man did just that, closing the door as he went. Berwald and Tino walked forward, and Berwald unconsciously situated himself slightly in front of Tino. No one said anything for a while, so Tino was the first one to raise his voice, uncertainty clear in his tone.

"Um, what is this about, sir?"

Now Hålberg moved, he stood up and turned to face the pair. He frowned when he saw the way Berwald was standing protectively in front of Tino, there was some disgust in his gaze.

"Do we have a problem, gentlemen?"

Hålberg asked, his tone serious and accusing. Berwald and Tino both instantly knew what he was talking about, but they both also knew to act dumb. Berwald just tried to look puzzled, and left the speaking to Tino.

"A…a problem, sir?"

Berwald knew Tino wasn't that good of a liar, it was just one of the endearing things about the Finn, but this time he managed to sound actually confused. Berwald felt strangely proud.

"Are you trying to act dumb, Tino? Surely you know about the rumours going around. About you two. About the…nature, of your relationship."

The last part Hålberg said with apparent disgust, and that disgust merely fuelled Berwald's anger. What Berwald felt towards Tino didn't deserve this kind of reaction, he had learned that much during the months he had known the Finn. And no one should look at Tino the way Hålberg was looking at the man now, the Finn was above that, he was much better than that.

But Berwald couldn't voice his objections, he focused on keeping his face neutral as he spoke up.

"Th'y're lies."

He said simply, not wanting to leave all the talking to Tino. Hålberg's eyes moved to Berwald, and the Swede didn't even flinch as the disgust was directed towards him. Because Berwald knew the two of them weren't in the wrong.

"Lies? Then what is the talk I've heard about touching, and..and looking at each other in an indecent manner? Oxenstierna, you are shielding Tino like he was your woman, for heaven's sake!"

Berwald glanced at Tino, the smaller man had become meek, but there was certain…defeat to his posture, and familiarity. Like he had been in this situation before. Berwald frowned a bit, not letting his eyes linger, that would only prove Hålberg right and escalate the situation.

"He's my ass'stant, I need t' look at 'im."

Berwald simply said, like it was an obvious fact and Hålberg was an idiot for thinking otherwise. Hålberg was a bit shaken by Berwald's words, uncertainty pushing aside the disgust momentarily. But for some reason the man didn't relent, perhaps he wanted the rumours were true, his hate towards homosexuals was that great.

"What about the touches then?! You have had several eye witnesses, you can't deny-!"

"His shoulder!"

Berwald and Hålberg were both surprised by Tino suddenly interrupting, and turned to look at the small man. Tino flinched a bit at the sudden attention, especially since it wasn't good attention from Hålberg's part. He swallowed, and stood a bit straighter. He intended to put the courage he had gained from Berwald to use.

"Mr. Oxenstierna's shoulder was injured a while back, remember? I need to support and assist him from time to time, because he still feels pain in his shoulder from time to time."

Hålberg frowned, looking like he almost believed this explanation, and Berwald felt impressed and proud at how well Tino was able to deliver the lie. But Hålberg needed more convincing, and took a step forward, pointing an accusing finger at Tino.

"That happened over a month ago, you can't possibly think I believe- "

"Excuse me, Mr. Hålberg, but how familiar are you with work injuries? Do you know how long it takes for a dislocated shoulder to heal?"

That shut Hålberg up, because of course he didn't know. The man had probably never worked a day in his life, and Tino knew that. He held back a triumphant smile, they had won.

"It takes well over a month, sir. Mr. Oxenstierna will be able to fully use his shoulder again by the time spring is well in the way. Until then, he needs help. Right, Mr. Oxenstierna?"

Tino, his demeanour much more confident now, looked at Berwald with a small smile. Berwald was momentarily dazzled by the sight, but he managed to nod, answering the Finn's smile with his almost non-existent one.

Hålberg was now speechless, and the disgust had been replaced by frustration and confusion. There was a silence that was just long enough to be uncomfortable, the only sound was the sound of the wood crackling in the fireplace.

"…Very well, it was my mistake. But I won't hesitate to contact the authorities if there is something more to you two. I hear Siberia is wonderful this time of the year."

The smile on Hålberg's face was downright sinister, and Tino couldn't help but move a bit more behind Berwald. That was just fine, because Berwald moved his arm a bit, so it shielded the man behind him. Berwald really didn't appreciate Hålberg threatening Tino like this, it made him near livid.

Hålberg didn't say anything more. He took a small bell from the coffee table in his hand and rang it. Moments later Raini opened the door and ushered Berwald and Tino out. He had been listening to the conversation, and the moment the door closed behind them he looked relieved.

"I was so worried! He has been threatening to send a letter to the closest town with law enforcers for days now!"

Raini said is panicked whispers, loud enough for both Berwald and Tino to hear. Tino nodded a bit, there was still confidence in his gait from just now, but the worry was still at the forefront of his mind.

"We're not out of the woods yet, he's still suspicious…"

Tino said as quietly, glancing at Berwald. Berwald was looking back at him, and the two men looked into each other's eyes, having a small conversation with just their gazes. Tino made his worry and fear apparent, looking for some kind of support from Berwald. The Swede reached out again and gave Tino's forearm another squeeze, and although the look in his eyes was still slightly fierce from the anger, he felt towards Hålberg it softened as he looked at Tino. There was hope and reassurance in his eyes, they'd get through this.

Tino, feeling more relaxed now, nodded and smiled a little, this time genuinely. Raini followed this exchange from the side lines. Although for someone else it might've looked like Tino and Berwald were just staring at each other Raini knew Tino well enough to see that the look in Finn's eyes was one he only directed at Berwald.

Raini cleared his throat nervously, and Tino jumped and blushed. He had forgotten Raini's presence, and he turned to look at the other man with an embarrassed expression.

"Um, I heard that the work is done for today, so…you two can return home if you wish."

Raini said, suppressing a smile at Tino's face, it looked amusing. Before Tino had been so closed-off and always a bit distant, Raini felt happy to be able to see his long-time friend be open like this. Raini felt like Tino needed it.

"O-Okay, thanks. It was nice seeing you Raini."

Tino gave his friend a brief hug, they had only recently started doing that. After Raini had told Tino his stance on love between men they had grown closer as friends. But nothing more. Tino might've loved men, but Raini didn't, and Tino's heart was clearly currently occupied by someone else.

Kukkamuna was already waiting for Tino and Berwald in the yard, snorting impatiently when she saw the two of them approach. Tino chuckled and petted her head, Berwald following in suit. Kukkamuna was now completely used to Berwald's touch, and although she still wouldn't obey the Swede's commands, she let him handle her. This astounded Tino, perhaps she could feel that Tino was fond of Berwald and thus treated the Swede with respect.

For a moment Tino watched Berwald pet Kukkamuna, and a wave of affection washed over him. He wanted to spend just a bit more time with his gentle giant, they had barely been able to talk today because of their work. Blushing slightly, Tino hopped on the sleigh and waited until Berwald did so as well before he spoke.

"B-Berwald, would you, um, like to eat with me? I still have some leftovers, we could preserve resources if we shared. I remember seeing you were low on dried meat, you can take some of mine, I heard that the stock is getting low, so, um- "

Tino began to babble out of nervousness, and his blush got worse with every stuttered word. Berwald personally thought Tino was absolutely adorable when he began to babble like this, but he felt bad for the man. So Berwald put a hand on Tino's shoulder, and nodded.

"Of co'rse I'll c'me."

Tino blinked, and then smiled happily. He nodded as well, took Kukkamuna's reigns and ushered the reindeer forward. As they made their way through the village the two chatted, or more like Tino spoke and Berwald grunted and sometimes commented. Tino mostly spoke about what kind of food he could make, their schedule for the coming days and week, some harmless gossip he had heard around the village and about his own likes and dislikes. Tino made sure to keep away from the topic of painting, but he liked talking about nature and the world, and on that subject Berwald also had more opinions. Both men greatly enjoyed nature and they each had a rich inner life. They had noticed this, and it had connected them on a deeper level.

Before Tino even noticed they had made it to his cabin, and while Berwald detached Kukkamuna from the sleigh Tino headed to the door. He kept talking happily, in the middle of a topic about birds.

"And as I looked, that hawk was- "

Tino opened the door and stopped talking as he saw the inside of his cabin. He got a sense of déjà vu, when he saw the rock and glass shards on the floor, and the paper wrapped around said rock. Panic and fear instantly took a hold of Tino, and his breathing grew heavy and rapid. Berwald noticed Tino's sudden silence and quickly came to his side, ready to ask what was wrong. But then he too saw the inside of the cabin and remained quiet. Berwald pulled Tino back and behind him protectively and stepped into the cabin first. Berwald looked around, alarmed, looking for intruders. He saw no one, just a quiet and chilled cabin. Berwald turned around to ask Tino if he knew anything about this, but the Finn had collapsed on his knees on the floor. Immediately Berwald rushed to him, and put his hands on Tino's shoulders, squeezing them a bit.

"T'no? T'no, bre'the, 's ok'y. 'M here."

Berwald murmured, trying to sound calming, but he was also slightly panicking. He had seen Tino like this before, albeit briefly, and it was scary. Tino's beautiful eyes looked hazy and unfocused, he had his arms wrapped around his torso, and he was shaking all over. Berwald could hear Tino mutter something, and once he heard what Berwald frowned.

"He's here, oh gods, he's here, he found me, it's too late, he's here, oh no…"

Over and over and over again. Berwald had so many questions, but calming Tino down was his first priority. Berwald also fell to his knees, and without hesitation pulled Tino close to him, holding the smaller man tightly. Tino fit perfectly within Berwald's arms, something the Swede had noticed back when Tino had suffered from hypothermia and he had had to carry the Finn home. It was a wonderful feeling, but it also wasn't important now. Berwald kept murmuring as he rubbed Tino's back, waiting to see if this had any effect on the Finn.

Tino was lost in a maze of memories and paranoia, and he had already decided his fate was sealed. Another message this soon after the first one could only mean things had taken a turn to the worse. Tino was convinced Ivan was already on his way, that Tino couldn't escape anymore. Tino should just give up, maybe Ivan would have mercy on him if he surrendered. Maybe Ivan would let him have some coal for drawing if he begged, maybe…maybe…what..if…

Tino's thoughts became more and more tangled, and he couldn't hear or see the outside world anymore. But as he was fretting over Ivan's plans for Tino's friends the Finn felt someone close to him. Someone was hugging him, and rubbing his back. The steady, slow movement helped Tino centre his mind, as he kept focusing on that movement. Tino could smell something, it was a familiar scent he had only had vague whiffs of before. It was the scent of freshly cut pine, coffee and water. It was Berwald's scent, a truly unique scent Tino had come to love as much as he loved other aspects of the man.

Berwald was here, trying to calm Tino, trying to bring him back to the real world. Tino didn't want to worry Berwald, and he tried to steady his breathing. Berwald didn't stop the movement of his hand on Tino's back, and Tino kept focusing on that rhythm. Thanks to it Tino's breathing became normal again, and his eyes began seeing again. All he could see was Berwald's jacket though, because his face was against the man's chest. Tino felt embarrassed and ashamed of his panic attack, but at the same time he didn't want to move. He felt so perfectly content and at home in Berwald's arms, like he belonged there. Tino moved his arms and wrapped them loosely around Berwald, gripping his jacket. Berwald noticed and tried to move away in order to look at Tino, but Tino gripped harder and kept Berwald where he was, shaking his head a bit.

"Just…a bit longer…"

Tino muttered against Berwald's chest, and Berwald complied without a second thought. Tino's needs came first. So, the two remained there for several minutes, on their knees in the doorway, embracing each other. Tino was the first one to separate, hesitantly. He was blushing deeply, but there was a small happy smile on his face. He had wanted to be in Berwald's arms for so long now, and although the circumstances weren't all that happy it had felt perfect.

Berwald's ears were red as well, but his expression was mainly concerned, as he looked down at Tino. No words were needed, something that had become a normal occurrence with the two of them. Tino shyly looked at Berwald's face, and his smile slowly fell. He looked back down, Tino didn't even notice that his hands were still gripping Berwald's jacket and Berwald wasn't about to make the Finn let go.

"Thank you, Berwald. So much."

Tino said gently after a moment of silence, his voice still a bit shaky. Berwald nodded and grunted, he still had a lot of questions, but refrained from asking them. Tino would explain when he felt ready. Tino smiled appreciatively, and then stood up. Berwald stood up with Tino, and together they turned to look at the rock on the floor. Tino's breath hitched, but he didn't start panicking again. He had Berwald with him, his gentle giant was like a lighthouse that kept Tino in the present. Tino walked over to the rock, and he pulled Berwald along with him, still gripping the man's jacket. Berwald didn't resist and remained firmly by Tino's side, knowing that he was acting as a support for the man. Carefully Tino bent down and picked the rock up, the paper around it was the same as last time. Was this another message from Lukas? Tino swallowed and sat down on his bed. Berwald remained standing and made sure not to look at the paper when Tino unfurled it from around the rock and read it. He did it with one hand, Tino didn't dare to let go of Berwald's jacket. And that turned out to be a good choice, because the contents of the letter made him grip Berwald's jacket so tightly that the Swede had to sit down next to Tino. Berwald saw the horrified expression on Tino's face, and couldn't help but peek at the paper. The text was written in Finnish, with a beautiful cursive. The message was brief, but after reading it Berwald partly understood why Tino had such a horrified expression.

'Plans changed. He is coming very soon. Run away now. We will be waiting.'

Aside from the message there was a date and place written down, and a simple doodle of a bird Berwald had never seen.

Tino couldn't hold back his tears anymore, and as he read the text over and over again tears began dropping down on the paper, making small sounds in the quiet cabin. The tears held many emotions; fear, panic, relief, joy, confusion and hope. The letter said "we". Everyone was together, Lukas wouldn't sugar-coat something like that. When he said "we" he meant everyone. Even Emil, Tino recognized the doodle at the bottom of the letter, it was a puffin. Emil's favourite bird. When Emil had been small Tino had drawn the boy countless pictures of puffins, Tino would recognize the bird anywhere.

But Tino's worst fears were coming true as well. Ivan was coming sooner after all. It was possible he was on his way right now, and just the thought made Tino shiver from horror. He remembered all the horrible threats Ivan had made, all the violent touches, those would become Tino's every day if he didn't run away. But where would he go? What should he do? When-?

"T'no? Wh't 's this 'bout?"

Tino jumped, and quickly turned his head to look at Berwald by his side. The Swede was frowning, staring at the message. There was something dark in his eyes and Tino automatically felt afraid, much like when they had met for the first time. But Tino knew that dark emotion in Berwald's eyes wasn't directed at him. Berwald was worried for Tino's safety, and the Finn didn't blame him. This message probably sounded very foreboding…

"I-It's…well…I mean…"

Tino didn't know what to say. What was he supposed to say? It's not like he could tell Berwald everything…right? But when Tino looked into Berwald's eyes he could only see patience and openness, and as the two looked at each other Berwald took Tino's shaking hand into his. It was so large and entirely covered Tino's hand, that made Tino feel at ease. It made him trust, that Berwald wouldn't collapse under the information that the Swede was asking to hear.

"I-It will be…a long story. And…I don't have much time. I-I need to- "

Berwald silenced Tino with a squeeze, he wouldn't let the Finn start babbling now. With his free hand Berwald wiped away the tears from Tino's cheeks. Berwald's eyes were firm but gentle and so were his words.

"Tell me."

Tino took a deep breath in, and slowly exhaled, squeezing Berwald's hand back. He looked back at the letter, and silently apologized to his friends. Tino was about to betray a promise he had made to them and to himself. Because he had done something he had sworn to never do again, he had fallen in love.

Tino looked at Berwald, determined to share a story he had thought he'd never have to voice.

"H-His…name is Ivan…"


	12. Only Death And Law Can Separate Us

16 years ago…

"Mommy! Mommy, look! What is that?!"

Päivi Väinämöinen turned to look at what her son Tino was so excited about, hands impatiently on her hips. They could only come to town once or twice a month and had a lot to buy, Päivi didn't have time to let Tino go off wherever he wanted.

Tino was bouncing on his toes before a store, which was clearly meant for people of a higher caste. Peasants like them couldn't even dream of stepping inside. But Tino was still a child of 10 years, he still didn't know that, and that was why he had his face shamelessly pressed against the glass. Päivi let out a startled squeak and quickly dragged Tino away from the window, at the same time glancing at what had made her son act like this. On the window there was a beautiful painting of a lake surrounded by steep cliffs and evergreen pines. It was breath-taking, even the ever practical Päivi had to stop and admire this piece of art. Mother and son stood there together, awing at the painting, but that didn't last long. The store owner soon came outside and yelled at them to get lost, they were deterring actual paying customers. With a sour expression Päivi took Tino's hand and dragged her son away despite his quiet protests. Her general philosophy was to treat everyone nicely and with respect, but sometimes she really just wanted to give people like that store owner a piece of her mind.

"Mommy, what was that? I've never seen anything like it!"

Päivi looked down at her son and smiled fondly at the child-like wonder still in his eyes. He still couldn't see the unfairness of society, and Päivi envied him for it. She had tried to preserve it as well as she could, especially during these uncertain times. But she always tried to answer her son's questions honestly, and that was what she did now.

"That, my dear, is called a painting. Very talented people make them by drawing on fabric."

"But I've drawn before, and it doesn't look like that!"

"That's because you use coal. You need to use this special mixture called paint for the picture to look like that. And you need to be really good at drawing."

Tino took all this information in with an amazed expression, his eyes sparkling. Tino was fascinated now. Päivi saw it and could tell what Tino was going to say before he even said it.

"I want to do that! Mommy, can I get that paint and do that?!"

It broke Päivi's heart to see the hope in Tino's eyes, and it pained her that she had to tell him the truth and see that hope fizzle out.

"Oh honey, paint is very expensive. Mommy and daddy can't afford it. But hey, you can still use coal, right? I'll even let you borrow some boards to draw on, okay?"

Tino's face fell, and he stuck out his lower lip in a pout. But he didn't bawl or throw a tantrum, Tino was a smart child and knew that no matter how much he fought their family's financial situation wouldn't change. So Tino let it go that day, but that painting stayed in his mind. Something in that image had touched Tino, and that feeling would stick with him for many years to come.

Tino was the only son of a small-time farmer Touko Väinämöinen, and his wife Päivi Väinämöinen. Originally, they had planned on having more children, but after having Tino Päivi had lost her ability to bear any more children. The couple was saddened by this, but merely channelled all their love towards raising Tino to be a good person and upright young man. And with his mother's empathetic nature and intelligence and father's sensibility Tino grew up to be a bright and mature child. He always held great interest towards the farm and working there, but after that fateful day in town that changed. Tino began drawing like he was possessed, finding any available surface he could doodle on with coal. Tino still did his chores, but now his mind was far away from learning about the practicalities of being a farmer. All he wanted was to draw, and some day maybe even paint.

Touko and Päivi didn't want to dampen their son's spirit, but they knew world was a cruel place. Painting was a luxury reserved for the rich, and they were far from it. They didn't tell them that for a few years, waiting for this phase to pass, but when it didn't, they prepared themselves to make Tino stop this nonsense before he got more hurt. But they didn't have the chance to do that, for they saw what their son was actually drawing. Their breath was taken away, Tino was an extremely talented artist. He could bring forth so much beauty and emotion with just coal on wood, it was almost magical. Touko and Päivi knew this gift was beyond them, beyond Tino or any mortal. It must've been bestowed upon him by something greater, and it would've been a crime to stop Tino from using his talents. But coal had its limits, and Tino still dreamed of being able to paint. So, what did his parents do?

Touko and Päivi used some of their savings to send Tino to be an apprentice at a household of a local foreign merchant, Leif Bondevik, when he was 13. The apprenticeship would last 10 years, and at the end of it Tino would be fit to be a head servant. But Tino's parents had another goal. Leif Bondevik was an art enthusiast and collected all kinds of art pieces from all over the world. Touko and Päivi hoped that if Tino proved his skills as an artist Leif could grant him the opportunity to use his skills and make a living out of art. They told this to Tino before sending him off, and Tino was very excited and determined to prove himself.

At first Tino did his work like normal, and he was a very quick learner and good at pleasing people. But he just didn't find opportunities to speak to the master of the house. Leif was a busy man, and often travelled all over Europe. Tino began to lose hope, when after several months he hadn't even seen the man.

Tino had been assigned to assist in serving the merchant's two sons, Lukas and Emil, due to being close to Lukas in age. Lukas was just few years older than Tino, and Emil was still a toddler. Lukas had been taught how to paint since he was a small child and was very skilled. As skilled if not better than Tino. Tino sometimes got to witness Lukas bringing forth beautiful images on canvas, Lukas preferred painting subjectively whereas Tino wanted to immortalize real life. Tino really admired the older boy's abilities and secretly wished they could've been friends.

But Tino was mainly in charge of Emil and taking care of the toddler was fun, so Tino mostly didn't mind. He often drew the toddler pictures with coal he snuck out from the kitchen, that was Emil's favourite game to play. Emil especially liked birds, and his favourite bird was a strange one called puffin from the home of his and Lukas' mother, Iceland. The two boys had lost their mother to a sickness soon after Emil's birth, and Lukas had acted as a kind of replacement mother for Emil ever since. The brothers shared a deep bond, one which Tino really envied.

One day, after 6 months of working in the household, Tino was sent to clean out the painting room. As he got to work, he saw there was a lot of leftover paint from Lukas' practice. Tino, frustrated by his vain attempts at talking to Leif, found it such a waste and just couldn't help himself. He grabbed a brush, an empty canvas and began painting. Soon Tino was in a trance and couldn't stop his hand from moving. Tino channelled all his emotions on canvas, all his frustrations and hopes and dreams, and recreated the lake painting he had seen three years prior. But Tino didn't notice Lukas entering the room in the middle of the process, and Lukas quietly watched Tino work magic on the canvas. The teenager was impressed by this servant boy's abilities, they were crude but had a lot of potential, and Lukas voiced his opinion after Tino was done. That was the moment when Tino and Lukas spoke for the first time, and soon after became good friends. Lukas all but demanded his father to let Tino practice painting with him, and the two boys bonded through art. Emil soon began to see Tino as a second brother and Tino was extremely happy about that, having always lacked siblings.

Many years went past, and the three boys grew up together and became closer after every year. Tino's parents died when the boy was 16, and Leif didn't even hesitate to offer the boy a place in his residence. Tino became an unofficial adoptive son to the Bondeviks, and even though Tino was broken with sorrow he was happy to have brothers.

Emil never developed any special interest towards art, he was more of a bibliophile and enjoyed studying history and geography. He was an old soul, much like his older brother Lukas.

When Tino was 20 and Lukas 22 Leif Bondevik left for a trip abroad, and never came back. He died at sea, and all his wealth was left to Lukas. Lukas had been trained to run the business, but he never had much interest for it. He much rather preferred painting and art in general. Lukas left running the company to his father's associates and focused on developing his skills as an artist.

Tino and Lukas had found friends along the years who appreciated art much like they did, and they had formed a tight-knit friend group with two of those people in particular. Matthias was a talented sculptor from Denmark and Eduard was an exceptional writer from Estonia. Tino, Lukas, Matthias and Eduard were a colourful bunch who all had different perspectives and personalities, and that was exactly how they liked it. They weren't just friends; they were a family. This included Emil as well, because whenever the group would gather at the Bondevik estate the child would join them and he was like a little brother they all shared. Much to Emil's dismay.

Times were hard for this small family, however, because around the time of Leif's death art was being discouraged and scrutinized in their town. Especially art that could've gone against the ideologies of Russia and the tsar, and at the time that could've meant anything from using one wrong word or colour. Eduard couldn't publish any of his writings, fearing the content would be seen as anti-government, and the same happened with Matthias' pieces. Eduard lost his job when the government shut down the newspaper he had been writing for, and he had to take up a secretary's position at a local government office.

It was at this government office where Tino met Ivan.

One day Eduard had forgotten some important documents at Lukas' house, the Estonian lived there now that he couldn't pay rent on his own yet. Tino arrived at his workplace to deliver the documents, and on his way in he collided with a large man. This man was Ivan, and Tino instantly thought he was very kind. He helped Tino pick up his papers and the Finn was charmed by Ivan's kind smile. Tino had already discovered his sexual preference years prior with some help from Lukas and his lover Matthias, and Ivan was what you could call Tino's type.

From that day on Tino used whatever excuse he could to go to Eduard's workplace and see Ivan. Ivan didn't mind talking to the smaller man. In fact, he seemed just as infatuated with Tino as Tino was with him. Ivan sent the man sunflowers and small cards and gifts, and they began meeting outside work in a more intimate setting. Tino quickly fell in love and shared all his secrets and feelings with Ivan. Tino told Ivan about his friends and family, and how important they were to him. Tino more or less bared his very soul to this man.

But Tino was so much in love he couldn't see, that Ivan wasn't as open with him and was in fact rather secretive. Other warning signs about Ivan's true nature went over Tino's head as well, like the possessive tendencies, mood swings and occasional aggressiveness. In the end Ivan would always return to his old, loving self, and that was all Tino cared about. Love was blind and Tino was drowning in the stuff.

It wasn't until Ivan began seriously obsessing over Tino that the Finn began to open his eyes. Ivan would demand Tino's attention 24/7, he wanted to know where Tino went, who he spoke to and what he did. Ivan was paranoid and thought painting and his friends kept Tino away from the Russian, began to blame Tino and his friends of conspiring against him and Mother Russia. Sometimes Ivan would even be abusive, he would slap or shove Tino only to apologize repeatedly and profusely right after. Tino naturally denied all Ivan's accusations, and sometimes his word was enough for Ivan. But with time it stopped being enough, Ivan completely stopped trusting Tino. Verbal abuse was an everyday occurrence, and Ivan's words stung like knives.

One day Ivan simply locked Tino in his office and didn't let the man leave. This utterly scared Tino, and in the span of one day he was disillusioned. While locked in that office he thought of Ivan's behaviour and saw what he hadn't seen before, saw the obsession and possessiveness and aggression. And he felt like an utter fool.

Thankfully Eduard happened upon Ivan's office that day, and he let Tino out. Tino left Ivan a note saying they were over, that they shouldn't see each other again, and he quickly went back home. Eduard left along with Tino after leaving behind his letter of resignation, ready to choose his friend over a job any day. Tino spent the rest of the day crying in Lukas' embrace, being consoled by his small family.

But that wasn't the end. No, Ivan was still obsessed and in twisted love with Tino, and that was fatal for the Finn and his friends. Not a week after the office incident a group of law enforcers came to the Bondevik estate and they arrested Lukas, Tino, Eduard and Matthias (who had also recently moved in with his lover).

Ivan, as a desperate attempt to keep Tino from leaving him, had claimed, that Tino and all his friends had gone against the ideologies of Mother Russia with their art and writings. They were accused of treason and crimes against the nation. They all denied it, but Ivan had been able to forge evidence, that discriminated each one of them. Lukas was able to temporarily bail them out using his wealth, but he knew that was a temporary fix. It was clear to see Ivan was relentless and being the son of a very famous general and in a high position himself the friends would never be left in peace. They all faced either death or Siberia if they were caught. Treason was the worst crime there was.

Tino and his friends had to rely on desperate measures. First, Lukas sent Emil away and out of harm's way. Ivan would've definitely used the child against them had he gotten his hands on him. Second, Lukas filed for bankruptcy and eliminated his company after gathering enough money to support them for years to come. But before Lukas could arrange them a safe passage from Finland to Sweden law enforcement broke into the Bondevik estate, in which the friends had been living. The friends refused to come out at first, and thus the intruders set fire to the place in an effort to smoke the criminals out. During this attack Tino got separated from everyone, and afterwards he couldn't find them in the chaos. Tino and his friends were wanted everywhere, Tino couldn't stay in one place. So, he did the first thing that came to his mind and he fled as far away as possible. Tino went from Southern Finland all the way to Lapland, and he settled in the most Northern village he could find. And there he stayed for 5 years, afraid for the life of his friends, afraid of Ivan one day reaching him, afraid of everything…

***

"…Before we got separated, I made a promise to my friends. That I would stay alive, wouldn't let Ivan get me."

Tino whispered, his voice hoarse from crying while telling his story. He was looking down at his hands on his lap, even now so afraid of everything. Afraid of Berwald's reaction, afraid of his own resolve crumbling. But he had to finish this story, for Berwald, who sat there quietly and just listened. Tino hadn't been looking at his face, he wouldn't dare, afraid of what he would see there.

"It was all my fault. Why my friends had to suffer, why this mess exists. I didn't see Ivan's true nature; I didn't know better. Love really makes one a blind fool…"

Tino let out a quiet bitter laugh, and his tears flowed like they would never stop. Now his story was at the end, there was nothing left to say. Tino squeezed his hands into fists, waiting for Berwald's reaction. It could be anything from disgust to anger to sympathy. Tino didn't know which reaction he yearned for, maybe he wanted proof of his sinful nature, or maybe he wanted understanding. He just didn't know.

Minutes went by, and Tino got more and more tense, so much so his tears stopped for now. Berwald was still quiet, and Tino could tell the man was rigid, his hands fists by his sides. Tino bit his lip, so scared, but his fear momentarily turned to confusion when Berwald slowly got up.

"'Scuse me."

Was all Berwald said, with a strained tone, before walking out. Tino's fear and panic returned at full force, was Berwald so disgusted he couldn't even be in Tino's presence anymore? Or was he going to Mr. Hålberg to tell that Tino indeed loved men? Maybe this had been a mistake, Tino should've-

CRASH!

Tino jumped at the sudden sound that came from outside, it sounded like wood hitting against wood. Hard. Moments later Berwald came back in, and Tino jumped up from the bed when he saw that the Swede was nursing his shoulder. Tino rushed over to Berwald, forgetting his fear for a moment over his concern for Berwald's well-being.

"What on Earth was that for?! What did you do? Oh no, your shoulder…"

Tino reached out to touch Berwald's shoulder carefully, but before he could Berwald took Tino's hand into his. Tino looked into the man's ocean eyes, they had an intense look and Tino found he couldn't look away. Berwald's eyes spoke volumes, they told Tino all about his anger and sorrow and sympathy and regret. Tino didn't even need words, just Berwald's eyes brought new tears to his own. But Berwald felt like he needed to, for once, voice his thoughts. Tino needed to hear it, since it sounded like no one had been there to support the Finn for so long.

"'S not yer fault, 's Ivan's. Ya d'serve h'ppin'ss, an' so do yer fr'ends."

Berwald tried to express as much of his feelings in his words, it was hard, but Tino understood. He understood Berwald so well. Tears began falling from Tino's eyes again, more slowly this time. Tino tried to keep his lips from trembling as he smiled ever so slightly and he nodded, squeezing Berwald's hand. Tino hadn't had any idea how much he had needed to hear words of compassion. All these years he had blamed himself, Ivan's poisonous words had taken root in him and had stopped Tino from blaming the one actually responsible. But now it was like Berwald's words broke through the wall of self-hate, that Tino had put up. They didn't make the wall disappear, not by a long shot, but Tino could believe Berwald's words. That was an excellent start, it was another ray of hope for the broken Finn. Tino let out one quiet sob, and Berwald gently pulled Tino a bit closer, so he could stroke his hair with his free hand. Tino allowed it and let the sensation soothe his chaotic mind. Though it was much less chaotic now that Tino knew Berwald wasn't disgusted by him, or against him.

"I don't deserve you…"

Tino muttered quietly, his eyes closed now. He hadn't meant to say it out loud, and when Tino realized he had deep blush appeared on his cheeks and he quickly opened his eyes.

"I-I mean, I d-don't deserve to..to be treated this kindly. By you. Yes."

Tino tried to cover for his words, because even if Berwald accepted Tino loving men that didn't mean the Swede wanted Tino to be in love with him specifically. And Tino's words had strongly suggested just that.

Tino blinked in surprise, when Berwald cupped his right cheek, wiping away some tears with his thumb. Berwald's expression was calm and stoic like always, but when he spoke his voice was so full of tenderness it nearly hurt.

"Ya d'serve the world."

***

"Mr. Braginsky? Um, you have a visitor in the lobby. Seems to be a messenger, has a personal message to you."

Tolys, Ivan's Lithuanian assistant, said timidly, as he carefully opened the door to his employer's office. Ivan was having one of his good days, so no objects came flying towards Tolys' head. Instead Ivan just lifted his head and with a child-like smile he stood up and waltzed out, even giving Tolys' head a pat as he went. That creeped Tolys out, and a shiver went through his body as he waited until Ivan was out of sight. Tolys quietly slipped into the office and headed straight to the desk. Tolys looked over all the papers on top of it, making sure not to touch anything initially. Tolys was looking for any information that could help Eduard and his friends. Tolys and Eduard had befriended each other when the Estonian had worked with Tolys, and now the Lithuanian worked as a secret informant. Whenever information regarding Tino, Lukas, Matthias or Eduard came in Tolys would go through it, send the information forward to another informant, and then that process would rinse and repeat.

Tolys didn't see any new information, although the letter Ivan had been writing looked promising. Tolys peeked at it and paled, quickly rushing out of the office. He needed to send a letter to Eduard quickly before it was too late.

The words on the letter said:

'The traitors' nest is located. Intercept as soon as possible. Make them disappear'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Lithuania is not Toris, but Tolys. It's a personal preference of mine to use the actual existing Lithuanian name rather than the Japanese version, I'm sorry if it bothers some people. Just bear with me, he is here only a couple of times and then he will have served his purpose.
> 
> What did you guys think of Tino's backstory? I'm sorry if you expected something more dramatic or traumatizing. Although I think an emotionally and physically abusive partner can be pretty traumatizing, especially when you are blinded by affection and downplay everything that happened only to be hit with the weight of it all later. As you can see, it messed Tino up pretty good.


	13. If Friends Care for One Another

Tino's life story had been a lot to take in, Berwald was not going to deny that. It wasn't among the worst Berwald had heard or seen, because world was a cruel place and life as cruel of a mistress. But Berwald had seen first-hand how it all had affected Tino, he saw how broken the Finn was. From fear, guilt, regret and sorrow. The depth of Berwald's feelings had been proven further by Tino sharing his story, and while listening to the Finn's story Berwald had felt like his heart was breaking.

One thing was certain; Berwald's feelings for Tino hadn't changed in the slightest. Rather now they were even stronger. Tino wasn't a mystery anymore, he was Tino Väinämöinen, son of Touko and Päivi Väinämöinen, and he was from Southern Finland. He was wanted by the government and on the run from the law, but he was innocent, and he was the man that Berwald was in love with.

And now Berwald was going to help Tino.

Berwald and Tino, after Tino had calmed down and could talk and breathe properly again, were discussing what Tino should do. The date on the letter was just over a week away, and the place stated on the letter was right by the border on Sweden's side. Berwald knew the place, he had travelled near it when he had arrived in Finland.

"'S not far aw'y, two d'ys by hors'."

Berwald explained, pointing out the place on a worn-out map that Tino had dug out from his closet. Tino nodded a bit, it was late evening and they were sitting in Tino's cabin, illuminated by candlelight and the fireplace.

"But I still don't have enough money to pay a smuggler to get me across the border…"

Tino muttered quietly, biting his nails while in thought. He had counted on there being a lot more time to collect the sum needed. Tino still needed at least a month to get the money and even then, it would take every last penny he had.

Berwald frowned a bit, considering along with Tino, and after few minutes of silence Berwald was the one to break it.

"I'll take ya ther'."

Tino blanched and looked at Berwald, his eyes wide and mouth slightly open. Had Berwald really just said that?

"No! Don't be ridiculous, Berwald! If they catch you smuggling a person across the border, we'll both go to Siberia, or worse!"

Tino shook his head fervently, a fearful look in his eyes. The last thing he wanted was for Berwald to get mixed up in his mess. Or, well, even more mixed up. The man was already in deeper than Tino would've preferred.

Berwald shook his head as well and put a hand on Tino's shoulder. His eyes were determined and Tino could guess there was nothing he could say to talk Berwald out of this.

"I hav' the pap'rs that get me acr'ss. They kn'w me at the bord'r, they won' susp'ct me."

Tino was still not certain, of course he wasn't. The punishment for smuggling was no joke. But something about Berwald's unwavering resolve and the supportive hand on Tino's shoulder made the Finn feel like he could entrust himself to the Swede. Even if it endangered them both.

"But still…you getting hurt is the last thing I want."

Tino said with a concerned tone. After the words left his lips Tino realized how intimate they sounded and he blushed slightly, averting his eyes back to the map in front of them. Tino rolled it back up, they didn't need it anymore for now, and stood up. Had he looked at Berwald Tino could've seen how the Swede's ears got red.

Tino stood up and shuffled over to his closet, it was a rather large walk-in closet where he also stored his paintings. Tino made sure to close the door almost shut after entering to Berwald wouldn't see the inside and he slid the map back to its place on the back shelf. But the closet was dark and as Tino turned his head hit a stack of his paintings on the upper shelf and they toppled on the Finn. Tino let out a yelp and covered his head as five canvases fell to the floor with loud clatter.

"T'no?"

Berwald hollered, and before Tino could yell that he was okay the Swede opened the door and looked inside. His eyes widened a bit, when he saw the amount of paintings inside the closet. Tino had been busy painting, since he had renewed his love for art recently and had tried to fight his aversion to paint people. Tino blushed in embarrassment, Berwald already knew that he painted and now he even knew how Tino had started it, so there was really no need to hide the paintings. But Tino was still a bit paranoid and self-conscious, especially since several of the paintings were just images of Berwald or his ocean eyes. Those were safely tucked away on a shelf behind Tino's back though, there was no way the Finn was letting Berwald see them.

"I-I'm alright, just knocked down some paintings."

Tino explained with a small stutter and leaned down to pick the paintings up. Berwald followed in suit and picked up the canvas closest to him. It was a simple painting of the village square, mostly black and white, and in the painting it was daytime instead of night like usual. But Tino had accented the snow with some blue and light yellow. Berwald looked at the painting for a while, and Tino in turn looked at Berwald, nervous about the man's reaction. Tino was pleasantly surprised, when he saw a small smile on Berwald's lips, and he looked at Tino over the canvas.

"Be'utiful."

Tino blushed at the compliment, especially since Berwald looked at him when he said it. Naturally Berwald meant the painting, that was what he had stared at for almost a minute, after all.

"Can ya…tell me ab'ut it?"

Tino blinked, surprised that Berwald had any interest in art, and then he smiled widely while nodding eagerly.

"Sure!"

Tino loved explaining his thoughts and motives behind each of his works, what he had thought while painting them and what he tried to convey with each brush stroke. Tino moved to stand next to Berwald, for once not blushing at the closeness, and hovered his hand near the canvas as he pointed at different parts of the painting.

"See this part here? I layered the paint so it would look like sunlight captured on the snow's surface. Here I tried to duplicate the cabin's worn, rustic outlook by dapping the paint instead of brushing it. I have always felt the village gives one a feeling of melancholy and isolation, which is why I left empty white spaces between the cabins and the sky is blanc. I hope I was able to convey that properly. Oh! And here- "

Tino kept going until he had gone through his creation process for the painting. Berwald found it all very interesting, he even asked few questions. Berwald enjoyed art but had never been passionate about it, not in the way Tino clearly was. But Tino's enthusiasm was contagious, and soon Berwald found that he wanted to know more about the other paintings as well.

Berwald let his eyes roam the closet space, and one painting caught his eye. It seemed to carry a whole different aura compared to the other paintings. Berwald reached for it hesitantly and pulled it in his hands. Tino saw which painting Berwald picked up, and his enthusiastic smile softened. Tino reached out and took a hold of the painting's other edge, holding it together with Berwald.

It was his fire painting.

"Th's is…"

Berwald started but couldn't find the right words to finish that sentence. Tino smiled carefully and nodded a bit, it seemed like Berwald could feel the emotions Tino had put into this painting.

"This is the proof of hope for me."

Tino said, his voice a bit detached as his mind returned to the moment he had painted this painting. It had been the morning after his and Berwald's unspoken moment in the woods, when Tino had thought Berwald would shoot him. Tino chuckled, how foolish had he been back then to be afraid of the Swede. Berwald was one of the kindest people Tino knew.

"Do you remember when we met in the woods, soon after you arrived? You had a gun and I asked you not to shoot me."

Berwald, surprised by the sudden mention of that night, nodded, uncertain of the reason why Tino had brought it up. He still felt guilty for startling the Finn so badly that night, even if it had lead to a nearly magical and unforgettable night.

"I painted this the following morning. I could always see the beauty in everything when I was younger, but after…what happened, I couldn't do that anymore. Everything was just grey, lifeless. Only the night brought me inspiration. But after meeting you in the woods, talking to you about stars, I suddenly could see the beauty in fire again."

Tino explained, his smile slowly widening, and he moved his eyes from the painting to Berwald. There was still a distant look in his eyes.

"You are the reason why I could hope again. Why I was able to paint this, and see the light in the darkness. It's yet another thing I will be eternally thankful for."

Tino didn't even blush, he was too dazed by this moment, by Berwald's eyes, by all the emotions inside himself. Berwald could also sense the shift in the mood, and although his ears became red under the Finn's almost entranced stare the Swede felt braver. Berwald leaned forward slightly, tugging on the painting so Tino would move slightly closer too, and pressed his forehead lightly against the Finn's. Berwald didn't say anything, merely grunted quietly in affirmation of the Finn's sentiment. He kept himself close to Tino for as long as the Finn allowed it, Berwald just didn't want whatever spell had been cast upon them to break yet.

Tino didn't resist Berwald's approach, he didn't want to, and when the Swede's forehead touched his Tino's eyes closed halfway. The grunt was more than enough to convey Berwald's initial feelings, and the rest Tino could see in the Swede's eyes.

The urge to close the short gap between their faces was there, and Tino was tempted to give in to said urge. But he couldn't bring himself to do it, Tino knew that if they kissed now, they would go over a line, that was absolutely forbidden in the eyes of the society and God. Tino had gone over that line and farther before and it had only led to hardship, so the Finn was scared. So very scared. Perhaps Berwald could sense that, because after few minutes of wordless closeness he slowly retreated and let go of his edge of the painting. The spell seemed to be broken, and Tino blushed heavily. He coughed a little and began to slide the painting back to its place.

"W'll ya sleep in my c'bin ton'ght? I don' want ya t' be alon'."

The words came entirely out of the blue and the fire painting fell to the floor with a clatter. Tino looked at Berwald with wide eyes and a face so red Berwald suspected nearly all of Tino's blood supply was packed in the Finn's cheeks.

"B-B-But I-Ivan probably won't a-arrive for a w-while, and I would h-hate to impose and b-besides if the villagers h-heard the ru-rumours would worsen, and..and-"

Tino tried to come up with more excuses not to take up Berwald's offer but cut himself off at the end. Honestly, he wanted to take it up. Tino didn't want to be alone, which Berwald could probably guess. The Swede had proven to be strangely perceptive when it came to Tino. Even now Berwald was calmly waiting for Tino to collect his blubbering self. Tino picked up the fire painting and looked at it for a moment, and then he looked at Berwald. Tino didn't want to lie to himself, he wanted to be taken care of by Berwald, and he wanted to spend time near the Swede. Berwald had given him hope and support and so much joy, so much Tino would never hope to repay it all. But Tino wanted to try, and he could best be of use to Berwald if he was near him. They could always just not tell the villagers Tino was living with Berwald, and if Ivan arrived early (God forbid) he would look in the wrong cabin first and give Tino a chance to make a run for it. Because now Tino had completely discarded his hopeless mentality from earlier. Tino was determined to run, and he was determined to get away. Ivan would never again have any power over him. Tino nodded, still blushing furiously, and although his voice stuttered there was a smile on his face.

"Y-Yes, alright. I-I'll share your cabin with you. U-Until it's time for me to leave."

Berwald nodded as well, and his features were momentarily softened by relief and joy. He wanted to keep Tino near him, somewhere he could protect the Finn and make sure nothing, and no one would hurt him. Berwald now knew Tino had only recently regained the dazzling smile that could light up a room, and the Swede was determined to protect it at any cost.

"I h've a sp're mattr'ss and bl'nkets, j'st grab som' cloth's an' we can go."

Berwald's tone wasn't commanding despite his blunt words, Tino knew Berwald merely preferred to use as little words as possible. So Tino didn't feel pressured or rushed, he packed his clothes in his own pace and Berwald helped, as patient and calm as ever. There was a comfortable silence, occasionally broken by Tino when he remarked something or simply said something that popped to his mind. Tino loved how easy it was, how he didn't feel pressured to keep up a conversation.

"There we go! Well then, shall we go?"

Tino lifted his bag quickly before Berwald could pick it up (he had already been reaching for it), and he looked at the Swede sternly.

"Don't even think about it! I swear, sometimes I think you don't even want that shoulder of yours to heal. What did you even break to irritate it so badly?"

Tino asked that, as they stepped out the door, and he peered around the yard area for whatever Berwald had broken. Berwald looked embarrassed and rubbed his neck, bringing out Kukkamuna over to the sleigh.

"Let's j'st say…ya lost f'w boards but g't a lot of f'rewood."

Tino's laughter echoed in the forest as he and Berwald made their way towards their new shared residence.

***

"Aaaaaand…checkmate!"

Matthias declared proudly, as he set down his queen by Emil's king on the chessboard. There was a triumphant smile on his face, while Emil's expression was sullen.

"Wow, you won against a teenager. What a big accomplishment."

Emil muttered sarcastically and turned his face away, not wanting to admit his bitterness. Why was Matthias so good at chess when he seemed like such an idiot? It was almost unfair how misleading it was…

"Hell, yeah it's an accomplishment, you're real smart, Em."

Matthias grinned, when his compliment seemed to soften up the younger man, who muttered something along the lines of "stupid" while hiding a small blush. But he meant it, Emil was very smart, in a few years Matthias might actually lose big time if Emil kept training his strategy.

"Don't worry Emil, I will avenge you."

Lukas said with a deadpan expression and a teasing tone, as he hugged his baby brother from behind. Emil tried to wiggle away, but his heart wasn't in it. The teen hadn't seen his brother (and all his other unofficial brothers) in such a long time that any attention that he got from them made Emil happy. Not that he'd ever admit it, if he did Lukas would never leave Emil alone.

"Give me a break, Norge. Every time we play you kick my ass; I don't want Emil to see that uncool side of me."

Matthias whined jokingly and looked at the brothers affectionately. Ever since Emil had showed up few weeks prior Lukas had been all over the teen, and Emil hadn't exactly turned his big brother's affections away whole-heartedly. Matthias knew how much Lukas cared about Emil and he had witnessed first-hand how anxious and torn Lukas had been about being separated from his brother. So being able to see the brothers together for the first time in years was heart-warming.

"You can beat Matthias? I want to see that."

Emil answered Lukas, and there was a small cheeky grin on his face. That grin was mirrored on Lukas' face, and for a brief moment the brothers looked nearly identical. But then Eduard stormed in, out of breath and eyes wide, and all three occupants of the room turned to look at the man with confused expressions.

"We need to go, now!"

Matthias frowned and stood up, as the panicking Estonian ran across the small room and into his own room. He emerged soon after with bags full of books and clothes, they all kept some bags packed in their rooms in case they needed to leave quickly. When Matthias and Lukas saw those bags, they were alarmed, and Matthias grabbed Eduard's shoulder.

"Ed, calm the hell down, where's the fire?"

"I got a letter! From Tolys! They've found us!"

Now Emil shot up from his chair as well, and without a word Lukas walked into his and Matthias' room and pulled out the bags they had in there. Emil did the same and brought out the bag Lukas had told him not to unpack in case this happened. Matthias' frown deepened, and his hands became fists.

"Helvede! This is one shitty timing! We can't go off-radar now, we need to meet Tino in less than a week!"

"Can't we, I don't know, hide out somewhere near the meeting place?"

Emil tried to keep his tone neutral and calm, but he couldn't entirely hide his desperation. He just wanted Tino with them, safe and sound, so they could all leave Sweden and get as far away from Russia as possible.

Lukas slowly shook his head, there was pain in his eyes, when he realized what they had to do.

"We don't have a safe house near there, and it's too close to the border. Too many Russian spies around. Tino will have to…make do."

It clearly pained Lukas to say those words, and for once it showed on his face, where there was a frown. Matthias cursed some more and kicked one of the chairs near him. Eduard looked grim and conflicted, and Emil looked sad.

"How will Tino find us?"

Emil said quietly, voicing the question everyone had in their minds. If they had to disappear then there was no way for Tino to find them, and once Tino arrived in Sweden he'd have to disappear as well, so they wouldn't be able to find Tino either. Not unless Ivan found the man again and Tolys informed them of his whereabouts, but then this situation might only repeat itself.

"I know how."

Lukas said after almost five minutes of heavy silence, and everyone else looked at him with confused but hopeful expressions. Lukas' face betrayed no emotion, although Matthias and Emil could see some traces of consideration in his eyes.

"I have an idea. But before I share, we need to desert this place and move on. If they've found us, they might come at any moment."

The others had no objections, they had learned to trust Lukas' judgement by now, he was the most intelligent among them, after all. In less than 10 minutes they had left, leaving the house looking like no one had lived there in years. And when the Russian hitmen arrived the next day they were greeted with empty rooms and no clues as to where their targets had disappeared to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helvede = Means "Hell" in Danish


	14. But We Clench Our Teeth and Rise

The first thing Tino noticed was the looks.

He could feel them on him whenever he was in the village, heavy and cold, and it felt as though they followed him all the way to the cabin. Tino didn't like being the centre of attention, he was the observer, so the villagers' gazes made shivers run up and down his spine. Tino felt like he had moved 5 years into the past to when he had still been new, a rarity and a target of suspicion.

That was the second thing Tino noticed, and even Berwald noticed it. The attitude of the villagers, or at least most of them. They treated Tino coldly, and even though Berwald was still treated with respect the villagers had less patience with the Swede's accent and some even disobeyed the directions Berwald gave them. That was very strange, when up until now the villagers had trusted Berwald to know better.

The change was subtle but quick, happening over the course of few days after Tino moved to Berwald's cabin. Tino suspected the villagers might've found out about it, but when he asked Raini the man said no one was saying anything like that. And Tino was sure that if everyone really did know about Tino living with Berwald it would be a much bigger rumour and Raini would've heard about it.

"But…I think I know why people are acting like this towards you…"

Raini admitted quietly, looking at Tino timidly. The two were standing in the shadows between the houses again, the afternoon was starting to turn into evening and the dark would soon fall. Which meant the shadows were dark and heavy and covered Tino and Raini perfectly.

"Really? Well, tell me, good man! I cannot stand being glared at anymore…"

Tino rubbed his arms as another shiver went down his spine. It really felt like the gazes clung to him even when they weren't there.

Raini glanced around once more, making sure no one wouldn't hear, and whispered his next words.

"They say Urho saw you two embracing in your cabin few days ago."

Tino's eyes widened, and he was thankful for the shadow when he could feel his cheeks redden a bit. And the very next moment he paled, when he realized what this meant. The rumours had backing now, actual evidence. Earlier they had been speculation, something people had entertained themselves and others with. But now that one of the members of the community had personal experience it was different. Especially if it was Urho, the man was known for never lying or making things up for rumours. If Urho had actually been at the cabin Tino wasn't surprised neither he nor Berwald had noticed, since they had been occupied in the very embrace Urho had seen. From the door that they had left open. Oh no…

Now Tino understood perfectly why the villagers were so cold to him and Berwald and why they glared. They were all God-fearing people, who had no mercy for those who went against what He intended. And if they decided to take matters into their own hands Tino was sure his place in the community would be all but forgotten.

"Tino? Tino, please tell me it isn't true. If it is then- "

"Raini."

Tino didn't let the man finish, he knew what the man was going to say. Tino looked Raini in the eye, he was panicking but he had enough reason in him to at least try and save his friend.

"You and me never had this talk, or any of our previous talk that had to do with this, alright? And if the villagers turn against us you can't stand up for us. If they think you're with us they won't spare you. Especially because of what happened with your older brother. Do you understand, Raini?"

Tino tried to sound stern and authoritative, but he sounded more like he was begging. Which he was. Tino wouldn't forgive himself if something happened to Raini because of him. Raini deserved none of what had befallen him, and Tino wasn't about to add to that burden.

Raini looked like he might cry and protest, but hesitantly he nodded. It looked like just that simple movement physically hurt him, he didn't want to abandon his only friend if the worst happened.

"Good. Thank you, Raini. For everything."

And with that Tino hugged Raini, probably for the last time. Because he and Berwald would be gone soon enough, and Tino didn't know if he would get another moment in private like this with Raini. Raini hugged back with all he had, perhaps he sensed that Tino was saying his goodbyes.

"Thank you for being my friend."

Tino held back tears, their time would be later, and he could cry them against Berwald's shoulder.

Tino pulled back and gave Raini a small, tired smile.

"It's about time we went back. Mr. Hålberg will be looking for you, and I need to find Berwald."

'I need to find Berwald and tell him about this.'

Raini nodded, and left before Tino. Tino remained in the shadows a moment longer, collecting himself. He needed to remain strong for just a bit longer. It was getting harder and harder as days, months and years went by, but Tino knew, that soon he might very well be free of Ivan. Tino could see his friends and they could go together, somewhere far away from Russia and Ivan, somewhere…

Somewhere where Berwald wouldn't be.

That thought hurt Tino much more than he would've wanted, it felt like his heart was being ripped apart. But Tino couldn't bring Berwald with him, couldn't make the Swede an exile. Berwald had a job, a life, and Tino didn't have a place in that life. That thought alone nearly made Tino burst into tears, but he had prepared himself for this pain. Life went on, so would Berwald and so would Tino. Eventually.

Tino breathed in, breathed out, and slowly walked back into the sun.

***

"Сколько времени это займет?"

"Два дня. Не намного дольше."

Two days. How could two days feel like an eternity? Two days made Ivan feel like bashing his lieutenant's head in, made him feel like shooting the three soldiers accompanying them. But he had to remain patient, had to keep up the façade. Tino wasn't going anywhere, he didn't know Ivan was coming and couldn't run. Why would he run? No, Tino should be overjoyed that Ivan was coming for him, Tino should run into Ivan's arms the moment the Finn laid his eyes upon him and never leave. That was the least Tino could do after abandoning Ivan like he had…

Ivan squeezed the pipe that was safely tucked under his coat. His hands itched to use it on something, or someone. Anyone.

They had been traveling for several days now, and Ivan didn't allow any excessive breaks. Only the bare minimum amount. The scenery around them was starting to all look the same. Same fields, same evergreen forests, same puny villages with the same villagers, that all had that same expression of fearful respect. Finland really was worthless. The people were so used to being under someone they didn't even care anymore who it was. As long as that someone didn't make their lives too difficult. They had no national pride, it was disgusting for someone like Ivan, who would gladly lay down his life for his country and tsar. Hell, some of these people had the gall to call the tsar the king, because they didn't know the difference. For them a ruler was a ruler no matter what the title.

Pathetic, spineless commoners.

But among the swine was the pearl, his Tino. Tino, who could see beauty even in someone like Ivan. Tino, who had all but worshipped Ivan. Tino, whose heart was much too large for his own good.

That heart would belong to only Ivan after this crusade was over.

Ivan snapped the reigns of his horse and quickly rode ahead, not even caring if his men caught up to him. He wanted to hurry, he wanted to get this over with. He wanted Tino in his arms and he wanted to never let go.

***

"Urho s'w us?!"

It was very unusual for Berwald to raise his voice, and thus when the Swede exclaimed in surprise it made Tino jump on the chair he was sitting on. It had been a while since Berwald's naturally scary tone and scowl made him jump, it would've made Tino feel nostalgic had the situation not been quite severe.

"Y-yes, Raini told me. It's why the villagers have been treating us differently. They don't just suspect that something is going on, they're starting to believe it."

Tino's tone got increasingly worried as he voiced his thoughts, and it showed. He fiddled with his coffee cup but didn't drink any, his stomach was currently knotted up from stress. Berwald was pacing along the length of the cabin, and he had a worried frown on his face. Tino had recently become capable of discerning between the different types of scowls on Berwald's face, and seeing this particular one was never good. Berwald was usually the one to stay calm no matter what.

"…Sh'uld we leave e'rly?"

Berwald asked after some more pacing, and Tino looked up at the Swede's turbulent eyes. Tino had considered the same option, the village was now turning unsafe for them. And if the villagers learned that Tino was actually sharing Berwald's cabin…The Finn didn't even want to think about it.

But they couldn't leave, not quite yet.

"Perhaps we should. But…not quite yet. Let's leave the day after tomorrow, in the afternoon. I still have one more thing left to do."

Berwald hesitated but nodded, and didn't ask Tino what he was planning on doing. If it was important Tino would tell him. Tino smiled at Berwald gratefully and looked down at his now cold coffee, taking a sip. He had calmed down enough to keep it down, hopefully.

Berwald also poured himself a cup, and the two sat in a companionable silence, trying not to glance at each other too much. Thus far their cabin sharing had gone quite well. Berwald slept on the floor on the spare mattress and Tino on the bed, despite the Finn being against robbing the Swede on his bed. Even tonight, after the two finished drinking their coffee and eating, Tino yet again had an argument with Berwald over who should sleep on the bed.

"Like I said, it's not good on your shoulder if you sleep on the hard floor! Take the damn bed, Berwald!"

Tino was getting sick of Berwald being so kind, since it happened to put the Swede's own well-being in jeopardy. But Berwald was just as stubborn as Tino and crossed his arms, standing his ground like a mountain.

"'M str'ng an' st'rdy, it won' kill me. Ya get s'ck easy, we can' risk it when we're 'bout to go on a l'ng journ'y."

Tino groaned in frustration and glared up at Berwald, although the Swede had to stifle a smile because Tino looked endearing even when angry. Tino tapped his foot in frustration until he finally exclaimed, giving up.

"Fine! I'm not your wife, see if I care if you ache or get sick."

Tino pouted and promptly turned around, diving under the covers in quite the juvenile fashion. Berwald couldn't help it, he chuckled, because they both knew that Tino didn't mean his words. Tino cared immensely, and was already starting to feel bad for what he had said.

Berwald followed Tino's example and took his place on the mattress after throwing some more wood into the fireplace. It was very unpleasant to wake up to a chilly cabin, especially when you slept on the floor where the cold settled first.

After few minutes of silence and the wood crackling Tino peeked his head out from under the covers, glancing at Berwald's dark figure on the floor.

"I'm sorry Berwald. Good night."

He whispered, and Berwald answered with a gentle grunt of forgiveness. Not that he had been angry in the first place, and although Tino could guess that he still wanted to apologize, if only to soothe his own guilt. There was a smile on Berwald's face, because Tino was more precious than he could even describe.

Both men fell asleep with their backs facing each other, but small smiles on their faces.

***

Berwald woke up in the middle of the night to a slight chill and Tino's distressed groaning and mumbling. Berwald opened his eyes to a dark cabin and quickly sat up, looking around for the threat. But Berwald saw nothing in the dying light from the fireplace. Instead he saw Tino tossing and turning on the bed, clearly still asleep. But as Berwald carefully stood and walked over to him he saw that there was a deep frown of distress on the Finn's face. Berwald's mirrored it, and he knew Tino was having quite the nightmare for the reaction to be this severe. Tino had the habit of moving a lot in his sleep, Berwald had noticed that during the Finn's brief stay, but it hadn't been nearly this bad before. Berwald reached his hand out and set it on Tino's shoulder in order to shake the man awake, but just that light touch was able to make the Finn's eyes shoot open. Tino sat up with a short yell, a panicked look in his eyes. Berwald rushed to calm the Finn down, sitting beside him on the bed and gently squeezing his shoulder.

"'S me. Don' w'rry, 's just me."

Tino blinked rapidly, staring at Berwald with unseeing eyes for a moment. But then recognition flashed in his lavender eyes, and Tino slowly relaxed. He took few deep breaths, there was cold sweat all over his brow.

"B-Berwald…i-it was..it was a dream about…I-Ivan…"

Tino didn't need to say anything more, Berwald merely pulled the Finn closer and carefully held him against his side, putting one of his arms around the man's shoulders. Tino leaned into the touch without inhibitions, too tired to try and block the urge to seek support from the Swede. He sighed deeply and, as subtly as possible, breathed in Berwald's scent. It always managed to calm him down, like magic.

They stayed in this position for a while, until eventually Berwald attempted to move back to his mattress. But he was stopped by Tino, who grabbed onto his arm with a borderline desperate look on his face.

"Berwald, c-could you please…stay beside me? At least u-until I fall asleep again. I-I'm still…I feel like if you're here…he won't show up again."

Tino could feel his cheeks get red, but thankfully it wasn't discernible in the dim cabin. Berwald's whole face flushed as well but he grunted, agreeing, and after adding some wood to the fire he joined Tino in the bed. At first, he tried to keep his distance and let Tino have his space. But Tino sighed softly, and carefully snuggled close to Berwald, trying not to be too clingy. Berwald stiffened for a short moment, unsure what he was supposed to (or allowed to) do. But Tino fixed those doubts for him, as the Finn shyly reached for Berwald's hand and held it in his own. Berwald interlaced their fingers, which brought a small happy smile to Tino's face, and they both closed their eyes. But before either of them drifted to sleep Tino spoke, his voice partly muffled by the blanket.

"C-Could you go to town without me tomorrow after leaving me to my own cabin? I have something I need to do, and I have to do it before we leave this place."

Berwald yet again grunted in affirmation, but his curiosity got the best of him and before he could shut himself up the question came out.

"Wh't're ya gonna do?"

Berwald's tone wasn't insistent, and left Tino plenty of space not to answer or give only a vague answer. But Tino had decided to only tell Berwald the truth from now on, and omitting information was lying in its own way. He squeezed Berwald's hand a bit before answering.

"I'm going to burn my paintings."

Berwald looked down at Tino with a frown, but the Finn was staring stubbornly at the Swede's chest, knowing that Berwald would protest. And he knew that if he let the Swede try and talk him out of it Tino just might yield, and they couldn't have that.

"It has to be done. Ivan will search the cabin, and he would find them. He might use them to further incriminate me, it's too risky. I have to destroy the evidence."

Berwald wanted to protest, he really did. Tino's paintings were beautiful, a gift to the world (much like the man himself), but Tino was also right. It was frustrating but true. Berwald huffed, not satisfied, and instinctively pulled Tino a bit closer to himself.

"I'll c'me with ya."

Berwald knew that burning the paintings would hurt Tino, the man put a part of himself in every single piece he painted. Tino had told Berwald that, and much more.

Now Tino looked up, a look of determination in his eyes as he peered into Berwald's as stubbornly as he had looked at his chest just a moment ago.

"No. If neither of us show up to the village it will be suspicious. We have to keep living like nothing is wrong. You can tell them I'm cutting down trees, or that I have other work. I can do it, Berwald. I've done it many times before."

Yet again Tino was right. Why did he have to be right? Berwald was frustrated that he couldn't be there to shield Tino from the hurt when he had to watch small pieces of himself burn. Berwald's frown deepened, but any remnant of fear that Tino might've once felt because of it was gone. His gentle giant would never hurt him, Berwald was just worried. So, so worried. And Tino loved him for it. Tino smiled a small, vaguely sad smile and brushed Berwald's hand with his thumb.

"I will be fine. And I will be here waiting for you when you get back."

Those words put Berwald more at ease, just the thought of Tino smiling at him the moment he walked through the door was enough to make Berwald happy. The Swede hoped that could be his every day. An idea came to him, and he voiced it with the smallest of smirks on his face.

"Like a w'fe?"

Tino snorted and a blush spread on his cheeks, Berwald had a surprising playful side the Swede sometimes showed. Usually in the form of puns and random quips such as that. Tino hid the small amused smile on his face and gave Berwald's chest a weak punch.

"You wish. I would be quite the catch."

Well, Tino wished it too, but it would never happen. Two men couldn't marry, it was only an impossible dream. Tino would give anything to be able to dress in white for his love and give his heart and very soul to him, for all eternity. Because Tino was sure even death wouldn't be able to tear them apart.

Little did Tino know Berwald had very similar thoughts, and the Swede had to hold himself back from pulling Tino into an embrace. He had to settle for squeezing the Finn's hand, and saying the quiet words that swirled in his mind.

"If ya were my w'fe I'd nev'r leav' ya."

Tino's heart nearly stopped, and then it began beating at such a rapid rate the Finn was sure it would come right out of his chest. His entire face and neck flushed, and Tino slowly pressed his forehead against Berwald's chest, so the Swede wouldn't see the wide, giddy smile on his face. Tino had been suspecting it for a while, but perhaps…Berwald felt the same way he did. Judging from his words, actions and the way Berwald's heart was beating Tino dared to believe his hunch. But neither of them would say it, or at least not Tino. He was too scared, he didn't dare. But for now, in this quiet cocoon of theirs under the blanket, Tino let himself believe they were two lovers, sharing the same heartbeat.

"I'd like that."

Tino whispered very quietly, and after that neither of them said anything. They listened to each other's breathing and heartbeats, and slowly they both fell asleep, their fingers still intertwined like they would never let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Сколько времени это займет? = How long will it take?
> 
> Два дня. Не намного дольше = Two days. Not much longer


	15. Under the North Star

A storm was raging outside, but Lukas barely paid it any mind despite the noise and very obvious draft. He was glaring intensely at a large piece of paper before him, pinned to a large flat board on an easel, like it was his hated enemy and he was planning an assassination against it. Lukas had sketched few faint lines on the paper, they were like the skeletal structure of the image he wanted to create. But Lukas was stuck now, he didn't know where to begin. Painting from real life like this was Tino's forte, and although Lukas wasn't hopeless at it, he always found himself anxious when he couldn't escape behind subjective colours and forms that didn't have to emulate reality.

Lukas sighed deeply and leaned forward until his forehead hit the paper and the board it was pinned on. Lukas wanted to bang his head against it until he got an idea, any idea, but of course that wouldn't work. Muse was a fickle mistress, which was something all artists knew very well.

"Are you trying to start a fight with the paper? 'Cos if you are then count me in, never trusted the darn things."

Lukas didn't even have the energy to react to Matthias' bad joke, the Norwegian merely turned his head enough so he could send a small glare at the grinning Dane at the door. Matthias walked over to Lukas and draped a blanket on his lover's shoulders. Lukas hadn't even realized he had been cold and wrapped the blanket tightly around himself, grateful for the warmth it provided. Matthias tentatively wrapped his own arms around Lukas' shoulders as well, and the Norwegian didn't push him off. Any extra warmth was welcomed, and right now Matthias' closeness wasn't too bad either.

"This is not something I'm good at, it's frustrating."

Lukas voiced quietly, still glaring at the paper. Lukas didn't like to admit his weaknesses or feelings, but right now he wanted to rant. Matthias hummed a bit in thought and put his chin on Lukas' shoulders, also looking at the paper. To him it looked like a great start, but every artist saw their own work differently in comparison to others'.

"Now you know how I feel whenever I hold a paint brush."

Matthias said with a gentle teasing tone, and Lukas nudged him in the ribs with his elbow. Matthias snickered; joking was all he had since he couldn't really give any practical advice on this. It was up to Lukas to find the right motivation and inspiration.

"Tino's life might depend on this, don't joke."

Lukas muttered angrily, not taking his eyes away from the paper. Matthias felt a twinge of guilt, everyone had been so grim, so Matthias had tried to keep at least some cheer in the air. Perhaps now was the time to tone it down a bit. But the same could be said about Lukas.

"You know, I have a feeling you have tunnel vision right now. That's why you can't see what to do next. Come to bed, take a nap, and continue in the morning."

Lukas shook his head, but while he did, he also yawned, which betrayed the fact that the Norwegian was indeed dead tired. Matthias smiled and unfurled his arms from around Lukas in order to take the man's hand. Lukas glared tiredly at Matthias, but the Dane was unaffected. He tugged Lukas away from the easel and out the door, and hesitantly Lukas let him. Matthias was usually right in situations like this. And Lukas, once in bed with Matthias, was content to fall asleep surrounded by his lover's warmth.

Couple of hours later Lukas awakened within Matthias' arms, and just like Matthias had predicted, Lukas' mind was now clear. He quickly sat up and after giving Matthias' head a light kiss Lukas walked out the room and back to that cursed paper. The moment Lukas picked up the pen his mind was vibrant with inspiration and the piece basically drew itself. Four hours later Lukas had before him a finished image, which he then handed over to Eduard.

Time to set their plan in motion.

***

The morning following Tino's nightmare was quite awkward, but not entirely in a bad way.

Tino woke up first, Berwald's hand still in his. But Tino was a restless sleeper and had changed his position drastically while sleeping. So, when he opened his bleary eyes Tino noticed he now had his head on top of Berwald's chest, and one of his legs was wedged between Berwald's. Right after recovering from his bleariness Tino realized how intimate the position in fact was, and he blushed profusely. It took all Tino's willpower not to jump away or worse, shove Berwald away. That would've been a very rude way to wake someone up. Instead Tino tried to carefully extract himself from the embrace, he had experience in this since Tino had often slept with Emil when they had been younger, and Emil was a light sleeper. At first Tino was doing well, he disentangled his fingers from Berwald's, and Tino ignored the lonely feeling he got without Berwald's hand in his. Tino lifted his head gently and kept it close to Berwald's, while he started wiggling his leg free. But apparently Tino's skills were rusty, because when Tino was halfway from slipping his leg out from between Berwald's legs the Swede groaned quietly, and his eyes fluttered open. Tino froze, and so did Berwald after he blinked few times. Their faces were quite close to each other, and even though they had been even closer during the night it was very different in daylight. This wasn't hidden by darkness or veiled by the lingering fear of a nightmare. This was very real and very bare. Both men blushed, and Tino didn't bother being careful anymore and just quickly scooted away.

"G-good morning, Berwald! Um, s-sleep well?"

Tino asked, stuttering from embarrassment, and tried to smile cheerily. He didn't succeed and instead looked even more nervous and tense. Berwald cleared his throat and carefully sat up, his face redder than Tino had ever seen it before. Tino remembered what he had thought right before falling asleep, about Berwald perhaps loving him back, but banished those thoughts. They were not meant for daylight hours.

"Go'd. An' you? Sleep w'll?"

Berwald asked in kind, trying not to look Tino in the eyes. Tino also cleared his throat and jumped up from the bed, doing some exaggerated stretching moves to banish at least some of the embarrassment. It didn't work. But Berwald did catch a sliver of pale skin as Tino's shirt rode up, and the Swede blushed even redder, ashamed of the indecent thoughts that had entered his mind. He blamed it on the mood and situation.

"Very well, thank you! I didn't have any other unpleasant dreams, which is always nice. Um, I'll get the coffee going, alright? It looks like we'll have to hurry, sun is up which means work has begun."

Tino blabbered and sauntered over to the stove to get the coffee pan and grounds. Neither he nor Berwald could get their day started without at least one cup of coffee and Tino prepared the coffee quickly with practiced movements. The Finn was so used to it the action did little to distract his thoughts from the Swede right behind him.

The rest of the morning continued with pleasant tension in the air, and every time Tino and Berwald got near each other they both blushed and butterflies appeared in their stomachs. Not even the blackest coffee could've banished those darn things at this point, Tino was sure. And he was starting to accept that he never wanted them to disappear, they felt wonderful. It felt wonderful to feel this way, and it would've been even more wonderful had Tino known if Berwald felt the same or not.

The two made their way outside only 30 minutes after waking up, and Tino could've sworn Kukkamuna rolled her eyes, when his and Berwald's hands accidentally touched each other when they got on the sleigh and they both blushed and apologized. The reindeer was used to her two favourite humans fumbling around each other at this point, but this morning they seemed even more awkward than normal. Well, as long as they didn't forget Kukkamuna she didn't care.

Tino ushered Kukkamuna to move, and it only took few short minutes to reach Tino's cabin. The Finn stopped the sleigh but didn't get off immediately. Instead he looked at the cabin, feeling nostalgic all of a sudden. Today was the last day he'd be seeing his home of five years. It didn't feel like home, but it had served Tino well for so long. He had survived the harshest winters of his life in it, as well as his darkest times. Tino wanted to leave and reunite with his friends, there was no doubt about that, but he left room for some melancholy. Towards leaving the cabin, and towards burning his paintings. That was going to hurt the most. But Tino had also found new hope. He would live and he would get to paint an abundance of new paintings for years to come. And he would fill them with joy and laughter as well as tears and pain. But for the next few years of his life Tino would probably bear his broken heart on the canvases, left in shambles without Berwald's strong, large presence.

Berwald observed Tino with a worried look in his eyes, he could see the Finn was hesitating. Berwald hadn't forgotten their discussion from last night, Tino was going to do something that was very hard for him today. And if it was hard on Tino it was hard on Berwald. The Swede touched Tino's shoulder carefully, not blushing this time, and as the Finn turned to look at his gentle giant, he could see the concern on his face. Tino smiled and patted Berwald's hand, finally hopping out of the sleigh.

"I have to do this. And I must do it before the sun gets any higher. I'll wait for you at your cabin, and tomorrow we leave."

Berwald didn't say anything, merely nodded, and hesitantly snapped Kukkamuna's reigns. The reindeer pulled the sleigh away in a steady run, but Berwald and Tino kept their eyes locked until they were out of each other's sights. After that Tino took a deep breath and entered his cabin. The small space was freezing, and some snow had piled up on the floor on top of the broken glass. The window was still broken, Tino and Berwald hadn't had time to fix it properly. Now it didn't matter anymore anyway. By tomorrow evening they would hopefully be almost halfway to the border. Tino pulled out his skis and ski poles along with all of his paintings. It took him three trips from inside to the sled outside to get all the paintings piled and strapped up, and by then the sun was dangerously up. Tino didn't want to risk any people seeing the plume of smoke, so he quickly began to push himself along the snow and towards the Christmas pine.

It was strange how the forest, which up until now had seemed so void of life, was like a whole different place for Tino now. He could see some squirrels racing up and down the tree trunks, birds making quick sprints from one branch to another and even some rabbits digging for roots in the snow. The forest was full of life, that Tino had been blind to before. His mind hadn't let him see it. But now Tino had hope and a chance at a new life, and he was going to take it. That alone was enough to open his eyes and make him smile, as he skied to do the one thing he hated more than anything in the world.

Well, almost anything. Ivan would most probably forever have the top place on that list.

The journey felt a lot shorter than before, and the Christmas pine was in front of Tino in no time. It looked quite nice in the late morning sun, and Tino's crude decorations almost looked presentable.

But Tino had no time to be distracted by beauty, even if he was happy to see it again. He untied the rope around his waist and began piling the paintings into a pile in the middle of the clearing. But the last two paintings, the fire painting and Berwald's eyes, Tino didn't put in the pile. He had a better place for them.

10 minutes later Tino left, and left behind him a blazing pyre of paintings, and a Christmas pine that now had two new decorations. The painting of a flame in the darkness and a pair of ocean eyes on a torn canvas.

***

Berwald's trip to the village was slow and filled with the urge to turn back and be by Tino's side. Just by repeating Tino's reassuring words in his mind did Berwald not do that, because the Finn was right, if the both of them didn't go to the village it would be very suspicious. So, Berwald braced himself as Kukkamuna entered the village square.

It was a good thing Berwald had been mentally prepared, because the villagers' looks hit him like a ton of rocks. Some were frowning, some just had their brows up in quiet curiosity or judgement, and some had an expression that couldn't be deciphered by Berwald's limited social skills. Tino would've probably been able to guess what they were thinking, and Berwald suddenly missed the Finn's presence by his side even more.

Berwald left Kukkamuna by the side of the square and headed to his un-official right hand man, Urho. The same Urho who was responsible for spreading what he had seen. The two men had almost become friends during these last few months, but now Berwald carried a grudge towards the man for what he had done. But he tried not to show it, because Urho certainly wasn't showing if he felt any disgust or other affiliated feelings towards Berwald and Tino. Just like every morning he nodded at Berwald, Berwald nodded back, and then they discussed the plans for the day.

"We can move on with the fortifications on this house's foundations, the ice has thawed enough."

Urho said in his gruff manner, and Berwald grunted an agreement. Many of the houses needed to be worked on from the bottom up, they were in such a poor shape. Berwald felt bad for abandoning his work halfway, but he had given Urho and the other people in the village who knew about construction clear instructions on how to renovate the houses. Berwald wasn't leaving them fend entirely for themselves, he had given them a sound foundation on which to build. Or at least that was what Berwald was telling himself, trying to ease his guilty conscience.

But Berwald had a new priority now, and that priority was keeping Tino safe. Tino came first, no matter what. And if something happened to Tino now that Berwald was at his side the Swede would never be able to live with himself.

"Let's g't to w'rk."

Berwald said, and Urho nodded. There was nothing else left to be said, and each man assembled their own teams and began working on the renovations. But today it felt different, today Berwald didn't have Tino to chat with. The Finn wasn't there to smile or laugh, he wasn't there to stumble on a board that was left on the ground or to chat with the villagers. It was quiet despite it being quite noisy. Everything felt…emptier.

Berwald hadn't even realized how much he relied on Tino, and how big the Finn's presence in his life truly was. The realization was both frightening and joyful. Because now Berwald also realized just how badly he wanted to keep Tino by his side.

The sun was past its halfway point on the sky when they first heard the neighing. Berwald and few other villagers paused their work and turned to look towards the main road that lead out of the village. Next they heard the sound of hooves hitting the ground, and not long after that five men on horseback appeared on the road from behind the trees. Many were instantly suspicious, because their humble little village very rarely got any visitors unless it was about lumber deliveries. And when the riders got close enough everyone, including Berwald, became afraid and on edge. Because the riders were all wearing Russia's military uniforms. Everyone stopped working, and the village women quickly herded the children inside. All the men that were on the square gathered to greet the soldiers, and one man was sent to inform Mr. Hålberg.

The riders stopped few meters away from the group, and the one who had been riding at the front dismounted his horse. His uniform was clearly the fanciest one, he was the leader. And it showed from his straight posture and the way he surveyed the group of men. He looked at them as if they were all just street dogs, not worthy of his time. Instantly all the men in the group hated him, including Berwald.

"Добрый день, gentlemen. I am Подполко́вник Ivan Braginsky from Imperial Russian army. Is someone by the name of Tino Väinämöinen here?"

Ivan's voice was surprisingly light for someone his size, despite being distorted by a very heavy Russian accent. Though his tone was serious there was a strange child-like undertone to it, that made all that heard it feel uneasy. Berwald tensed the moment he heard the man's name, and his hate towards him grew to biblical proportions. Now Berwald had a face for the heartless monster in Tino's past. But while Berwald wanted to rush forward and grab the man by the throat he knew that the situation was severe. Ivan was here earlier than expected, and as Berwald looked at the other men surrounding him he wasn't sure whether or not they were going to sell Tino out or not.

Urho was the first one to step forward, and he crossed his arms defensively. He was almost as tall as Ivan, and seemed to harbour no fear towards the Russian.

"No one by the name Tino here."

Urho said simply, and his tone sounded nothing but truthful. Some of the men in the group looked at each other, probably wondering why Urho was lying, but they said nothing. No one liked Russians here, and even if there were unsavoury rumours about Tino going around they would pick him over some ryssä any day.

Ivan's brow twitched, and a small smile appeared on his face. That smile made everyone's hair stand on end, it made Ivan look so innocent but…sinister.

Ivan stepped closer, his hands behind his back (one was under his coat, Berwald noted in slight confusion). He leaned a bit closer and looked Urho straight in the eye. His eyes were closer than any winter night.

"Do not lie, мусор. He is wanted criminal, you in big trouble if you hide him."

Ivan didn't even need to lower his voice to sound threatening, and for a second even Urho looked like he might be a little scared. But Urho steeled himself and held his ground, looking Ivan straight in the eyes.

"No Tinos here."

Berwald's grudge towards Urho lessened significantly due to the older man's devotion and bravery, and inside his mind the Swede thanked Urho repeatedly. If Ivan was slowed down even slightly because of this Berwald and Tino would have more time to run away.

Ivan clearly wasn't pleased, and everyone saw how the man began to pull something out from under his coat. But Berwald could only see a glimpse of something made out of metal before Raini pushed through the group of men, clearly rushing.

"W-Wait!"

The young man's voice stopped the escalation of the situation, and everyone's eyes were now nailed on him. Raini visibly paled and swallowed, before straightening his back and using his most convincing tone of voice.

"The one in charge here, Mr. Juhani Hålberg, would like to see you in his residence, good sirs."

Ivan frowned, his hand still under his jacket, halfway pulling out whatever weapon he had under there.

"I just want Tino Väinämöinen. Tell me where he is."

Raini, almost shaking from fear under the intimidating Russian's gaze, cleared his throat a bit and continued.

"There are many residents here in the village, the most efficient way to find this Tino you are looking for would be to consult the ledger in Mr. Hålberg's archives. It has the names of all the people in the village."

Raini was looking at the Russian men with a message hidden in between his words. 'There is no need for violence, these people can lie but the books won't'. And Ivan, thank goodness, understood it and withdrew his hand from under his jacket.

"да, we will. Show the way, маленький."

Raini nodded and turned around in order to lead the Russians, along with their horses, to Mr. Hålberg's residence. When he passed Berwald Raini gave the Swede a look, one that said, "this is all I can do, you do the rest". Raini was buying them time, because going through the books would take at least 30 minutes, and after that Ivan and his men would go to Tino's cabin, which was currently empty. No one knew Tino was staying at Berwald's cabin, after all.

Berwald and the rest waited until the Russians were out of earshot, and then Urho turned to Berwald with a serious look in his eyes.

"We don't accept those that go against Lord's work, but no way in hell are we going to let some fuckin' ryssä take a member of our community. Go get Tino and get away. Now."

You didn't need to tell Berwald twice. He nodded and ran over to Kukkamuna. Berwald basically leapt on the sleigh and rushed Kukkamuna to run. She could pick up the urgency in the human's demeanour and she obeyed without hesitation for once. Kukkamuna begun running, taking Berwald out of the village in no time at all. But she couldn't run as fast as Berwald's would've preferred. The Swede only hoped Tino was ready to go, because they had not one moment to lose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Добрый день = Good day
> 
> Подполко́вник = A rank in Russian army during this time period, basically the same as lieutenant colonel. I honestly have no idea how fitting this rank would be, I don't have much knowledge about army ranks.
> 
> Mусор = Trash
> 
> да = Yes
> 
> Mаленький = Small one
> 
> Ryssä = A very offensive Finnish word for a Russian person.


	16. There Lives a Finn

When Tino had escaped from the burning Bondevik estate he had had close to no earthly possessions. But still Tino thought it was sad to see how small his luggage was in the end. He had merely grabbed few blankets, his kuksa (Tino had made it himself so it was crude to say the least), the tinderbox, some dried meat and bread as rations and the few extra shirts and pants Tino owned. Tino, with a heavy heart, burned his easel in the fireplace after snapping it in two (it wasn't hard, the easel was very old and brittle like a stick). The contraption was much too big to carry comfortably and he and Berwald would have to travel light and fast. But his paint brushes Tino took, along with his paints.

In under an hour Tino was done and back in Berwald's cabin. Tino started packing some of Berwald's things too, he and the Swede had agreed that if Tino got started on it they could leave faster. Tino packed all of Berwald's clothes and tried not to blush like a maiden when handling the other man's undergarments. As Tino began emptying the cabinets he found that Berwald had a kuksa too, and it too looked handmade. But it also looked much better than Tino's, which wasn't surprising. Tino remembered that Berwald had said he whittled and carved as a hobby. But the Swede's work was excellent, Tino suspected that he could work as a carpenter or even as an artist if he wished. The thought of Tino and Berwald working together as artists made the Finn smile, both wistfully and sorrowfully. Tino packed the Swede's kuksa as well the other handmade wooden utensils Berwald had, they all had the Swede's carved signature on the bottom. Each of the items was made with the skill of a professional and Tino found himself to be slightly jealous of such a versatile gift.

The sun was already halfway on its way down the sky by the time Tino had little over half of Berwald's possessions packed. The Swede had a lot more of them than Tino, but that wasn't surprising. Berwald required a lot more luggage since he traveled a lot while working and he wasn't on the run like Tino. The Finn set down the third full bag when he heard the distinct sound of Kukkamuna's feet on snow. Tino frowned a bit, wasn't it too early for Berwald to return?

Tino stood and walked towards the door to welcome Berwald home. Tino already had his warmest smile on his face, he liked being the first one Berwald saw after coming home. It felt like he really was Berwald's wif-, no, husband. It should be husband, not wife. Tino was a man.

In any case, Berwald didn't get the chance to see Tino's smile, because before the Finn could even open the door the Swede burst in. His steps were frantic and there was panic in his eyes. Tino's warm smile was replaced with a confused frown.

"Berwald? What's wrong?"

He asked, his tone alarmed. Tino didn't like the look in Berwald's eyes, that look never meant anything good. Berwald, who had been looking around the cabin frantically, spun around when he heard Tino's voice. Relief briefly filled the Swede's eyes and with few long strides he was in front of Tino. Berwald pulled Tino into his arms and crushed the smaller man against his chest. This made Tino blush furiously and his pulse skyrocketed, but he didn't want to waste this opportunity. Tino also wrapped his arms around Berwald and squeezed, taking in every single moment of the closeness and warmth. It was good he did too, because the embrace didn't last long. Berwald took a hold of Tino's shoulders and pushed him back, keeping the Finn at arm's length. The panicked look was back in his eyes, and it also made Tino panic. What was going on?!

"Ivan's here."

Tino's eyes widened at those words, and his mind emptied of all thoughts momentarily. Berwald said something else, but Tino didn't hear. Shock had taken him somewhere far away, and his body didn't feel like his own.

Ivan was here? No, it couldn't be, it was several days too early. Or maybe Tino had just wanted to tell himself they had had more time; it wasn't like they had known exactly when Ivan would arrive. It had all been speculation. But then that meant…Tino had lost. Ivan had found him, and now the Russian was going to come and take him and never let go. No, Tino didn't want that, he didn't love Ivan anymore and never could again. There was only Berwald now. But…if Tino resisted then Ivan would make it painful not only for him, but for Berwald too. The whole village. Tino couldn't let that happen, he should give up. Let Ivan take him without a fight, Tino could do it. Tino could sacrifice himself. Tino should…Tino…Tino-

"Tino!"

Tino jumped, when he heard a sound that was completely alien and unexpected. It was Berwald shouting. Berwald never shouted, or at least he hadn't before now. Tino blinked and stared at the Swede with wide eyes.

"Ya back?"

Berwald asked, he was still panicked but now he also seemed determined and stern. Berwald hadn't given up, Berwald was ready to fight. Ivan was here, but Ivan hadn't found them yet. They still had time. So, Tino nodded, and his mind returned to his body.

"Yes, yes, I'm…I'm sorry, I…You were saying?"

Berwald sighed and released Tino's shoulders. They ached a bit, Berwald must've been squeezing them and shaking Tino in order to make the Finn wake up from his trance.

"Raini 's buyin' us t'me. We sh'uld go now."

Raini was buying them time? The thought made Tino extremely concerned, Ivan enjoyed the company of people who were small and timid. Ivan enjoyed seeing the way he scared them, enjoyed making them feel fear. Tino had learned that from Eduard and his friend Tolys after Tino had escaped Ivan's office. Tino had been the exception to that rule, perhaps because he had never been intimidated by Ivan's mannerisms or looks. But Raini, Raini certainly would be. The poor man was afraid of his own shadow sometimes. Tino just hoped Ivan wouldn't set his eyes on poor Raini…

But there was no time to let himself get swallowed by worry. Raini was basically sacrificing himself to Tino and Berwald could escape. Tino sent a thank you and a prayer to Raini and helped Berwald carry all the bags they had to the Swede's carriage. He had bought it from the village in order to smuggle Tino across the border. It had wheels, because they were going to travel along roads that didn't have the snow that sleighs required.

"No t'me to get my hors' from the stabl'. We need t' take Kukk'muna."

Kukkamuna lifted her head when she heard her name, and Tino frowned in concern. They didn't own Kukkamuna, taking her would be a crime and if the owner wished he could make Berwald a wanted criminal. Stealing reindeer was a surprisingly heavy offense, because the animals were so many people's livelihood.

But…Berwald was right, they needed to take Kukkamuna. And Tino couldn't deny a part of him was happy. He had always wanted to own Kukkamuna, she was treated so badly by her actual owner and the Finn really loved her. So, Tino nodded and quickly brought Kukkamuna over to the carriage. He attached her in front of it, the harness was bit too big because it was meant for a horse.

"Alright, let's go, quickly. I know a shortcut to the road that leads to the border through the woods."

It was Berwald's turn to nod, and they both quickly jumped on the carriage and Berwald snapped the reigns. Kukkamuna could tell this was a tense and rushed situation and didn't waste any time in speeding up to a run. She was fed, hydrated and rested and Berwald and Tino were prepared to travel all night if needed.

Neither of the men looked back as they disappeared amidst the trees.

***

Ivan's patience was reaching its utmost limit, as he and his men made their way to the cabin that this Hålberg man claimed was Tino's. Dealing with the infuriating blabbermouth of a man had made Ivan feel genocidal, so much so he hadn't even had time to enjoy how terrified the small thing, Raini if Ivan remembered correctly, that had showed them to the mansion had looked. Such a waste that Ivan's heart was reserved for Tino, truly. Otherwise he would've made the small man his toy.

Nevertheless, this Hålberg had immediately recognized Tino's name and there hadn't even been any need to check the records. The man had actually been very eager to show Ivan and his men to the cabin. He had even said he was glad to be rid of Tino, had called the Finn "a filthy sinner". And for that Ivan had pulled out his pipe, happy that he finally got to use it on someone.

Even now the image of Hålberg on the floor with a visible dent on his skull made Ivan smile, despite his rage. And the look on Raini's face had been a very nice bonus. The small man still had a similar expression, as he was showing the Russians where Tino's cabin was. Raini was shaking so much he almost had trouble keeping his horse in a gallop. He had just witnessed a possible murder, Raini wasn't sure since he hadn't had the chance to see if Mr. Hålberg was alive after Ivan hit him to the head with his pipe. But judging from the dent in his employer's skull Raini wasn't hopeful. He felt slightly nauseous upon remembering the situation and had to swallow a bitter lump in his throat, so he didn't vomit in his lap and on his horse.

The cabin came into view from between the trees, and when Raini pointed it out Ivan's smile widened. His horse was heaving but Ivan didn't care and made it run even faster for the remaining meters. Ivan basically leapt from his horse and with one big stride he was on the door. Ivan didn't bother knocking and just threw the door open, bone-chilling grin on his face.

"Tino! Моя любовь, I've come-!"

Ivan's sentence was never finished, and smile froze on his face, as he saw that the small space before him was empty, cold and devoid of any signs of living. The bed had no covers, the cupboards and closet were open and empty and the embers in the fireplace had completely gone out. It looked like someone had packed everything and just left. As this thought registered in Ivan's head his eye twitched, which his lieutenant beside him saw. The man paled, and quickly ushered the three soldiers behind them outside. He knew what was coming. Ivan took few shuddering, deep breaths and pulled out his pipe. With an ear-splitting roar of rage Ivan began swinging at everything in the cabin. He completely destroyed the cupboards and the window, cracked the bed's headboard and frame, punched several holes on the floorboards and walls and brought all the shelves in the closet down.

It took Ivan almost an hour to calm down, and even then, only half of his rage was gone. But enough of it was gone for him to think rationally. He stood in the middle of the destroyed cabin and pondered. Tino had known he was coming and ran. But the embers in the fireplace had still had lingering warmth, and the tracks on the yard hadn't been snowed over. Tino had still been here this morning, or earlier. Which meant he wasn't too far away. And he was moving slower than Ivan and his men because he had luggage and an inferior steed, at least compared to Ivan's and his men's war horses. They could catch up to the man despite his head start. But where would Tino go…?

It didn't take long to figure out. Ivan walked out of the cabin and straight to Raini. He took a hold of the smaller man by his collar and yanked him up, chilling smile on his face. For a second Raini felt like he would faint then and there.

"What road lead to Russia Sweden border?"

***

At first Tino and Berwald traveled in tense and fearful silence. Both were listening for the sound of approaching horses, or yells, or any other signs of pursuit. But they heard nothing and encountered no one on the empty side road, and when they entered the road to the border there were no travelers. That wasn't rare, they were in the middle of nowhere and Lapland was very sparsely populated. But the silence made Tino extremely nervous and jumpy, though it usually didn't bother him. This silence made Tino listen to every single small sound, made him feel paranoid about everything around him. Tino knew they had a head start, and Kukkamuna was strong and fast. She had an advantage on the snow, Kukkamuna could run her top speed whereas horses had to slow down, because their hooves weren't meant for snow. But this knowledge did little to soothe Tino, familiar fear and paranoia already had him in their tight grip.

Berwald was in a very similar state, although on the top of his mind was Tino's safety and getting him as far away from Ivan as possible. During the brief time Berwald had seen Ivan the Swede had realized why Tino was so afraid of the Russian. Ivan's face had child-like features and so did his voice, but his mannerisms revealed clearly that Ivan was no stranger to violence. Tino was no fool and wouldn't have fallen in love with someone like Ivan, so Berwald was sure that the large man was also good at hiding his darker side if needed. Perhaps it didn't even show most of the time, just when Ivan willed it to appear.

Nevertheless, Ivan was very dangerous for Tino and now Berwald as well, since the Swede was hiding Tino from the Russian. But Berwald didn't care about himself being in danger, not when it came to Tino's safety.

After over an hour or so of travelling in silence Berwald glanced at Tino for the first time. It was dark, but they had a lantern to guide their way. And in the lantern's light Berwald could clearly see the tightness around Tino's eyes and lips, and the Finn was gripping the hem of his jacket with his mitten-clad hands. Berwald frowned a bit, he didn't like seeing Tino like this. Of course, Tino would be afraid and nervous in this situation, but Berwald wanted the Finn to always smile and never know strife again after this experience. Berwald wanted to make Tino smile every day of their lives, he wanted to protect and cherish the smaller man, and Berwald found himself vowing that after they crossed the Swedish border, he would tell that to Tino. He would clearly confess his feelings. No more hesitation, ifs or buts. Berwald could guess that Tino was planning to leave after they entered Sweden, but Berwald didn't want to let that happen. He wanted Tino to be in his life, and Berwald's wanted to be in Tino's life. If Tino didn't feel the same Berwald would let the Finn leave, but if he felt the same the Swede would do everything in his power to hold on to the love of his life.

With these thoughts in his head Berwald carefully reached out his other hand and put it on top of Tino's. Tino jumped and turned to look at Berwald, alarmed. There was a question in his eyes, was something the matter? Had Berwald seen or heard something? But the Swede merely shook his head slightly and squeezed Tino's hand. Tino relaxed a bit, and after a moment of hesitation, wrapped his own hand around Berwald's and squeezed back. The simple gesture made both Berwald and Tino feel better, and both blushed slightly. Tino gladly welcomed the butterflies in his stomach, they eased the painful knot of worry that currently resided in his guts. Yes, Berwald was here, and Berwald would stay here. They would protect each other, Tino was not alone in this. Not anymore, and not ever again. Tino had long since decided he was sick of being a hermit, he liked laughing and company of his loved ones, which now included Berwald. And so, once Tino would meet his friends he would never again be apart from them. They could console Tino when he cried over losing another love, and they could help Tino stand back up after a probably long time of grief. Because Tino had a feeling it would take him a long time to get over Berwald.

With these thoughts in mind Tino kept his hand in Berwald's, and neither of the men released the other for the rest of the night.

Around midnight both Berwald and Tino were starting to feel the effects of both mental and physical fatigue. Kukkamuna was getting tired as well, and had long since slowed down to a jog instead of a run. She was heaving and frothing at the mouth and Tino noticed it. He squeezed Berwald's hand, still holding his, to get the Swede's attention.

"Berwald, Kukkamuna is reaching her limit. How much longer until the side route?"

Berwald, hesitantly, took his hand from Tino's in order to pull out a map. He and Tino inspected it in the lantern's pale light, they had kept an eye on landmarks and road signs and more or less knew where they were. Berwald traced his finger on the paper along the road they were on, there was still about 15 kilometres to the side route they were going to take. It was a precaution he and Tino had agreed on. If they stayed on the main road it would be easier to find them. But at one point the road diverged into four smaller roads, each of them going to their own respective villages. But one of the roads had another smaller road diverge from it, one that wasn't on the map and lead straight to the border. Berwald knew of it because he had been told about it by a border guard, it was a shortcut. That was the route he and Tino were going to take, it was quicker and threw off pursuers.

"Sh'uld take 'bout half 'n hour with th's pace. 'M sorry, but K'kkamuna sh'uld be able t' last just a bit l'nger."

Tino bit his lip and looked at Kukkamuna. He didn't want to push her too much, she had done so much for them already. But Tino knew it was the best solution, even if it made Kukkamuna collapse from exhaustion when they stopped. Hesitantly Tino nodded, and then fished Berwald's hand back into his as he listened to Kukkamuna pant and huff. It made his chest constrict from pity and pain for his reindeer friend, but Kukkamuna seemed determined. She wasn't fighting or stopping of her own accord, she trusted her human friends. And it moved both Tino and Berwald.

As Berwald predicted, half an hour later they arrived at a fork on the road. Two smaller roads continued to the right, two to the left, and the main road continued on forward. Berwald pulled gently on Kukkamuna's reigns and directed her to one of the roads on the right, the one closest to the main road. With heavy steps she obeyed, and it made Tino almost cry to see her so tired and exhausted that she couldn't even fight back or snort in defiance. Tino sent Berwald a pleading look, and the Swede sighed silently. He squeezed Tino's hand, and after few more minutes they finally stopped. The moment her feet stopped moving Kukkamuna collapsed, folding her feet under her, and she breathed so heavily it sounded like her lungs would come out of her mouth. Tino jumped out of the carriage and rushed to her side, immediately petting her snout gently and murmuring encouragement and words of gratitude. Berwald smiled at the sight and grabbed a bunch of hay for Kukkamuna from the back of the carriage. She gobbled all of it up the moment Berwald put it in front of her and ate snow for hydration, and then promptly fell asleep. Tino and Berwald both chuckled as the reindeer snored and Berwald covered Kukkamuna with a blanket. They couldn't let her muscles cool down too fast in the cold night air or she might pull or rip them tomorrow when she had to run again.

"I guess we officially owe her our lives."

Tino said quietly and looked at Berwald with a warm look in his eyes. Berwald nodded in agreement, without Kukkamuna they could still be stuck in the village, just waiting for Ivan to realize where Tino was hiding. They both owed Kukkamuna a huge debt now.

Tino yawned widely, and Berwald nudged Tino towards the back of the carriage. Together they climbed in, and after Berwald set up a make-shift roof from a tarp they lay down, using the bags with their clothes in them as pillows. Both men had several blankets, but they both also scooted close to each other in search for warmth and closeness. Tino closed his eyes and breathed in the cold air, that had Berwald's scent mixed in. Even though they were sleeping at the side of the road in the middle of a God-forsaken wasteland in frost-bitten air Tino still felt warm. He would always feel warm as long as Berwald was close. And Berwald felt the same, and the two men fell asleep with their hands entwined yet again.

***

Tino was the first one to wake up, though Berwald wasn't far behind. Because they had been woken up by a loud sound. It sounded like someone was hitting or kicking the side of their carriage. Tino and Berwald frowned almost at the same time and with eyes heavy from sleep looked outside from the wide entrance of their make-shift tent. Both of them froze and the last of the remnants of sleep vanished, when they saw Ivan looking down at them. The Russian had a small, scary smile on his face, and it gave both Tino and Berwald chills. Tino could feel fear crushing his lungs, Ivan looked no different from 5 years ago, but at the same time he also looked…monstrous.

"Доброе утро, моя любовь. You sleep well, I hope?"

Tino didn't answer, Berwald didn't say anything and neither of them moved a muscle. Because behind Ivan there were two soldiers pointing their guns at them. And soon the tarp roof was ripped off, as the third soldier yanked it away. Momentarily Tino and Berwald were blinded by the rising sun. Damn, they had slept for too long, they should've gotten up before sunrise. The exhaustion had really taken its toll, and now Tino and Berwald were paying.

Tino was using all of his willpower not to hyperventilate, and Berwald had slowly put his own body before Tino's protectively. There was a fierce look on his face, and Ivan's eye twitched as he saw how Berwald was treating Tino. His Tino.

"Who this, Tino? A friend?"

Ivan's tone was dangerous, it told Tino to choose his next words carefully. Tino swallowed, he wasn't sure if he was going to be able to answer. But when he thought of the alternative, of what Ivan would do to Berwald if the Russian learned Tino loved the man, Tino found his voice working.

"No. He's no one. He was just giving me a ride to the next village over. I'm moving from my old village to a new one."

Not once did Tino stutter, and his voice was neutral and betrayed no emotion. It was out of pure willpower that it remained that way. Berwald glanced at Tino with shock and slight hurt in his eyes, but before Berwald could protest Tino slipped away from behind him and stood up before Ivan. The sight of the Russian made Tino terrified and he wanted to run away, but he didn't let himself do it. They couldn't run, not from this situation. So, all Tino could do was ensure that Berwald stayed alive.

"How did you find me, Ivan?"

Tino's voice wanted to shake, to sob, to break, but Tino just thought of Berwald. Thought of getting them both out of this situation alive. And Tino tried to convey that to Berwald through the brief but desperate glance he sent to the Swede. 'Please, say nothing, and we may yet see tomorrow'.

"You move? I guess it make sense…I find you because I love you. Come with me, Tino. I make sure you no go to prison. I lift all charges towards your friends. If you remain with me. Is good deal, дa?"

That did sound like a deal, that would save all people dear to Tino. In that moment Tino could see his whole future ahead of him. In Ivan's mansion, trapped like a housecat, pretending to love a man that ruined his life and would probably end up ending it one day. After all, Tino knew there were more depths to Ivan's violence, depths he had not yet seen. But at least he would know his friends and true love would be alive and safe. The alternative was much worse, Ivan killing Berwald now and later Tino's family and still keeping Tino as a pet. That would be unbearable. So, slowly, as if it brought him pain, Tino found himself nodding. Ivan's face lit up with a smile that was very genuine, a smile that Tino had once loved. Now it only filled him with despair.

"That is good! Now I only shoot this man and we go."

Tino's eyes widened, and he opened his mouth to shout. But two of Ivan's soldiers had already opened fire, each shooting one bullet towards where Berwald sat. Or had sat, because in the nick of time Berwald rolled and was able to dodge the bullets. Well, not entirely, one of them grazed his shoulder. But Berwald didn't care or even notice the pain. Instead he lifted his own shotgun (he had hidden it under the bags) and shot one of the soldiers right between the eyes. And with fatal accuracy Berwald used the other round to shoot the other soldier to the stomach. Ivan stared at the scene with shock, surprised the Swede was able to fight back. Tino, before Ivan recovered from his shock and grabbed him, dropped down and rolled beneath the carriage. His limbs felt like lead and his mind was foggy, but Tino was moving on pure instinct at this point. Under the carriage they had strapped a knife, that Tino now pulled free. He and Berwald had planned for as many scenarios as possible, and that included an attack by bandits (or in this case Russian military). This was Tino's role. He reached out and quickly stabbed the third soldier's leg, that was still standing beside the carriage. He was just about to pull out his sword. The soldier yelled in pain and fell to the ground, holding his badly bleeding shin. The knife had gone deep and Tino was fighting against shock, he had never stabbed anyone before. But he knew now was the time of action, and firmly ignored the blood that was staining his white jacket sleeves and mittens.

Ivan took only few seconds to recover from his shock, and then he was upon Berwald with his pipe out and rage in his eyes. Ivan grabbed Berwald and basically threw him off the carriage and onto the ground. Berwald grunted from pain, he landed on his bad shoulder, but quickly got to his knees and attempted to hit Ivan with the bunt of his gun. He had no time to reload. But it did little good, as Ivan simply deflected the blow with his pipe and then hit the gun so hard it flew from Berwald's hands. The Swede growled in anger and aimed a punch at Ivan's solar plexus. But Ivan had much more experience in combat and saw the blow coming from miles away. He caught Berwald's wrist and squeezed it, making Berwald shout out in pain. His hand felt like it was being crushed between two boulders. Tino scooted out from under the carriage just in time to see Ivan grab Berwald by the throat and lift him up. The two men were almost the same height and mass and still Ivan could lift Berwald with one hand. He had enormous strength. And in Ivan's other hand there was a sword, ready to skewer Berwald. Berwald was fighting for breath and flailed in the air, trying to free himself in vain. Ivan's tone and expression were murderous.

"You try and take what mine. Now…you die for that crime."

"Ivan, no!"

Tino screamed, and he got Ivan's attention. The Russian turned to look at Tino, the Finn had a desperate look on his face, and tears were streaming down his cheeks.

"P-Please…at least…let me say my last words to him…please, I beg of you…"

Ivan's eyes narrowed; he didn't like that idea at all. But his little Tino seemed to be very fond of this man, and Ivan didn't want to upset his sunflower unnecessarily. So, the Russian nodded, and Tino let out a shuddering breath.

"Th-Thank you, Ivan."

Tino said, and then caught Berwald's eyes with his own. Tino, slowly, mouthed the words "Don't worry" before pursing his lips and letting out a sharp whistle. For a moment Ivan looked confused, but then an angry snort sounded from somewhere behind Tino. Suddenly Tino side-stepped and Ivan saw an angry reindeer charging at him. Ivan tried to move his sword to kill the reindeer but Kukkamuna was faster. Her strong headbutt sent Ivan toppling over, and luckily as the Russian fell his head collided with one of his soldiers' helmets.

Berwald fell with Ivan, but as soon as it was clear that Ivan was out cold Berwald jumped up, gasping for air. Tino ran to him and embraced the Swede tightly, as if making sure he was truly there and not dead or dying. Berwald embraced back and nearly crushed the smaller man, but neither of them cared. They were both alive, and although the soldier Tino had stabbed on the leg was still whining by the carriage all the soldiers were immobilized.

The two men didn't let their embrace linger, they had to move quickly now. Berwald noticed that one of the soldiers that had been with Ivan was missing, and he didn't want to risk them suddenly appearing. So, without saying a word Tino and Berwald attached Kukkamuna in front of the carriage in record time and set off, leaving behind them four men in the snow.

Almost an hour later Ivan's missing soldier, who had been left to keep watch at the fork on the road, found his comrades and superior by the side of the road. Two of the soldiers were dead, only Ivan and his lieutenant are alive. The soldier helps the lieutenant dress his wound and shakes Ivan awake. And the moment Ivan's headache cleared up enough so he could ride without falling off the horse the Russians began pursuit.

***

Tino and Berwald urged Kukkamuna forward in full gallop, and although Tino still felt bad about pushing the reindeer so hard it was much more necessary now. They only stopped briefly as they turned to the road that wasn't on the map and covered their tracks, so they couldn't be seen at first glance. That should buy them at least a little time. And then they were off again, pushing Kukkamuna harder than they had the previous day. Even at full speed it would take them several hours to reach the border, but Tino and Berwald had to try. Even though Tino felt like he couldn't breathe and Berwald's injuries ached they couldn't look back or stop. This was their last chance at getting away and they couldn't let Ivan catch up. But their chances weren't nonexistent. The Swedish hated the Russians, and the moment they would get to the border and say that Russians were chasing them the guards would probably side with them. Or just Berwald, since Tino was going to be hiding in the carriage. Ivan wouldn't be let over the border because he was Russian military, and that would mean the pursuit was over. Berwald and Tino would be home free. Both men tried to keep their hopes up with that thought as they ran through the snowy pines. The road they were on was barely a road, only a few people used it during the winter. But thankfully the snow wasn't too soft and Kukkamuna didn't have problems running through it while pulling the carriage. Their chances looked better and better as time went on and their travelling was swift and there were no sounds of pursuit.

After over an hour of travel Tino finally relaxed enough that he was able to direct his attention at the blood on his clothes. Tino could feel cold sweat upon his brow, he had never stabbed anyone before, and he could still feel the sensation of the knife sinking into soft flesh on his hands. Tino though he was pathetic, Berwald had just killed two men and here he was getting worried about merely stabbing someone's leg. Nevertheless, Tino took off his mittens, he didn't want to wear them when they were all bloodied. But he had to keep his jacket on, even if the sleeves had some blood on them. It was too cold to be without one.

Berwald, whose attention had been drawn by Tino's movements, glanced at the Finn and could see Tino's pale face and shaken expression as he looked at the blood on himself. Berwald's heart went to the man. Berwald had killed few men before, and every time it had been necessary, if he hadn't killed, he would've been killed. But it didn't make the experience any easier, and Berwald was shaken as well. But he was also able to temporarily push those feelings aside, he would handle them at a later date when he and Tino were out of harm's way. If this was Tino's first time harming another human being on purpose then the Finn must not have been able to do that, and Berwald could feel ache in his chest. He wanted to do something to ease how Tino was feeling right now. But he also knew that in the end it was up to Tino to come into terms with what he had done. All Berwald did now was reach out and loop his arm around Tino's waist, so he could pull the smaller man against his side. Berwald couldn't keep his arm around Tino, he had to concentrate on driving the carriage when they were moving this fast. But he wanted Tino close to him, for the Finn's own sake, and…for Berwald's sake too. Because like Tino, Berwald felt the weight of his actions, and Tino's warmth and closeness helped to temporarily ease it.

Tino flinched a bit, as Berwald pulled him close, but soon he relaxed and looked up at the Swede. Berwald was looking forward, he had to, but Tino could see his eyes were dark and burdened. Tino blinked, how could he have been so stupid? Of course Berwald was feeling much worse than he was, he had killed two people. The kind-hearted, awkward and gentle Berwald had killed, and it must've been killing him. Tino could feel tears forming in his eyes, and he pressed tightly against Berwald's side. Tino wept for both himself and for Berwald and buried his face in Berwald's shoulder. He gripped Berwald's coat tightly and sobbed, quietly muttering gentle words of gratitude and concern, apologies and reassurance. Tino didn't know if Berwald heard any of the words, but he wanted to voice them, wanted to bring them out. And Berwald did hear Tino, and although the Swede had only cried on few occasions during his life now, he could feel few hot tears fall from his eyes. They disappeared quickly, unseen by Tino, and the two men continued on, sticking close to each other like their lives depended on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kuksa = Basically a special kind of cup made of wood, preferably by hand. I can't explain well how they look like, just google "kuksa mug" and you'll see what they are like. They are a Finnish thing and usually used when camping and for drinking coffee. I myself have one as well that my dad made me
> 
> Моя любовь = My love
> 
> Доброе утрo = Good morning


	17. Here is my Earthly Home

The border guards, who had already been on their post for nearly three weeks, were tired and cold and overall pretty sick of their job at this point. One of them, a younger one just fresh out of training, yawned widely and squinted at the rising moon. He turned to look at his companion, an older veteran, with a tired and irritated expression and spoke with quick Swedish.

"Why do we have to stand guard even during night? No one has ever actually come through here when it's night…"

The older guard glared at him and rolled his eyes, silently judging how the young man was leaning against the wall that stood before the border. He was trying to set a good example for the brat and stood in attention, but he was also stifling a yawn.

"Just do your job and don't ask pointless questions. We get paid, isn't that enough?"

"Not if I have to freeze my ass off for such a low wage…"

The older guard groaned and decided to ignore his new co-worker for the rest of the night. It's not like he enjoyed standing in freezing weather during the night either. But it was peaceful and easy, and the money was good enough. Besides, they could always just take a small bribe or two if the money got tight.

The guards resumed standing in silence, but it didn't stay silent for long. Both guards heard the sound of hooves on snow, approaching fast. And what do you know, soon a carriage turned around the bend, pulled by an exhausted-looking reindeer. As the carriage got closer the guards stepped forward and blocked the road, but they didn't draw their swords since they recognized the one driving the carriage. Berwald Oxenstierna. The man looked scary, but he crossed the border often enough because of work so that the guards knew he was harmless. But now the guards frowned, Berwald looked frazzled, and it was suspicious enough to be crossing the border at this time of the night.

Berwald stopped the carriage right before the guards, and they both walked over and stood on each side of the carriage.

"Evening, Mr. Oxenstierna. Beautiful night, isn't it? Now tell me, why in such a hurry?"

The older guard asked, and the younger began eyeing the back of the carriage. It seemed to contain a fair amount of luggage, much more than Berwald had had when arriving few months back.

"I received urgent summons to return, an emergency project. My boss said a village burned and they need assistance at once."

It felt almost strange to Berwald to be speaking Swedish again, he had been only speaking Finnish for so long. Gone was his clumsy accent and Swedish flowed effortlessly from his lips. Berwald still had a low, rumbly voice, but that combined with the smooth Swedish sounded very attractive. Or at least that was what Tino thought while hiding under their bags, trying to stay as still and quiet as possible.

"I see…No need to show your travel papers, that would take time, which you don't have. We'll just take a quick look at the back and you'll be good to go. Protocol, am I right?"

Tino tensed a bit, and so did Berwald. But the Swede didn't protest and simply nodded, they had prepared for this. Tino was hidden well enough, and if the check was just a quick glance there would be no trouble.

The older guard nodded at the younger guard, and the young man pulled off the tarp that had been covering the back of the carriage. Just like Berwald had predicted, the young man didn't do a more thorough check and just gave the back a glance. But that glance was enough for him to see a tuft of blonde hair peeking from between the bags. The young guard frowned and gestured his older colleague to take a look. The older man sighed and obliged, also taking a look at the bag. He saw the hair too, and the young guard waited for him to call it out or even arrest Berwald. But instead the older man pulled the tarp back and gave the young guard a stern look. 'Say nothing'. The younger man frowned in confusion but obeyed and returned to his post, leaving this to the veteran of the job.

"Now, Mr. Oxenstierna, looks like you have some extra cargo with you."

Berwald and Tino both stiffened at the old guard's words, and the older man wanted to sigh when he saw that reaction. Berwald was so bad at hiding his intentions, he was lucky that tonight had been his shift.

"Now you know what that means, right?"

Berwald swallowed and waited for the old guard to arrest him. Instead the man reached out his hand, as if waiting for Berwald to hand him something. Turns out that was exactly what he was doing.

"That will pay you a little extra. Customs duty, you know how it goes."

Berwald blinked in confusion, and so did the younger guard and Tino under the bags. But thankfully Berwald caught on quick and gave the older man a hefty sum without another word. The old guard smirked and winked, stepping aside to Berwald could pass. But before he did Berwald spoke up one last time.

"There will be Russians coming through, probably later tonight. Don't let them pass, they are bad men with bad intentions."

Now both guards frowned deeply, and automatically brought their hands to their weapons.

"Thank you for the warning. Now off you go."

The old guard watched Berwald go, and then turned around and faced forward again. He could feel the young guard's eyes on him and sighed

"That, greenhorn, is what you call 'collecting favours'. Now light the signal fire, we need help in order to receive our Russian friends."

***

After Berwald had gotten far away from the border, about a kilometer or so, he stopped and jumped off the carriage. He had barely pulled the tarp off of the back before Tino basically launched himself at him, laughing. Tino wrapped his arms around Berwald's neck and squeezed as hard as he possibly could, which was surprisingly hard. But Berwald didn't care and instead smiled and spun the Finn around, making Tino exclaim in surprise. But he quickly resumed his laughter, and Tino and Berwald embraced and rejoiced for several minutes straight. And when Berwald finally set Tino down the Finn was grinning widely, trying to stifle his giggles long enough to speak.

"I-I don't know what to say, Berwald. J-Just, thank you so so so much, I will never be able to repay you, not if I used several lifetimes. Holy Martin Luther, I can't believe it, we're in Sweden. I'm in Sweden. I'm-I'm safe. Ivan can't come here. Oh, Berwald, please tell me he can't come here. Please tell me this isn't a dream. I-If this turns out to be a dream, I don't think I'd be able to handle it. Oh, my Lord, I'm a mess…"

Tino's voice was ecstatic and nearly hysterical, though it also became scared towards the end of his rant. Berwald, who was still holding Tino by his shoulders, suddenly moved his hands, picked the Finn up from under his arms and lifted him so he was standing on the back of the carriage. Tino blinked in surprise and looked down at Berwald, confused. He was now a bit taller than the Swede, which was strange. But Tino was glad he was, because from this angle he had the perfect view of the smile on Berwald's face. It was the widest one Tino had ever seen and it made him grin even wider.

"He won' come h're, he will nev'r get ya ever again."

Berwald assured, and those words made Tino burst into tears. He was just a jumble of all kinds of emotions and it made his mood swing like crazy. Tino sobbed and tried to wipe his tears away, all the while attempting to voice his thoughts to the best of his capabilities. He couldn't see Berwald's face anymore, Tino was too busy wiping away tears

"Th-Thank you, Berwald, for s-saying that. I-I would never h-have been able to m-make it without y-you. Truly, th-thank y-"

But Tino's words of gratitude were cut off as something soft and warm touched his lips. Tino blinked and that cleared away enough tears, so he could see what was happening. Though when the current scene registered in his brain Tino still doubted if it was a dream or not.

Berwald was kissing him. Berwald had leaned forward, tilted Tino's chin down and captured the Finn's lips with his own. Tino could feel his face heating up, but the control of his body had been relinquished to the part of Tino's brain that very much wanted this to happen. So, instead of freezing or pushing Berwald away, Tino answered the kiss to the best of his abilities. He closed his eyes and tilted his head slightly to give Berwald better access. This surprised Berwald slightly, he had initiated the kiss in the spur of the moment. Seeing Tino such an emotional mess and yet still so beautiful had overcome Berwald with the urge to somehow act on the deep affection blossoming within him. But the fact that Tino answered the kiss, wanted it, made Berwald feel ecstatic. The Swede tilted his head in a similar manner and even parted his lips slightly, which made Tino do so as well. The kiss turned from soft and sweet to deep and exciting. Not quite passionate or hot, neither Tino nor Berwald was in the right mindset for something like that. But it was a very nice kiss, and Tino ended it with a quick, gentle nip at Berwald's lower lip that made the Swede's face deep crimson. Tino chuckled, and slowly pressed his forehead against Berwald's. The butterflies in his stomach were going crazy and his heart was filled with so much happiness Tino was afraid it was going to burst out of his chest. Tino and Berwald were chest to chest, and it felt like there was no one else in the world but them. The silence stretched for several moments, and Berwald's hesitant voice was the first one to break it.

"Tino…jag älskar dig. I-I love you…"

Tino let out a small, quiet gasp and his eyes widened. The look on Berwald's face told no lies, the Swede was dead serious. Tino wasn't exactly all that surprised, he had suspected this after all, but somehow hearing Berwald say those words was…Tino didn't have words for it. Those words made him feel so many things, and they made an absolute mess of his already chaotic mind. But one feeling, one thought, rose above the others and Tino knew what his answer was.

"I love you too. Lord knows I shouldn't, but I do. So much it's scary…"

Tino whispered, and tears fell from his eyes again. But this time they were quiet tears of both sorrow and joy, and Berwald's gentle fingers and then lips wiped them away as soon as they emerged. Tino let out a small, bitter laugh and he took Berwald's hands in his, squeezing them. Berwald used that contact to pull Tino into an embrace, and he lifted the Finn off his feet and held the smaller man against his chest like he was the most precious thing in the world.

"Pleas', stay w'th me. I w'nt a life with you."

Berwald murmured against Tino's hair, his tone was pleading the Finn to say yes. And oh God almighty, Tino wanted the same thing. He wanted it so much it ached, just the thought of refusing made Tino's heart split in two. Tino knew he should refuse; he should stay on his own and not drag Berwald into his chaos of a life. Even if Berwald wanted it now he might come to regret it later. Berwald had a life, a stable income, probably a family. Tino couldn't stay in Sweden with Berwald, it was too close to Ivan. Berwald would have to leave everything behind. No, Tino couldn't do that. He-He just couldn't. He…he shouldn't…

"I want that too, Berwald. I want to stay with you."

The rational part of Tino's brain wasn't the one who voiced those words, but Tino's rationality was almost completely gone right now anyway. His love towards Berwald had the reigns now. And Tino found himself to be completely okay with that, especially since his answer earned him another kiss from Berwald. It was quicker and more like a firm peck than a kiss, but Tino didn't care. Any kiss or pretty much any physical contact he had with Berwald was enough to make him happy beyond belief.

But then Tino's rational mind was in charge long enough for Tino to frown in worry, and he separated from the embrace. Tino looked deep into Berwald's eyes, as he voiced something that had to be said.

"But I can't stay with you in Sweden. It's too close to…to him. You understand that, right? And you don't need to come with me. You have a job, a life, a family-"

Berwald gently put a finger on Tino's lips to silence the man, and the gesture irritated Tino slightly. He didn't like to be interrupted. But Berwald spoke up and his words wiped away Tino's irritation very effectively.

"I hav' no f'mily, Tino. An' I can work an'where, an' I want to h've a life w'th you. I w'nt you to be my f'mily."

Tino bit his lower lip, as tears threatened to fall from his eyes yet again. Damnit, how could Berwald move him to this extent? It was almost unfair! Tino sniffed and leaned forward, pressing yet another chaste kiss against Berwald's lips.

"Ask and ye shall receive. But I must warn you, I have quite the protective family, who might not receive you kindly after…"

Tino didn't need to finish that sentence, he and Berwald both knew what the Finn was talking about. Berwald smiled slightly and gave Tino's hand a squeeze.

"I w'nt you, an' if I h've to go thr'ugh them to be w'th you then I w'll."

Tino laughed a little and gave Berwald one more hug, which the Swede gladly returned. Tino squeezed the larger man appreciatively, he was sure that if anyone would be able to earn the trust of Tino's family then it was Berwald. His gentle giant could do miracles.

Tino and Berwald decided to travel few more kilometres before they settled in for the night, and this time they fell asleep under the same blanket with Berwald's arms protectively around Tino. And for the first time in years Tino didn't have any unpleasant dreams.

***

"Why aren't they here? They should be here!"

Tino had been anxious all day. At first in the good excited way but then as the time for the meeting came and went it had morphed into the gut-wrenching kind, that made Tino feel nauseous and paranoid. Berwald had long since stopped trying to get Tino to calm down, because his efforts were in vain and for a good reason. There were many possible reasons why Tino's friends hadn't been able to come, and most of them weren't all that pleasant.

The meeting place was a small trading town 30 kilometres from the Russian border, or more precisely a certain inn at the edge of the town. Tino and Berwald had stayed in the inn under false names during the last couple of days, waiting for the day of the meeting. Now it was here, Tino's friends were nowhere to be found and Tino was a wreck. He and Berwald were sitting at a table at the back of the inn's tavern and Berwald had Tino's hand tightly in his under the table. That was about the only thing keeping Tino from spiralling even deeper into the whirlpool of fear.

"Let's st'y here f'r few mor' days an' see if th'y come. They would nev'r aband'n ya."

Tino knew Berwald was just trying to reassure him and make him feel better, but Berwald's statement transformed into something completely different in Tino's paranoid mind and the Finn lashed out angrily.

"Of course they wouldn't, how dare you even insinuate that! They could be dead, or caught, and it would all be because of me!"

Tino's voice was a tad too loud and drew the attention of the people around them. But Tino didn't care. He was glaring at Berwald, challenging the Swede to argue, to say even one word that went against Tino's statement. But Berwald knew Tino wasn't in a good state of mind and easily kept cool and calm and he squeezed Tino's hand under the table, his ocean eyes firmly holding Tino's violet ones.

"They w'll come, or s'nd word. Nothin' is your fa'lt, Tino. Nothin'"

Tino's temper disappeared the moment he heard Berwald's gentle tone and words and he sighed deeply, using his free hand to rub his face.

"I-I know, I know. I'm sorry Berwald, you didn't deserve that. I just…what if they-?"

"Tino?"

Tino froze and turned his eyes from Berwald to a figure in a cloak, that stood before their table. Tino frowned in confusion, he couldn't see the person's face, but hope had also come back to his mind. He could recognize that voice, it had been such a long time since he had heard it last.

"It's so good to see you again, Tolys."

Tolys slowly pulled off the hood, that was concealing his face. He was glancing around, as paranoid or even more so than Tino. He stepped closer to the table but didn't sit down. Instead he slid a single envelope on the table, sealed with the wax seal of the Bondevik family.

"You too. I can't stay for long; I have to leave the country as well. Lukas sends his regards."

Tolys said quietly, and although he tried to keep his tone neutral Tino could tell the Lithuanian really was glad to see Tino alive and well. Tino, respecting Tolys' wishes to do this quickly and subtly, nodded and gave the man's arm a brief squeeze. Tolys smiled a little, slipped his hood back on and left. Tolys sighed from relief as he exited the inn, Tino had looked to be in good health. Although the man he had been with was scary…But Tolys had to worry about himself now. He had long since resigned and had delivered this last message because Eduard had begged him to. But now it was time for Tolys to take a well-deserved break from Russia and espionage. He was going to go to Central Europe and live with his Polish friend for a while. Feliks would certainly be overjoyed to get his dear Liet back.

Inside the inn Tino quickly opened the letter, expecting to see words, maybe a location. But instead he saw an image. A scenery, to be more precise. In the image Tino could see a birch, and behind it a beautiful archipelago, and beyond the fragmented mass of islands was the endless sea and faraway horizon. Tino frowned in confusion, but soon understood Lukas' logic. Words anyone could understand, but this image was probably something that only had a meaning for Tino. It was a hint about where Tino could find his friends. Lukas had probably drawn an image, so if Tino or Tolys had been captured the captors wouldn't have found out their hiding place.

So…they had probably been found and had to go hide. The thought worried Tino greatly, but at least now he had a lead for where to find his friends. If they had managed to escape…

"What's th't?"

Berwald asked, leaning over to look at the paper, and his voice made Tino snap out of his bleak thoughts. Tino looked at the image again, it didn't look too familiar to him.

"I'm…I'm not sure, actually. It's probably a hint. But I'm not sure where this is…"

Tino stared at the image, he got a strange feeling from looking at it. He didn't personally know this place, he hadn't been there, but something clicked. Something someone had said, had described. Yes, someone had told Tino about a place like this. But who…?

"T'no?"

Berwald asked, and Tino momentarily looked at Berwald. Or more accurately, his hair. Berwald's hair was choppy, and always pointed in all kinds of different directions. Right, left, down, up. Wait, up. Hair standing up. Blonde, up pointing hair. Bright blue eyes, a confident smirk…

"Matthias!"

Tino suddenly exclaimed, startling Berwald, and focused back on the paper. Yes, Matthias had been the one to describe this place. His childhood home in Denmark, right by the Western coast. Matthias really loved this place, and it would make sense for Tino's friends to travel to Denmark. Denmark was a freer country than Russia or Sweden, much easier to enter and Matthias would get in even more easily since he was a citizen there. Matthias had always wanted to take his friends to his childhood home. Tino grinned, now they had a goal!

"T'no? Who's Matthias? Did you f'gure somethin' out?"

Berwald was getting increasingly confused, but Tino also seemed much happier now, so the Finn must've remembered where the place in the image was. Tino laughed a little, folded the paper and put it in his pocket. Tino stood up and pulled Berwald up with him, suddenly full of energy and raring to go.

"Hell yes I did! Now come on, we must get going! We have a very long way to go."

***

"What do you mean 'give up the search'?! I just need more men and more spies and I can-!"

"Ivan Braginsky, you will hold your tongue in front of your superior officer!"

Ivan closed his mouth, but his nostrils were still flared from anger. Ivan was squeezing his hands into fists behind his back, barely controlling his urge to hit something.

He had been so close. Tino had literally been within his grasp. If it wasn't for that man with a scowl and reindeer, and those useless border guards, Ivan would now be holding Tino within his arms. But no, instead he was standing in the office of his higher-up, and his relative, General Vladimir Braginsky. Many called him General Winter due to his ruthless yet genius battle tactics and cold, unforgiving personality. He was also the only man Ivan was truly afraid of. And now that very man was looking at Ivan with unfeeling eyes, assessing him and considering his fate.

"Vanya, why the obsession with this artist? He and his companions do us little harm, your attention should be elsewhere."

Vladimir's voice was steep and sharp and demanded attention. He had Ivan's undivided attention, and the Russian swallowed, fear mixing in with rage. Vladimir liked calling Ivan Vanya, his childhood nickname, to remind him that Ivan was below the General in every way possible.

"They hold the tools to damage the image of our Mother Russia, and they have disrespected our nation's great ruler and our national pride- "

"Those are empty words, boy. I can see it, Vanya. This is personal for you. Which is precisely why you will stop this foolishness. Our military is already spread thin, we will not spare you men so you can waste them on your useless endeavour. You will return to Moscow at once and stand-by. Is that clear?"

"General, I- "

"IS THAT CLEAR, VANYA?!"

Ivan couldn't hold back a flinch, and neither could all the other people in the room. Ivan swallowed again and gave a weak nod.

"Yes, sir. Very clear."

"Good. Now get out of my sight."

Ivan saluted, and marched out of the office with his hands still in fists.

After returning to Moscow Ivan was never seen on Finland's soil again, as he was ordered to focus on military projects in Eastern Asia for the rest of his career.

***

The view outside the window had long since grown boring for Emil. Sure, it was still pretty, but Emil wasn't the type that could get everything out of nature's beauty like his artist brother and "family". But then again Lukas seemed to also be sick of the view, judging from the way he sighed as he sat beside Emil on the porch.

They had been in Denmark for over four months now. They lived in the cottage where Matthias' parents had raised him, and Matthias had inherited the house after his parents had passed away. Matthias had only been 13 back then and had been forced to move in with his uncle, who lived in Finland. But Matthias' heart had always resided in Denmark, in this house, and Lukas, Emil and Eduard had all seen how the man had basically come alive here. The sight made Lukas smile, and he had accepted that he'd probably spend the rest of his life here, because he didn't have the heart to force Matthias away from his home. And he certainly had no intention to leave the Dane anytime soon either.

But something, or someone, was still missing, and that prevented Matthias from feeling as happy as he could about being home at last. All of them felt the same. Yes, they were safe now, but Tino wasn't here. He should've received the message over three months ago, and it took about one month to travel from Northern Sweden to Denmark. So, they were all worried, anxious, and bored of this beautiful view that couldn't be as beautiful as it had the potential to be as long as Tino was still missing.

"Should we go look for him?"

Emil muttered suddenly, and Lukas turned to look at his little brother. Emil's eyes were fixed on the road that was the only way to the cottage. He did the same every day, staring at the road and waiting for Tino to appear. Lukas, Matthias and Eduard all did it every day for at least 15 minutes. But Emil did it the most, and it broke Lukas' heart.

"It wouldn't do any good. We don't know where he is."

Lukas muttered back; he had repeated these words at Emil as many times as the teen had asked that same question. And every time Emil answered with the same annoyed sigh.

"I know. It's just- "

Lukas had closed his eyes, waiting for the same rant he got every time Emil had these same worries. But it never came. Instead Emil stopped speaking, and Lukas opened one of his eyes to look at his little brother. Emil's eyes were wide, and he had stood up from the porch steps where he had perched himself.

"Emil? What's-?"

Lukas began asking and looked at what Emil was staring at. But he stopped talking as well when he saw what Emil saw. A carriage pulled by a reindeer of all things. And on the driver's seat were two figures, the other one much taller than the other. But the smaller figure of the two looked a lot like, no, exactly like-

"TINO!"

Never in their lives had Emil and Lukas yelled so loudly, and they did it simultaneously. They also sprang towards the carriage simultaneously, and when they reached it they basically tore the Finn from the driver's seat and into their embrace. All three were crying, Tino much more loudly and dramatically than Lukas and Emil, and they exchanged words in a confusing mix of Finnish, Norwegian and Icelandic. Berwald followed the scene with a fond smile on his face, Tino looked so ethereally happy and Berwald realized that the Finn was finally home.

"Oh, my Lord, TINO!"

"TINO, you son of a bitch, finally!"

More yells could be heard, and two more people ran to the carriage with tears in their eyes. One of them was a man with light-brown hair and spectacles like Berwald's, and he spoke words that sounded kind of like Finnish but not quite. The second one, and the largest one out of all of them, spoke Danish and he enveloped Tino and the three other men into one huge embrace and laughed loudly while also sobbing.

Berwald followed the reunion awkwardly from the side, but Tino didn't let it remain like that. While his family was still crying and all speaking their respective languages Tino reached out and pulled the Swede into the pile, joining them all into one huge hug. Yes, this felt right to Tino, it felt like he belonged right here.

"Olen vihdoinkin kotona!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jag älskar dig = I love you (though you probably guessed it XD)
> 
> Olen vihdoinkin kotona = I'm finally home (cheesy, I know, but cheese is my guilty pleasure~)


	18. Epilogue

"Isä! Isä, come quick!"

Tino looked up from his book at the young boy, who had just raced into the room. His fine dark blond hair was just as messy as always, and the eyes under the large dark eyebrows were a glimmering blue. They were filled with wonder that only young children possessed. Just the sight of the child made Tino smile fondly, and he put his book away without a second thought in order to give his full attention to his son.

"What's going on, Peter? Is something wrong?"

Peter halted beside the chair Tino was seated in and bounced eagerly on the balls of his feet. His generous eyebrows were furrowed in thought, as if he was contemplating whether he should tell his father what the thing he wanted to show him was. Eventually Peter just groaned impatiently, making Tino chuckle, and tugged on Tino's sleeve.

"Just come and look! Sven did something amazing!"

Tino raised his brows at this, now extremely curious. Sven was Peter's adoptive brother and best friend and very rarely did things that Peter would consider 'amazing'. Peter's perception of amazing concentrated around different kinds of machines, good (and often unhealthy) foods and his other father Berwald. Tino very much wanted to see what the amazing thing, that even earned Peter's admiration was.

"Well then, lead me to this amazing thing."

Tino answered, mirroring some of the boy's excitement. Peter grinned widely, grabbed Tino's hand and all but dragged the Finn out of the living room and towards his and Sven's shared bedroom. Peter basically slammed the room's door open, which Tino robotically reprimanded him for (Peter slamming door in excitement wasn't anything new). Sven, who had been inside, jumped at the sudden noise and sent his brother an annoyed glare. In his hands the ginger-haired boy had a palette and a paint brush, and before him Tino's easel. Tino blinked, surprised to see his son using the painting tools. Tino wasn't angry that the boy was using them without permission, rather he was happy Sven wanted to use them, but the boy had never expressed any interest in painting. Well, to be honest Sven rarely admitted he liked any of the things he liked. Like stylish clothes with frills, gold jewellery, apples and carrots. Tino loved both his sons to bits but Sven could be extremely frustrating in his bullheadedness and denial.

But as Tino focused his attention away from Sven and at the canvas on the easel Tino's surprise turned into amazement.

"Sven, did you really paint this?"

Tino asked, stepping closer to the easel. He put a gentle hand on Sven's head, Tino could feel his son fidget nervously.

"Y-Yeah. It's just a copy of your painting though…"

Sven muttered, half-heartedly trying to remove Tino's hand from his head. For a 6-year-old Sven was very particular about his hair. Tino didn't say anything, for a moment surprised yet again at Sven's self-deprecating words. Sven was also a surprisingly confident child; it was unusual for him to not hold at least little sureness at the quality of his work. And this work truly deserved praise. Tino, feeling the strong need to reassure his son, scooped the child up into his arms and pressed a kiss against Sven's cheek. This made both boys "Eeeeeeew" simultaneously and Tino laughed.

"Not that good? Sven, this is amazing! You were right, Peter, it's amazing!"

"I told you so, Sven!"

Sven was blushing at the praise and muttering weak protests, but overall looked pleased with himself. Sven hadn't admitted it, but he idolized Tino and trying out painting had been his way of trying to impress him. Sven didn't even try to wiggle out of Tino's arms, like he usually did, while the Finn took in the painting more thoroughly.

What Sven had done was recreate one of Tino's most known paintings in his own, rather unique but beautiful style. It was a scenery painting of the archipelago outside Matthias' childhood home, Tino had painted it soon after he and Berwald had arrived at the residence, and Tino had reunited with his family. The first few weeks had been an emotional rollercoaster, with everyone being ecstatic that Tino was alive, suspicious of Berwald and his intentions, still scared of the Russian government and a mix of other emotions stemming from stress. But Tino had poured all those emotions into painting, and the archipelago painting had been the result. In fact, it had been that painting that had gained Tino the prestige, that eventually allowed them to be able to buy this house just outside Copenhagen.

Tino was rather fond of the painting, and the original piece hung in their living room. Tino had made some copies for galleries but the original was the only one to hold all his raw emotions.

But Tino was beginning to like his son's version even more than his own. Instead of using the original natural colours Sven had used flagrant shades of all the least used colours currently found in Tino's collection of paints. Tino used mostly earthy colours, so shades that were too unnatural were often left untouched. The sky was a mix of purple and yellow, the islands were an explosion of red and green and the sea was blue and orange. Tino immediately noticed Sven had made a very good use of complementary colours, and Tino wasn't sure if it had been on purpose or not. Nevertheless, the colours didn't clash with each other even though they should've, and the whole piece was tied together by gentle brushes of white and black in tactical spots. Tino had never seen anything like this before, it reminded him of Lukas' style but at the same time it was completely different. It was breath-taking.

"Um…are you mad that I used your tools, isä?"

Tino was snapped out of his musings by Sven's voice, laced with uncertainty due to his father's prolonged silence. The boy was looking down at the floor, and Peter reached up and took his little brother's hand. Sven was the one out of them who always acted more mature despite being two years younger than Peter, but occasionally Tino was reminded that Sven indeed was the little brother. Tino smiled and pressed another kiss on Sven, this time his temple. The young boy didn't protest this time, comforted by the sign of affection.

"Of course not! If you want to paint, then I also want you to paint. Especially since you are so good at it. You have a gift, my darling."

Sven, no longer scared of punishment or anger, smiled proudly and even a bit smugly. Sven was quick to gain confidence in himself, which Tino thought would be a useful trait in the future. As long as it wouldn't overshadow the humility that Tino also knew Sven possessed. Hopefully.

"Why does Sven get your gift, isä? I want to be able to paint well too!"

Peter said from the floor, and Sven glared down at his brother, who was trying to steal his thunder. Tino grinned a bit and picked Peter up too, nuzzling their noses together. It was tough to carry a 6-year-old and an 8-year-old but Tino had gained plenty of both weight and muscle after arriving in Denmark 6 years earlier.

"Then you just have to practice. Besides, you have your own gift too! Didn't pappa praise your work just yesterday?"

Peter blinked and grinned, as if he had just remembered the incident Tino was talking about. Peter was very talented when it came to building and engineering, and just yesterday the boy had made a toy for himself from scrap metal and wood from Berwald's workshop. Peter liked to loiter there and watch his pappa work. The toy was a carriage, pulled by a wooden horse whittled by Berwald, and it even had moving parts and mechanisms. Both Tino and Berwald had been impressed by the skills of their son, who had absorbed all the praise he had been given like a sponge. Peter was a creature fuelled by the praise from his parents, so Tino was sure the boy's skills were going to improve by leaps and bounds.

"Oh! Speaking of pappa, we have to show this painting to him! He'll be so impressed!"

Tino said excitedly and put his sons down. Sven looked hesitant, he had been happy about Tino's praise because his isä knew about art, but what if pappa thought the painting was weird? Tino could see the hesitation on Sven's face and kneeled, giving Sven's hair a light ruffle.

"Don't worry, kulta pieni, pappa will love it just as much as I do. He also has a good eye for quality."

Tino smiled in a reassuring manner, stood back up and left to find Berwald. From the room he could hear Peter and Sven start bickering, which was a normal occurrence. They had done it from the very first day Tino and Berwald had encountered the pair and it only showed how close the boys were.

It had already been 3 years since Berwald and Tino had adopted Peter and Sven. Their meeting had been an unusual one and happened in Netherlands. Tino and Berwald had been accompanying Lukas and Matthias, who were visiting an old friend in Amsterdam by the name of Lars. And while walking the busy streets of the city a dirty, thin 5-year-old had attempted to mug Tino and Berwald in an alleyway with a rusty knife. The sight had broken both of their hearts, the boy had had a look in his eyes that made it clear he had seen unimaginable things. And behind him, hiding behind a pile of rubble, Tino and Berwald had seen an even younger boy, or more like a toddler, also dangerously thin and a constant look of fear on his face. Tino and Berwald, without hesitation, had taken the boys to their hotel, gave them baths and food and called in a doctor to check them. Tino and Berwald learned that the boys were named Peter and Sven, they had run away together from an orphanage that abused its residents. Neither spoke any Dutch. In fact, Sven couldn't speak at all and Peter only spoke simple English. Peter had named Sven after the Swedish man, who had left the young boy at the orphanage almost two years prior, and Peter had been named by his older brother who had unfortunately died when the boy was two.

Tino and Berwald hadn't had the intention to take these two orphans with them to Denmark, but after caring for them during their visit the men just couldn't let the children go. And here they were, three years later, and both children had all but transformed. Peter was as cheerful as Matthias and the horrors he had witnessed only plagued his deepest nightmares and Sven could talk even better than his older brother and was no longer afraid of anything (except dark, but that was a secret). And Tino and Berwald couldn't be prouder of their boys.

Tino made his way to the back of the house and knocked on the door, that lead to his partner's workshop. He heard a familiar grunt from inside and opened the door to the open space. It was filled with unfinished furniture and decorations, and the tall shelves were filled with wood, tools and even some metal parts. Berwald was currently working on a small table, and Tino could already tell it was going to be gorgeous. Berwald had started making furniture as a job after they had settled in Denmark, since it had always been his true passion. Berwald had only been working in construction before, because it had been what his father had wished for him before his death.

But now Tino could see that Berwald truly flourished in this workshop, among polished wood and tools and workbenches, and it made the Finn's heart swell with happiness for his gentle giant.

Tino walked over to his love and Berwald stopped working so he could give the Finn a kiss. Tino smiled against Berwald's lips, this simple gesture of affection would never fail to make him happy. Familiar butterflies danced in his abdomen, they had made it their home and were now a sign of Tino's ever-growing love towards Berwald.

"You simply must stop for a moment and come look what Sven made. I'll give you a hint; I think he has inherited my artistic skills~"

Tino said excitedly, smiling happily at Berwald. The Swede looked confused for a moment, he hadn't known that adopted children could inherit their parents' skills but didn't second-question his lover and put down his tools. He couldn't deny Tino's request when the Finn was clearly elated (it was really cute).

"'S that the onl' hint I'm going t' get?"

Berwald asked with an amused tone, and Tino took his hand and began to lead him through the house towards the boys' bedroom. Berwald was now also very curious about what Sven had done, Tino (and yes, Berwald as well) bragged about both their sons equally but Sven hadn't done anything particularly artistic before.

"I already exposed too much! It will be a surprise. I know you like those."

Tino chuckled, a hint of teasing in his voice, and Berwald smiled down at the Finn. He put his arm around Tino's waist and kept it there as the two of them arrived at the boys' bedroom. Inside Peter and Sven were still bickering, but stopped when their parents arrived. Peter made a face at the physical affection his pappa was showing towards his isä. Sven was too nervous to join in on his brother's shenanigans.

"Ew! Please warn me if you're going to kiss or something so I can cover my eyes!"

The boy exclaimed, very dramatically covering his eyes despite the lack of a warning. Berwald and Tino both laughed, and Berwald let go of Tino so he could scoop Peter into his arms. Tino went to stand by Sven, who was rolling his eyes at his older brother's childishness (even though he himself had acted similarly only few minutes ago).

"I'll do it wh'n ya least exp'ct it, you can't hide fr'm it."

Berwald said teasingly and gave Peter a small tickle, making the boy laugh in delight, and then lifted the boy so he sat on the Swede's shoulders. Then Berwald focused his attention on the easel and the painting on it, assuming that was what Tino had wanted to show him. Sven tried not to show how anxious he was, Berwald's opinion meant a lot to him, after all. Berwald's face was a lot harder to read and his sons still hadn't become as good at it as Tino. So, Tino was the only one who could instantly tell, that Berwald was very impressed by Sven's skills. Just like he had predicted.

"Th's is amaz'ng."

Berwald said, it was clear from his tone that his words were genuine. Sven's face split into another proud grin, and Peter very dramatically whispered "Told you" at his brother.

"Isn't it?! We must show it to everyone else too! I'm sure especially uncle Lukas will be incredibly impressed."

Tino emphasized Lukas' name, and Sven's eyes brightened at the statement. He was very attached to his uncle Lukas and the man was the only person Sven, besides himself, considered "cool". On Berwald's shoulders Peter's eyes brightened as well and he wiggled excitedly.

"Uncle Lukas? Does that mean uncle Matthias will come too?"

"Well of course, they're practically attached at the hip."

Tino chuckled, Peter in turn was very attached to his uncle Matthias. It was to be expected, the two shared quite the similar personalities, and Matthias had played a big role in Peter opening up after his very rough start in life.

"Yay! I'm going to show him my new carriage toy! Pappa, can you help me make real iron lining for the wheels, right now? Pleeeeeease?"

Peter used his best pleading eyes, which wasn't really necessary. Berwald rarely turned down an opportunity to spend time and bond with his sons.

"S're."

Berwald simply said, and Peter cheered.

"And Sven can paint it!"

Peter added excitedly, not giving his little brother much of a choice. Sven began to protest, but Peter had already climbed down from his pappa's shoulders and ran out of the room to fetch his toy (wherever it was). Berwald smiled apologetically and went after Peter to make sure the boy didn't turn the whole house inside out while searching. Tino chuckled, and only then noticed a paint smear on Sven's face. It went across his right cheek all the way to his nose. The shade was close to Sven's skin colour so Tino hadn't noticed it before.

"Sven honey, you have some paint there. Here, let me- "

Tino reached out, attempting to wipe the paint away, but Sven pushed his father's hand away with a shake of his head. Sven crossed his arms defiantly, his nearly turquoise eyes sparking.

"I don't want to clean it; it makes me look cooler."

Tino internally rolled his eyes, but let the boy keep the paint smear. It didn't harm anyone, and in Tino's opinion, it looked more cute than cool. Reminded Tino of his own childhood days and paint stains on every possible spot on his body. The smear looked kind of like a scar if one squinted their eyes, maybe that was why Sven thought it was cool.

"I hear you, Mr. Cool. Now let's go, so you can paint your brother's carriage."

Tino squeezed Sven and carried him out of the room. Before closing the door Tino glanced back at the painting on the easel and smiled happily. He had a feeling that his family's future was just as bright and flagrant as the image on that canvas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Isä = Father in Finnish (I used a pretty formal word for "father", because the more informal words such as isi or iskä still weren't in use during this time period)
> 
> Pappa = Dad in Swedish
> 
> Kulta pieni = Little darling or little honey in Finnish. Basically an affectionate pet name usually used with children. If you use just the word "kulta" without "pieni" it can be used with both lovers and children.
> 
> In my opinion Sealand aka. Peter is a natural part of the SuFin pairing, and I honestly can't imagine them not adding him to the mix at least some point of their relationship. But I also very much enjoy it when Ladonia aka. Sven (this is a name I gave him; he doesn't have a canon name and I think Sven fits him nicely) is added to the mix. I love his personality and character design, and Ladonia's interactions with Sweden in canon are adorable. Sorry if it doesn't sit well with some of you, it's just my personal preference. You can't please everyone, right?
> 
> Okay, this is finally the end of Under the North Star. It was a long journey, but I was happy to take it. Thank you for joining me, and goodbye~


End file.
